#408, May 8, 2006

CANTON, Ohio:  Mexico changed it’s mind on drugs. Yes, after Mr. Fox announced marijuana, cocaine and all these other drugs would be legal, why the outflow of Mexicans northward ground to a halt. Remember the millions that took off work last Monday? By Tuesday a million of them were back on home soil, already high in Tijuana, Juarez and Matamoros.

President Fox is a smart man, and sensing an end to Mexico’s biggest national product (Yankee dollars), he reversed himself and said Mexico will stay tough on drugs. From now on, or as long as he’s in office, drugs are illegal, except the ones marked for export to the U. S.

Did you see the survey that showed a third of our young adults can’t find Louisiana on a map? Lots of other places they couldn’t locate either. We’ve been laughing for years at the young fools Jay Leno interviews as he’s “Jay Walking”, and here we find out they’re in the majority. It’s bad news and good news: they’re old enough to vote, but they’re unlikely to ever find the polling place.

Here’s a long term solution to our geography ignorance. Every baby that’s born, send them home with one of those puzzle maps with all fifty states, and they’re not allowed into kindergarten unless they can name and locate all fifty. And they can’t get into first grade until their parents can name the state capitals.

President Bush received a letter from the former terrorist who’s running Iran. It was 18 pages, and he was impressed with the length, “It’s longer than my college thesis.” After reading all the fine print and pondering over it, he and Secretary Rice decided it read less like a Nuclear Peace Offering, and more like a man announcing his candidacy for 2008. Get a copy of it if you can, and read it. You’ll agree it looks better than most Party Platforms we come up with every four years, and just as likely to ever be followed.

The so-called approval ratings of Congress and President Bush are so low only about a third like the job they’re doing. That’s not good in an election year and reminds me of 1932. “There is one thing you can bet on this year. No voter is going to do anything that a politician thinks he will do. The way most people feel, they would like to vote against all of ’em if it was possible.” (DT #1797, April 27, 1932)  (more below…)
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How’s this for a testimonial? “What a great ‘Uncle Will’ you did for the Western Arts Convention (Apr. 22 at Claremore, OK). Your quotes were well chosen and your mannerisms were so exactly like I remember Uncle Will. Thanks for keeping him alive still today. Hope you carry on like this for many years.” Doris “Coke” Lane Meyer, Bartlesville, OK  (Will’s grand neice)
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Remember two weeks ago I joked about bringing rain to Oklahoma? Well, it rained the day I left, and since then Claremore has had 7 inches. I may have underestimated myself. I see where the drought has moved to Florida, and grass fires are breaking out. I’m willing to go down there for the right offer and try my hand at rainmaking again. But like a Wall Street broker, past success is no guarantee of future showers.

I’m here in Canton, home of President William McKinley and the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Today it’s home to a convention of bankers, or at least the computer folks that provide all the Information Technology for the banks. Their job is to provide the equipment and write the software that makes a modern bank as fast, accurate, honest and burglar proof as the tellers used to do with pencil and paper and a Winchester. They chuckled at my jokes on the bankers, but not as much as ones on lawyers, farmers and Democrats.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“The banker, the lawyer, and the politician are still our best bets for a laugh. Audiences havent changed at all, and neither has the three above professions. And incidentally comedians havent improved.” WA #659, August 11, 1935

“Branch banks are all the go now. They realize they have got to bring the bank nearer the robber. He won’t be annoyed by driving through [downtown] traffic just to rob a bank. The branch bank is the robbers’ only salvation.” DT #393, October 25, 1927