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Archived Issue
Sunday, June 13, 2010
ISSUE #607
#607 June 13, 2010

Shovel and pail can aid oil spill

COLUMBUS: President Obama has called the BP President to the White House for an Oil Summit. If he really wants to stop the oil gusher, he should also bring in the presidents from Exxon, Chevron, Shell and  Conoco-Phillips.

These Big Oil presidents are scheduled to meet with Congress on Tuesday. That’ll be a bigger waste than the uncapped well. Congressmen will spend all day asking long-winded questions because they’re on television. There’ll be no time left for answers.

Instead, President Obama needs to get all these fellows huddled in a back room at the White House. He could say, “Give me your five best ideas on how to cap the well.” There ought to be at least a couple plans that could work.

Folks keep raising the guess on how much oil is being spilled. Last I heard the well might be producing 50,000 barrels a day. If it was in your home state instead of a mile under water in the Gulf, can you imagine the headlines? It would be bigger the California gold strike in ‘49. Local officials would be dancing in the streets. The Governor would declare a holiday.

Meanwhile the environmentalists are battling the Chamber of Commerce. On TV every night the environmentalists tell how terrible the oil is along the coast from Louisiana to Key West. That scares away the vacationers. Then the local Chamber comes on and says, “No, the beaches in our town are clean, no oil in sight. Bring your family and enjoy our pristine sand.”

This could be a great beach vacation season for families. Along with sun screen and beach chairs, make sure every kid has a shovel and pail. If the beach has no oil, they build sand castles. If there is some oil, the kids can put  their shovels and pails to good use, cleaning a stretch of beach. They get to keep all the oil they can haul home.

The World Cup has started in South Africa. In the first three days, all the games either ended in a tie or a shutout. I don’t know much about soccer. I heard an expert say after the United States and England tied 1-1, that a tie was better than a win. So now I know even less than I thought. Here’s how the World Cup will be decided: any team that can’t score is eliminated. The teams that can score enough to tie their opponents will be declared Champions. A 10-way tie for World Cup Champion would be about perfect.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“After a football (soccer) game in Lima, Peru, five were killed. They only kill ten in a revolution down there, so two games equals one revolution. Up here we don’t kill our football players. We make coaches out of the smartest ones and send the others to the Legislature.” DT #1389, Jan. 5, 1931
“For five straight years (Uruguay) has had the champion football soccer team in the world, and they play any country. The referee stays inside a big wire net where the spectators can’t get at him. Down here the people vote on whether they will hold a football game or a revolution, both equal in casualties.”
 DT #1939, Oct. 21, 1932


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