Weekly Comments Archive
Archived Issue
Sunday, February 1, 2009
ISSUE #536
#536 February 1, 2009

Will and Senator Coburn offer Stimulus ideas

COLUMBUS: Senator Tom Coburn of Oklahoma had the quote of the year on the Stimulus bill,”We shouldn’t be spending money we don’t have on things we don’t need.”

I’m surprised every Democrat in the Senate didn’t jump up and yell, “But that’s what our entire economy is built on!!” Only spend money we have on things we need? Why, that’s blasphemous. If Americans behave in such a foolhardy and reckless manner this year, the economy will tank. The 1930s would look like an economic boom time by comparison.
Here’s just one of the wacky ideas in that $800 Billion dollar Stimulus bill. They want to spend $10 Million to plant grass on the Washington Mall, you know, where they held the Inauguration. I bet Tom would agree with this money saving plan instead: give a farmer one Million dollars and let him plant corn on it. Why, he would plant corn all the way to the Lincoln Memorial and around the White House. With a million dollars he could afford to fertilize and go after a bumper crop. He would spray Round-Up, just like you do on the cracks in your driveway, to get rid of weeds. On hot, dry July days he could irrigate out of the Reflecting Pool.

Because farmers are used to working on shares, at harvest time he would give half the profits to the government. Can you imagine getting half the profits back from those sod layers? What a chance.

Let’s give the Federal government credit where it’s due. They stumbled on a new plan to get tax cheats to pay up. Local police have been using a similar plan for years to get known criminals off the street. They send ’em a letter announcing they have just won a $200 prize, and to come to a certain address to pick up the cash. When they show up, they arrest ’em. Well, I bet the IRS knows of at least a half million who have skipped out on taxes, so all the government has to do is send ’em a letter announcing their appointment to a certain Cabinet position. You may say it’s silly, and no one would fall for a such a trick. Well, they already caught two of ’em. If it works on the rest, Obama could collect enough to balance the budget.

The Pittsburgh Steelers won another Super Bowl, their sixth, over the Arizona Cardinals, who had never been in one before. I was pulling for the underdog because nobody in Ohio likes the Steelers. They always beat up on Cleveland and Cincinnati. The irony is that it was players from Ohio that made the big plays to win the game.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“The Townsend Plan [to give a pension to old folks] went down in Congress, so it looks like a kind of a bad day for plans. I believe if Townsend had lowered his sights and called for maybe $50 instead of $200 a month, and took out the clause where they had to spend it. Old people, you know, are naturally kind of conservative, and saving, and they would’ve hated to spend money every week if they really didn’t need to. Our government is the only people that just loves to spend without being compelled to at all. But the government is the only people that don’t have to worry where it’s coming from.” Radio, April 21, 1935


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