#409, May 15, 2006

COLUMBUS: President Bush announced his plan to use the National Guard to secure the Mexican border. The news hounds had been saying for days that’s what he would unveil to the country, and if he had stopped there, his popularity would have shot up. But like any politician, you give him a national audience he can’t stop at 5 minutes. He felt compelled to dive into other immigrant problems and the longer he talked the more he lost.

I read where alligators killed three people in Florida, and I think President Bush is overlooking a border solution. Florida’s got an excess of gators, so ship a few thousand of ’em to the Rio Grande.

Now a few folks have remarked that I seem kinda down on illegal immigrants, and perhaps I should welcome them. I have nothing against any of them individually and mean no harm. But I come by my opinion honestly, as you will see if you to reread my Weekly Comments of April 1.

Not everybody is happy with the Bush border plan. The mayor of El Paso said on ABC television that it’s the states up north clamoring for troops along the border. “Put the National Guard in states like West Virginia, Ohio and Wisconsin, and see how they like it.” Well, I think Senator Byrd would welcome a few thousand troops to the Mountain State, as long as they are paid for with federal tax dollars. Anything to draw more tax dollars into the state, he’s for it. Ohio’s Governor Taft might not object either, and he would use them to keep Ohioans from leaving, not to keep immigrants out.

Wisconsin is a different story. The only way immigrants can sneak in is to swim across Lake Superior. Any man who can survive that is one tough hombre, just the kind Wisconsin’s looking for. They would put them to work cutting timber in the north woods, and the best ones could play defense for the Packers.

Now I know the El Paso mayor means well, but I wouldn’t criticize the National Guard if I was him because when they build that new border fence, they might put it on the north side of town.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“(In Mexico, Dwight) Morrow calls himself Ambassador from the United States, not America. You know Mexico feels, and with some slight justification, that they are in America too. They don’t feel that America ends at the Rio Grande River. Of course they may be wrong, but they are just childish enough to feel that way. But we always speak of ourselves down there as being From America, as though they were in Asia.

… Nature so provided that the worst part of Mexico joins us. If it hadent been we would have taken any good part long ago.” Saturday Evening Post, May 19, 1928