INDIANAPOLIS: Governor O’Bannon announced that Indiana will build a new road into the southwest corner of the state. It took them forty years to survey the route. Actually it was more like five years to survey a half dozen possible routes, then 35 years of arguing over which one to adopt. This stretch of I-69 will connect to Mexico, if Kentucky and the other states can reach an agreement. Otherwise it just ends at the Ohio River.

Folks around here aren’t quite sure if the road is aimed at getting people to Indianapolis, or away from it.

When this road is finished Canada intends to truck their pork and lumber direct to Mexico without slowing down for any stop lights. We have told ’em, “That’s fine with us, as long as your trucks return filled with all the illegal aliens who would otherwise prefer to live here.”

Meanwhile, across the Wabash, Governor Ryan has emptied Death Row. You know, there’s governors in a bunch of states that are turning prisoners free to save millions of dollars for their budget. And others would like to immediately hang their convicted murderers for the same reason. But not Illinois. Ryan commuted the sentences of all 166 men on death row.

The governor told ’em, “I don’t know if you’re guilty or innocent because our judges and juries can’t be trusted. So you can live out your natural lives courtesy of the taxpayers. Free room and board for as long as our free medical services can keep you alive.”

Now I was wondering, why limit these benefits to death row inmates. Suppose, for instance, the Governor announced to all college seniors, “I don’t know if you have been properly educated or not. Our professors can’t be trusted, so you can stay in school the rest of your natural lives. Free room, board and tuition.” That makes just as much sense, and the cost would be lower. Maybe Illinois can afford it since they don’t intend to build any new roads.

President Bush announced a new tax plan this week. He says dividends that companies earn should only be taxed once, not twice. On the other hand the Democrats say there’s nothing wrong with twice, and if you insist on a change, why not tax them three or four times.

The President says most of the tax cuts will go to retirees, and Democrats claim most will go to the rich. I don’t know who’s right, but if both are that should solve the Social Security problem.

I’m in Indiana for another one of these farmer conventions. They have spent the better part of three days learning how to farm better without turning over the soil. It’s called “no-till”, and some of them have been farming this way for twenty or thirty years. See, there’s no need to till because there’s so many worms, bugs, mites, fungi, and other critters working away below the surface, if the farmer can just kinda encourage them to work together, and toward the same end as he is, he don’t need to rip into them with a plow. Just add fertilizer, and spray the weeds on time, and if the Lord provides some rain every week or two, together they can grow a good crop.

Well, I don’t mean to oversimplify the farmer’s job. It’s tough. But if you are driving along and look out your window and see farm ground that ain’t been plowed, don’t say that must be a lazy farmer. No sir, instead you should perhaps say thanks because they are keeping the soil where it belongs, on the field and out of the rivers. And feeding all those critters in the soil. Last evening after supper I got a crack at these folks. I reminded them that the Indians were really the first no-tillers. They just used a pointed stick to plant with. It’s not that they were so concerned about the environment. No, they were poor and couldn’t afford those newfangled John Deere plows. Of course that was before they discovered casinos.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“(President Franklin) Roosevelt wants recovery to start at the bottom. See what I mean? In other words, by a system of high taxes, he wants business to help the little fellow to get started and get some work, and then pay business back by buying things when he’s at work. Business says, “Let everybody alone. Let business alone, and quit monkeying with us… and if we prosper, naturally the worker will prosper.” That’s exactly what business says, and they’re justified from their angle in saying that.
One wants recovery to start from the bottom, and the other wants it to start from the top. I don’t know which is right. I’ve never heard of anybody suggesting that they might start it in the middle, so I hereby make that suggestion. To start recovery halfway between the two, because it’s the middle class that does everything anyhow.” Radio Broadcast, June 9, 1935

“American murder procedure is about as follows: Fool enough to commit a crime, dumb enough to get caught, smart enough to prove you was crazy when you committed it, and fortunate enough to show you was too sane to hang.” DT #468, Jan. 23, 1928.