Weekly Comments Archive
Archived Issue
Thursday, February 12, 2004
ISSUE #309
Weekly Comments: Clark is out; M&M’s are in

# 309, February 12, 2004

COLUMBUS: The President appointed a Commission to investigate why we went to war in Iraq. It’s peculiar. He knows why he went to war, but he’s going to keep it from them till after the election. Now, if they can dig up a good reason on their own sooner, he’ll let ’em report it in October.

There’s nothing wrong with appointing a Commission (see Historic quotes). But if we have to have one, most people would prefer they find out why Saudi Arabia keeps raising the price of our oil.

Senator Kerry won two more primaries. He’s building a lead that could take all the fun out of the primaries, if it wasn’t for Al Sharpton.

General Clark gave up the fight. This was a week after Oklahoma went out on a limb for him, and now he’s quit. Oklahoma gets left at the altar again. I may have to go out there and see if I can grab off a few “favorite son” delegates.

The candidates, what’s left of ’em, have moved on to Wisconsin. In 1928 “I”wrote, “Wisconsin is never doubtful. You can always depend on it doing just exactly what the other forty_seven don’t.” (DT #577, June 1, 1928) So there is hope yet for Governor Dean.

In the Dairy State, everything is Real. And everybody’s got a Wisconsin slogan. Dean says he is the “Real Choice”. Kerry is the “Real Deal”. Dennis Kucinich’s platform is “Really, one percent of the American people can’t be wrong.”

Between now and Tuesday they’ll all be looking for a mic. They can’t pass a microphone without spouting into it. They all have something important to say, but if you have a chance, there’s another fellow in Wisconsin you’ll enjoy listening to. He’s Mike McKinley, a professional speaker from Eau Claire.

He’s a friend of mine and I invited him to Ohio to speak in November. So, he stopped off on his way to give a big speech in New Jersey. Gave a wonderful talk, and a few days later I got a gift in the mail from him, just the same as if we had paid him. It was a container of M&M’s, with peanuts. (See, his initials are M. M., and he’s kinda nutty.) Mike knows I’m on that Adkin’s diet plan, and he figured I could eat one M&M a day without overdosing on carbs. At one a day I calculated the supply would last me till about Groundhog Day.

Sure enough, I was running low so I sent him a note, “Mike, should I buy some replacement M&M’s, or book you for another free speech?” Well, yesterday a package arrived, Priority Mail no less. Inside was a big 14 oz. package of M&M’s and a note. “Here’s more M&M’s. Now remember, one at a time is sublime.” That package will probably last me till Labor Day, if I can keep the granddaughters out of ’em.

Now, I’ve got to think of something to send him. He’s a wonderful fellow, and a terrific speaker, even if you have to pay him. His slogan is “Real Motivation, Real Change, Real Fun”. You might guess his web site. It’s: http//:www.RealMikeMcKinley.com

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“Commissions have contributed more to humor than they have to achievement in American life.” Saturday Evening Post, Feb. 27, 1932

“I see by the papers [President] Hoover’s got a new commission. This is one of the most unique ones of all. He has appointed it to find out ‘if he storied about the Navy or if he didn’t.'” DT #1648, Nov. 3, 1931

“Commissions are fine, but they turn in a lot of data about something that ain’t so good. I mean, it’s bad data. They’re always investigating things that are bad, and the data is bad. Well, what’s the use of having a lot of statistics and data on something that you can’t use. It’s kind like garbage: what’s the use of collecting it if you don’t know what to do with it.

Appointing a commission is not any crime. It’s been considered a very fine way of handling anything, but it seems like a presidential commission don’t get nothin’ done. They don’t really earn the breakfast that they give ’em at the White House the day they appoint ’em.” Radio broadcast, April 30, 1933


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