# 366, June 2, 2005

COLUMBUS: I got a haircut last evening. Now, I don’t have the same barber as Neil Armstrong. But if mine would sign up for a seminar on how to market hair strands (slightly used), why I would be happy to split the bounty. My hair can’t claim to have ever been out of this world, but like the astronaut’s, it’s a “one owner” model. It has been regularly washed, combed and waxed, and protected from the elements by being parked under a small Stetson. I will admit when it comes to color, mine has faded appreciably, but anyone intent on paying $3000 for a small supply of high quality hair won’t be deterred by declining pigmentation.

France and Holland voted No on Europe’s Constitution. France says, “We will stand alone. And in case a War breaks out, we’ll fight and defend our borders valiantly. At least for an hour or two. Then after we’ve been overrun, we’ll allow the rest of you folks to come in and bail us out of a pickle.”

Mark Felt, the former Number 2 man at the FBI behind J. Edgar Hoover, finally came clean. He admitted he was the one that helped the Washington Post bring down Nixon. We’ve been waiting a long time to find out who this fellow was. It’s not every day you meet a man who can keep a secret for 30 years. Of course, some secrets he couldn’t even keep 24 hours without blabbing it to the Post. Folks ain’t quite sure whether he is a hero or a goat, but it’s hard to argue with a man just because he wanted the truth to come out.

John Bolton was nominated for Ambassador to the UN. Some senators are convinced he’s a goat, and not fit to be our chief diplomat. They give several reasons, but it mostly boils down to one thing: He ain’t diplomatic! Well, the President figures we’ve tried diplomacy for 50 years; Mr. Bolton couldn’t do any worse.

Danica Patrick came in fourth in the Indy 500, and nobody remembers who finished first, second or third. She pumped life back into that race, kinda like Bush hopes Bolton will do at the UN.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“Diplomacy was invented by a man named Webster, to use up all the words in his Dictionary that dident mean anything. A Diplomat is a man that tells you what he don’t believe himself, and the man that he is telling it too don’t believe it any more than he does. He don’t believe you and you don’t believe him, so it always balances.” Saturday Evening Post, June 9, 1928

“A diplomat has a hundred ways of saying nothing, but no way of saying something, because he has never had anything to say. That’s why they call ’em diplomats.” DT #2159, July 5, 1933

“Diplomats are nothing but high-class lawyers —  and some of them ain’t even high class.” WA #5, January 14, 1923