COLUMBUS: Today the United Nations won the Nobel Peace Prize. I wonder why they don’t get it every year. They’re about the only outfit on Earth whose sole business is Peace. But lately they’ve been missing out on the big prize.

I think what put ’em over the top this year was when they put Syria on the Security Council. That’s so they can keep a close eye on ’em. Next year they’ll shoot for two in a row by bringing in Afghanistan. Or maybe Iraq. Baseball season is over and the playoffs have started. I heard a rumor that the games were on television, but I ain’t seen any except for the Giuliani Yankees. Brother, if you want to see the World Series on Fox we’re gonna have to pull for the Yankees. If it’s Oakland against Arizona, Mr.
Murdoch may just show it on the Home and Garden channel. And only on the West coast.
This is Columbus Day, or it used to be till Congress decided all holidays should fall on Monday, and not on Friday. It shouldn’t matter to Congress, they usually get both days off anyhow. I bet if Columbus had known we wanted to celebrate it on October 8 he would have found a tail wind and shortened the trip. He could have stopped at Bermuda, but he never learned to ride a bicycle.

The Emmy Awards have had a run of tough luck. They got postponed twice. The actors still want to hold the show, but they don’t want any risk. It’s humiliating enough to not win, but nobody wants to die on screen, unless it’s make believe.

They’re looking for a secure location to hold it. Instead of living in fear of bin Ladin, maybe they can learn something from him. Give out all the awards in Kentucky, down in Mammoth Cave. We can’t blame ’em for being safety conscious. Some of them are young, and have their whole lives before ’em. Why, some are still in their first marriage.

Rush Limbaugh is losing his hearing. There’ll be no jokes (although I can think of a couple) because that is a serious loss for any man. Paul Harvey got his voice back, but things don’t look so rosy for Rush. He has a great sense of humor… some folks get it, but some don’t. They think he’s serious
when, part of the time, he’s pulling your leg. Like when he said, “I’m gonna keep talking till everybody in America agrees with me.” If we thought he meant it, 250 million people in unison, (kinda like all those school children saying the Pledge of Allegiance at 2:00 Eastern Time today) would shout, “I agree,” just to see if he would stop. Rush, I’m sorry, that one just slipped out. We’re pulling for you.

Historical quotes from Will Rogers:

“The Columbus Celebration has rather an added significance to Los Angeles, as they want to celebrate the good fortune of his landing on the Atlantic instead of the Pacific side, because if he landed out here he never would have gone back even to tell the Queen. He would have stayed right here and nobody would have ever known it but him.” WA #29 July 1, 1923″…we were out there on Indian land dedicating a Dam to get water for white people to come out and use and gradually take more Indian land away. There is going to be nothing different. It started with Lief Erricson in 996, then skipped over Columbus in 1492, for he couldent find this Country in four trips. Then come the Spanish settlers, then the Mayflower was the last straw.”
WA #377 March 16, 1930