One stimulus down, two more to go?

COLUMBUS: Congress passed the economic stimulus bill. They said the total is $780,000,000,000, but nobody has read it, so that’s just a rough idea. The President is going to Denver Tuesday to sign it. It’s the highest bill ever passed by a legislative body so it deserves to be signed in the highest city.

But really, where the President ought to sign it is on Pike’s Peak because he said this stimulus bill is only “one leg of the stool.” Now in my younger days I spent a good deal of time sitting on one of those 3-legged stools, milking cows. And if Mr. Obama ever milked a cow, he knows those 3 legs are the same height. So, if you feel like $780 Billion will be hard to pay for, the next two for $1.56 Trillion will milk you dry. Maybe he can arrange to sign those bills on Mount Everest.

The President says this bill will result in 4 million jobs (or is it 12 million). I don’t know exactly what he’ll do with 4 million jobs, even if they do show up. He’s already got two that he can’t fill. He’s running short of applicants willing to fess up and pay their back taxes.

A Commerce Secretary shouldn’t be hard to find. If you belong to your local Chamber, and your dues are paid up, send ’em a resume.

For Secretary of Health and Human Services he needs someone who is fit and trim, has experience heading up a big outfit, and operates under a huge deficit. Nobody meets those qualifications better than California Governor Schwarzenegger.

Outside of California, Wall Street is the best training you can get for a federal government job. See, you work for an outfit that loses Billions, and they give you an award. On Wall Street that means a million dollar bonus. In Washington it means they re-elect you.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers (on Lincoln and Washington):

“Lincoln’s speech (was) only about three hundred words long, and the plainest words. There’s not a child, or even a comedian, that can’t understand it. Well, President Hoover got flowery, all long words. Honest, Lincoln just as well not made his speech as far as it has had any effect on other speakers. He left it as an example, but no one ever followed it.” WA #531, Feb. 26, 1933

“Papers today say, “What would Lincoln do today?” Well, in the first place, he wouldn’t chop any wood. He would trade his axe in on a Ford. Being a Republican he would vote the Democratic ticket. Being in sympathy for the underdog he would be classed as a radical progressive. Having a sense of humor he would be called eccentric.” DT #2349, Feb. 12, 1934

“Our Public men keep Washington’s and Lincoln’s birthdays alive, just so they can deliver addresses… They learn ’em so they can deliver ’em backwards, sideways, or perpindicular. There has been more great ideas blamed on Washington and Lincoln than they could have possibly thought of during their lifetime, even if they had thought of nothing but great ideas all the time.” WA #320, Feb. 10, 1929