Weekly Comments Archive
Archived Issue
Sunday, June 7, 2009
ISSUE #554
#554 June 7, 2009

Weekly Comments: Need a job? Become a Czar.

WILDCAT, West Virginia: More people are losing their jobs every month. Seems like the only profession with immediate growth potential is Czars. If you ever wanted to be a Czar, now’s the time. Just write the President and tell him what particular chunk of American enterprise you want to mold to your own liking. If no one else thought of it, you’ve got a chance.

He already named a Car Czar and one for health insurance. There’s even a Czar in charge of the Great Lakes. Any man that can make those lakes rise and fall at will deserves to be called Czar. Or even King. Nothing needs a Czar more than California, but who would take it in its present state? Maybe Michael Moore, but it was him and a few others that helped put it in its present state.

Oil is up to $70. Did you notice this spring that every time some prominent economist predicted “Oil will maintain a steady price through summer,” they tacked on another $5 a barrel. But we’re looking at the wrong side of the equation. When oil climbed from $40 to $50 to $60 and so on, it ain’t just because oil is getting more valuable. No, it’s because our dollar is getting less valuable. Old man inflation is lurking behind every bush ready to pounce.

Our newspapers and television won’t give up calling this H1N1 flu “swine flu” instead. A few people have died, but not a single hog. The only effect the flu has had on swine is to lower the price the old farmer gets for his hogs. Maybe next time we can call it “oil flu”, and it’ll have the same effect.

Dairy farmers are losing money on milk and culling their cow herds. I believe there’s just as many people “Got Milk” as ever. They’ve got it, they just aren’t drinking it. The old rancher is losing on his cattle too, because once this beef gets to the grocery store, nobody can tell a Holstein from a Hereford.

President Obama’s speech in Egypt went over with the Muslims and Arabs. Whenever he said something complimentary about Islam, he got applause. Whenever he said something complimentary about America they ignored him. Al-Qeida gave the opposition response. They said, “Don’t listen to these Americans. We’re the ones who know what’s good for Muslims, not some man named Barrack Hussein Obama.” Maybe they should have left off that last part.

The reason I’m reporting from Wildcat, is I’m here today with family and friends on a small hilltop cemetery honoring those who lost their lives in wars. Yes, this Decoration Day is later than for most of you, but a few days difference don’t matter to the eight with small American flags by their headstones, including seven from the Civil War. The ceremony was not as elaborate as the one yesterday for D-Day in France, but just as respectful.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“One of the very next things Mr. Roosevelt is going to do, so I was told in Washington on the best authority, was to appoint an oil czar. No industry needs a warden worse.” DT #2112, May 11, 1933

[A woman visiting New York claims] “to be the Czarina of Russia, of course that was in case Russia ever decided to have a Czar and a Czarina. It would be about like me announcing that I had decided to be King of Oklahoma (in case, of course, Oklahoma ever decided to have a King).” WA #107, December 28, 1924

“Steak on the plate went up, steak on the hoof went down.” WA #118, March 15, 1925


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