Senator provides the comedy

#483, December 24, 2007

COLUMBUS: Not much going on in either Washington or Hollywood. Congress left town, and the Writers are still on strike. If you want comedy, you have to write it yourself.

Senator Harry Reid played a joke on the President. He let all the Senators leave town except one who stayed behind to kinda man the boat. See, sometimes when Congress goes on vacation, the President fills vacancies in various federal agencies, and they can’t stop him. But if a Senator goes in there to bang the gavel each morning, even if no one is there to hear it, and then after spouting a few official sounding words he bangs it again, why that constitutes a full day’s work for a Senator. Not only for that Senator, but for all of them.

So in this way the Senate can keep the president from making recess appointments. They asked Mr. Reid, aren’t these important jobs that need to be filled? He said, “I’d rather have a vacancy than a Republican.”

You know, by the time the other 99 Senators return later in January, that one lonely Democrat banging the gavel will have passed almost as many useful bills in one month as all of ’em did in the previous eleven.

They did pass an Energy Bill. It adds a little more energy, but mainly they want to spread out what we’ve got a lot thinner. They want us to increase gas milage by 40 percent to 35 miles per gallon in 12 years.

These folks clamoring for a 35 mpg automobile will be surprised to learn they’re here today if you want one. But if you ask them, they don’t want it for themselves. They want ’em for everybody else to drive.

And by 2020 they want Ford and General Motors to figure out how to build the same size cars and trucks as they’re driving today, same power, same accessories, but run on 40% less fuel. Detroit may need a hand from Santa Claus to pull that off.

With the North Pole melting maybe Santa can relocate to Detroit. They got empty factories where he can set up shop, vacant houses for all the elves, and plenty of snow.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“Never blame a legislative body for not doing something. When they do nothing, they don’t hurt anybody. When they do something is when they become dangerous.” DT #1038, Nov. 22, 1929

“A President just can’t make much showing against (Congress). They just lay awake nights thinking up things to be against the President on.” WA #430, March 22, 1931

“I am too busy replacing presents to write today. I bought some mechanical and electric things for the kids and wore ’em out playing with ’em myself.” DT #120, Dec. 23, 1926

“Well, the neckties were all red and the sox were all too small. So there is practically nothing I can do but just sit and wait for another holiday. If Santa has failed us this time we will see what he brings us on Nov. 4.” DT 441, Dec. 25, 1927 (Yes, Nov. 4 is election day in 2008, and also Will’s birthday.)