Congress and Obama ready to stimulate us

COLUMBUS: While Mr. Obama is counting down the days to January 20, Congress is counting up the ways to spend a Trillion dollars. Democrats insist on $500 Billion for wider roads, longer bridges and cleaner sewers, and the Republicans want to let the taxpayers keep $500 Billion and invest it themselves.

Since our new President wants to get everyone working toward a common goal, he will accept both plans, add $200 Billion of his own, and then announce, “We have reached an important compromise for $1.2 Trillion at this critical juncture in American history.” He’ll go on to say, “We expect this to stimulate the recovery and create 4 million new jobs.”

Whether this will work, I got my doubts. In the last couple of years Americans spent $7 Trillion more than we had in our bank accounts, so spending another Trillion on credit ain’t likely to solve the economic doldrums.

These bailout ideas are drawing some curious requests. $5 Billion was requested for the porn industry. Congressmen may misread “porn” as “pork”, and vote for it automatically. But really, the only chance it has getting through, is if it’s divided evenly among all 535 in Congress and they get to distribute it personally.

Over in Gaza, Israel told Hamas, “If you keep firing rockets at us, we’ll keep dropping bombs on you.” Well, wars haven’t changed in 80 years: “They are pretty bad, these big wars over Commerce. But one over religion is really the most bitter.” (Will Rogers, Sept. 8, 1929)

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“[Franklin Roosevelt] was inaugurated at noon in Washington [on March 4], and they started the inaugural parade down Pennsylvania Avenue, and before it got half way down there, he’d closed every bank in the United States. Now a Republican woulda never thought of a thing like that… But that shows you how fast he works. He’s ahead of you all the time.” Radio, April 30, 1933

“It’s surprising how little money we can get along on. Let the banks never open. Just everybody keep on trusting everybody else. Why it’s such a novelty to find that somebody will trust you that it’s changed our whole feeling toward human nature. Why never was our country so united, never was a country so tickled with their poverty.DT #2057, March 8, 1933

For three years we have had nothing but, ‘America is fundamentally sound.’ It should have been, ‘America is fundamentally cuckoo.’ The worse off we get the louder we laugh, which is a great thing. And every banker ought to have printed on his office door: ‘Alive today by the grace of a nation that has a sense of humor.'” DT #2057, March 8, 1933

[Of the new Cabinet members] “three of ’em escaped from the Senate. That’s like going to the old man’s home to get an athlete. But I believe they are going to be all right.” DT #2046, Feb. 23, 1933