EATON, Ohio: India and Pakistan are arguing over a piece of land they call Kashmir. Colin Powell is over there to referee. Now I have never been there, but folks who have tell me it’s a high desert that even goats abandoned centuries ago.

Instead of dividing it, just give the whole thing to China. That’ll take their mind off any bugged airplanes. (See Historic Quotes)

Farmers in western Ohio have lost hope of any immediate relief from a new Farm Bill. They are working on another idea that’s been around awhile, producing ethanol from corn. The technical expertise is available close by, across the river in Kentucky.

An official told a crowd here today that ethanol won’t be economical till a couple of things change. Well, there’s only two things that could change to make it worthwhile, and neither one is in high favor with farmers: paying a higher price for oil, and taking a lower price for corn. So don’t look for our grain farmers to put the Saudi Arabia sheiks out of business any time soon.

My earlier suggestion that you folks eat beef for Christmas was a dismal failure. I know you ate all you could, but cattlemen still have a bountiful supply of steak on the hoof. Fill your refrigerator while it’s cheap.

Speaking of beef, Ohio lost a fine man last week, and orphaned children around the world lost a close friend. Dave Thomas opened a restaurant in Columbus more than thirty years ago, named it Wendy’s after one of his daughters. He promised he wouldn’t use frozen beef, only fresh. By golly, he sold so many hot and juicy hamburgers every day there was no need to freeze any.

I read where a woman was awarded over $300,000 a month for child support. The paper didn’t say how many she is supporting, but if it’s fewer than Sally Struthers, they should be eating mighty good. With that kind of dough, they could probably afford to buy a farm… not only buy it, but run it. They’ve got a pretty good chance of breaking even, if they can avoid growing corn or raising cattle.

Historic Quotes from Will Rogers:

“(Peru and Chili) are arguing over a boundary line (the provinces of Tacna and Arica). (Former General) Pershing went down and saw the piece of land that is in dispute, and he has suggested that if Peru can’t get Chili to take it, and if Chili can’t get Peru to take it, that they both try and get Argentine to take it, as Argentine has never seen it.” WA #140, August 16, 1925

“Did you read in the papers a few days ago what we did down in Tacna Arica? You know we went down there to settle a dispute between Chili and Peru over a piece of land that is between them and they have been arguing over it for 40 years…. Do you think (Secretary of State Kellogg) divided it up equally? Or do you think he let one keep it one year and one the next, or one on sunshiny days, and one on cloudy days? No sir, he issued none of those common ways of settling disputed Territory. If you haven’t read it I will give you 12 guesses to guess who’s favor he decided in. Why, Bolivia’s. I knew you would be surprised. You will ask, “Why, what did Bolivia have to do with it?” Nothing. He said in his own statement that they hadent been consulted in his decision at all, so they are going to be surprised to death when they hear that the United States has decided to deed them a big piece of Territory. They will say, “Where did the United States get a piece of Territory down here to give to us?” Why we got it from Peru and Chili as our consulting fees for settling the dispute about it. Now Bolivia will say, “How does Kellogg know we will take it? It might be like a cotton farm down south. There is no law says you can give a man one of them and make him take it. That’s one thing our laws are just about. You can’t force a farm or an old car on any man, woman or child without their consent.”” WA#209, December 12, 1926

“Peru and Colombia are going to war over a boundary, the usual reason down here, but get this: The land in dispute is so isolated that neither nation can get to it, so they are arranging to have the armies meet at some convenient place and fight over a piece of ground that the winner can’t get to after they have won.” DT #1934, Oct. 16, 1932