Weekly Comments Archive
Archived Issue
Monday, August 26, 2024
ISSUE #1220
A Football Analogy: Kamala Harris, from Referee to Starting Quarterback.

A few folks have referred to Kamala Harris as the backup Quarterback who comes into the game after the starter suffers too many blows to the head, his brain is addled and he is removed from the game. (Some say the last of those blows was from his own teammates.)

Now, if you are not into football, you may want to stop reading. However, this analogy shows what can happen if football gets politicized.

A young Kamala Harris became a football Referee in Berkeley, California. No one was sure about her qualifications, but she came highly recommended by the respected Willie Brown. Her time as a Referee produced some odd results. Often a major penalty, such as crushing the quarterback, was reduced to a 5-yard penalty instead of 15. Several lower-level infractions were not called at all. If a defensive tackle jumped offsides only a half a second early, she ignored it even if the quarterback got smashed to the ground and broke three ribs.

After a few years, she was promoted to be the Referee for the state of California. She called a few major penalties on drug criminals, but overall, she closed her eyes to more crimes than she penalized.

This is where it gets weird. Based on her performance as a Referee, she was drafted as a football quarterback and sent to Washington. Before reporting, she somehow made them change their name from the Redskins to something less distinctive. In those early years with the team, she was mainly known as a passer. Not an outstanding passer, but that was her reputation despite having more interceptions than scores.

Then she decided to go for it all; she wanted to be the starting quarterback! During the early months of practice, she flopped so badly that she was the 12th rated QB and dropped out of the competition. But soon a miracle saved her career; based on an odd set of qualifications and statistics, she was named the backup QB. In that role, she was determined to become a prolific passer. Twice, with time running out in a tie game, she made passes that won the game for her starting QB, earning her team a bonus of about Four Trillion Dollars to spend, much of it frivolously. No one connected with her team seems to know where the money came from. But millions of fans of other teams across the country are convinced it came out of their pockets.

Despite those critical passes, this backup QB fell into disfavor. Too many fumbles. Many connected with the team urged the top executives to demote her and bring in another backup QB for the tough, demanding games near the end of the season. As you get close to the playoffs, you need a competent backup QB.

Then another miracle; among the available high-ranking quarterbacks, none wanted to join as No. 2. They all decided that 3 or 4 more years of experience with their own team would give them a better crack at jumping directly to be the No. 1 QB in Washington.

In a sudden shock, the starting QB suffered brain damage and was forced to leave the game. The failure had been gradual over a couple of years, but his team supported him, propped him up, and almost made it to the championship.

Now they are desperate. The backup QB they all wanted to fire is standing there, jumping with excitement, shouting “Pick me! Me. Me. Me.”  In an unbelievable turnaround, this backup QB became the darling of the team. It was unanimous, one hundred percent, total support for QB Kamala Harris.

Remarkably, the new QB has rebranded herself. Instead of a passing QB, she is now a running quarterback. Naturally, everyone connected with the team is cheering for her success. With her unique charm, she has attracted fans from other teams. Imagine, abandoning your own team to cheer for a previously little-known opponent.

The coach, or whoever is calling the plays (and no one is sure who that is), installed a play just for her that is proving successful. Here it is: The other 10 players all form a tight wedge that is designed to overpower the 11 opponents, giving the running QB an open field to the goal line.

Stay with me; The 11players on defense are journalists. Their job is to tackle her and keep her pinned down long enough to make her answer important questions. But oddly, as she is running her favorite play, at least 8 of the 11 defenders back away, refusing to lay a hand on her. Three run off the field to get a drink. Five actually join the Offense, drowning out questions shouted desperately at the QB as she glides on by. As she crosses the goal line, she is filled with Joy, and laughs uncontrollably at her doubters.

Of course, the other team (Republicans) gets the ball and has their own chance to score. Their starting QB has been around for what seems like a long time. But only since 2016. He is reminiscent of George Blanda of the Chicago Bears. As Trump and his team take the field, suddenly the opposition (journalists) is alert and ready to pounce. No backing away now. The blocking and tackling is fierce. Tough questions get precise answers, such as, “On energy, we will become a supplier to the world. Drill, baby drill. On illegal immigration, when we say, ‘Don’t come,’ it will be backed up by a 30-foot wall. We will grow the economy, build more businesses right here in the USA, increase tax revenues without raising taxes, and bring down inflation.”

It’s not easy, but the Republicans score, tying the game.

Ok, this “game” will continue until November 5. Everyone expects it to be a tight score. As Will Rogers said on election day in 1932, “let everybody pray that it’s not a tie, for we couldn’t go through with this thing again.”

(Next week I’ll tell what I’ve been doing in August, including an Award that helps explain why this is a day late.)

Randall Reeder
WillRogersToday (dot) com

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