June 12, 2011

COLUMBUS: The stock market is going down, and  unemployment is headed up. If you want a job go to Texas, North Dakota or McDonalds.

The newspapers forced Alaska to print off all the emails sent by Governor Palin. Then they found they had laid off so many reporters they had to ask volunteers to read through ‘em all to dig up dirt. They offered prizes to the readers who found the dirtiest ones. Wonder which governor they will tackle next.

Actually what they were looking for in the emails was attached photos of Sarah. They’re tired of looking at Weiner’s.

The President is delighted with any news that draws attention away from the pending doom of the debt limit. When you’re spending ten dollars for every six you take in, the last thing you want is a front page story asking which four dollars you intend to cut.

The Republican candidates are having another debate. Tim Pawlenty, who has been described as dry and lacking enthusiasm, announced Sunday that, if elected, he has no intention of being the “Comedian-in-Chief”. That’s good news for comedians. We don’t need the competition.

Here is it the middle of June and the Dallas Mavericks knocked off the Miami Heat to finally end the basketball season. The only thing more out of place than basketball in June is ice hockey. LeBron James thought he had assembled an unbeatable team a few months ago, but Dirk Nowitzki has been building a team for a dozen years.

Defense Secretary Gates sure shot into a hornets nest when he criticized Europe for not carrying their weight. If France and Germany got half as mad at terrorists as they did at Gates, why the Taliban and Al Qaeda would be wiped out in a week. NATO has 28 countries, but they expect us to pay 75% of the bills. Europe likes to go to the beach for six weeks while Uncle Sam is their life guard. They get a tan, we get taken. Europeans dislike the prospect of war because they might have to buy another gun. Gadaffi is safe because Europe ran out of ammunition.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“Any fool can fight a war, but it takes a smart man to jar any loose change out of any part of Europe… It is much easier for America to whip a Nation than it is to collect a dollar from them. There is only one way we could be in worse with Europeans, and that is to have helped them out in two wars instead of one.” Saturday Evening Post, July 10, 1926

 “They say all (European) nations are sore at us, but unfortunately for us they didn’t get sore at us quick enough. If they had, we would have saved money. We are the ones that should be sore at them for not getting sore at us quicker.” DT #125, Dec. 29, 1926

“That’s one good thing about European nations: They can’t hate you so bad they wouldn’t use you.” Radio, March 31, 1935