Finally, the political conventions are over and America can concentrate on what really matters – football.
The Republicans had their peculiar episode when Clint Eastwood talked to an empty chair. The Democrats countered by removing God and Jerusalem from their Platform, then trying to put ‘em back in. First, Mayor Villaraigosa called for a voice vote three times and each time got as many “No” votes as “Aye” votes. Regardless, he declared the amendment passed. Half the delegates booed.
Here’s the Democrats’ mistake. When you have a vote where you know the result you want, have it run by a mayor from Chicago, not Los Angeles. A Chicago mayor’s roots go back to Al Capone and Bugs Moran, so here’s how he would have conducted the vote: “Delegates, we’re gonna put God back in the platform and it requires a two-to-one Yes vote. If you plan to vote “Yes”, good for you. If you even think about voting “No”, be prepared for an iron pipe to touch up your kneecaps. And we would not want television cameras to show any of you nice folks hobbling out of here on crutches. All in favor, say Aye. (Loud response.) All opposed, say No. (Dead silence.) The amendment passed unanimously.” Now, THAT’S how they vote in Chicago.
Wednesday night Bill Clinton gave a rousing speech. On Thursday night, folks figured President Obama might endorse the Clinton economic plan. But he didn’t. Instead he offered a “better path.” That may sound encouraging to you but for us old country folks who grew up with “four rooms and a path”, we want running water and flush toilets, not a better path. Obama reminded us of Franklin Roosevelt’s challenge ending the Great Depression, implying that we might have to elect him to four terms.
On Friday, the jobs report came out. The good news was that unemployment dropped from 8.3 to 8.1%. The bad news was that 368,000 folks gave up and stopped looking for work. So if President Obama does the arithmetic as Bill Clinton suggested, he will work hard the next month or two getting unemployment under 8% by persuading another 368,000 to drop out.
Of course, this is all silly. But no sillier or outrageous than what you will hear in speeches and commercials the next two months. Who’s ready for some football?
Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“I tell you, if we got just one-tenth of what was promised to us in either the Democratic or Republican acceptance speech, there wouldn’t be any inducement to want to go to heaven.” 1928
“Now that the Conventions are over and I sit and think of the amount of applesauce and hooey that was spilled there, you wonder that we are even doing as well as we are as a nation.” 1932