COLUMBUS: The so-called preacher who predicted the world would end Saturday had to come up with a new sermon Sunday morning. He titled it “Oops”. You gotta feel sorry for the folks he hoodwinked into giving him all their money and possessions since the world was ending anyway. Do you think he will repay them? Not a chance. He’ll probably come out in a week or two and blame it on the metric system. He calculated using American units, but God (and the rest of the world) uses metrics. Exactly how long is a cubit?
President Obama wants to make peace with the Palestinians by giving them half of Israel.
Let’s hope he doesn’t propose to make peace with Mexico by giving them half of Texas.
He wants a “pre-1967 border” for Israel. Well, if you’re going to go back in history why not go back three thousand years and ask for a “pre-1000 B.C. border”. Back then Israel reached about 60 miles north of Damascus (including a big chunk of Syria), and was about 100 miles wide. I imagine Israel would gladly give up a few thousand acres of that land in return for peaceful relations with Palestine.
Asking Israel to return to a time when their capitol on the Mediterranean was only 9 miles from the enemy’s guns would be like living in downtown Chicago with guns aimed at it from Cicero. Of course if the Israelis and Palestinians got along as well with each other as folks from those two Illinois cities, then it could work out for all of them.
In church this morning, Tom Slack (a real preacher) uttered a prayer for everyone harmed by the Mississippi River. He said, “We made a decision to protect areas where people live close together and a flood would cause tremendous damage, and to sacrifice areas where people live far apart and a flood would cause tremendous damage.” There’s a message in that prayer all religions can agree on. Spend your money on flood victims, not end-of-the-world billboards.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“I thought they had the Jerusalem and Palestine thing pretty well settled as to who’s it was. But it seems those Arabs have broke out again. Why don’t the Jewish people recruit a lot of those east side boys from New York and out in Chicago that fought so good in the war, and send them over there? You can’t lick those Arabs with mass meetings and passing resolutions. Instead of going to that Wailing Wall with just some wails, why, take a gun. That would break ‘em from interrupting prayer meetings.” DT #966, August 30, 1929
 “The Islam women in Jerusalem have asked their government to take their veils off and allow the bride and bridegroom to see each other before marriage. It won’t do ‘em any good. We don’t use ‘em over here, but you would think we did.” DT #1273, August 24, 1930
 “Today saw Jerusalem, Dead Sea and Bethlehem (from the air). Never catch me traveling over here again unless I have read the Book.” DT #1709, January 15, 1932