Weekly Comments Archive
Archived Issue
Sunday, April 12, 2009
ISSUE #546
Weekly Comments: Easter Sunday brought good news to U.S.

COLUMBUS: In case you were ever in doubt, today proved the worth of a Navy. Those Somali pirates had been living high, raking in millions of dollars faster than a Wall Street Hedge Fund manager. These aren’t your Disney pirates; they’re bright, ruthless kidnappers who trained by studying the likes of Al Capone, Willy Sutton, and the Dalton Gang.

But they neglected one big lesson: don’t rile the U.S. Navy.

The French Navy was no pushover either. Now we’ve gotta convince a few more countries to get serious with these Somali terrorists. The head guys are on land and think they’re safe. We’ve got an Air Force too, and if a few bombs eliminate a few head guys, the ships held for ransom may be let go in a hurry.

The heroism of ship captain Richard Phillips and the Navy Seals sharpshooters overshadowed the big news from the White House: a non-allergenic dog for the First Daughters. It’s a special dog, a water dog of Portugese and Kennedy ancestry. The girls named him Bo.

There’s been more interest in naming the dog than naming assistants for Treasury Secretary Geithner. They’re short a dozen high level money managers to work on our financial mess. Personally I figure quite a few taxpayers who today are scrambling to dig up enough cash to cover their check to the IRS are qualified. The first question on the job application should be this one. If you are hit with a huge unexpected expense that drives you far into debt, the following year would you plan to: A. Spend more; B. Spend the same; C. Spend less; or D. It depends?

If they answer “C”, hire ’em. The government is already overloaded with ones who said “A”. If you get more worthy candidates than needed, send ’em to Sacramento or some other state Capitol.

The Obama family attended a local church on Easter Sunday. Like a lot of other church goers, they gave no indication they’ll return any time soon. See, they haven’t decided yet on a home church in Washington.

In the Masters golf tournament, they had a three-way tie, and none of ’em was named Tiger. The playoff winner was an Argentinian named Angel Cabrera. Quite appropriate for Easter Sunday.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.” WA #99, Nov. 2, 1924. Also DT #822, March 15, 1929

“If there ever was a time to save, it’s now. When a dog gets a bone he don’t go out and make the first payment on a bigger bone with it. He buries the one he’s got… Don’t make the first payment on anything. First payments is what made us think we were prosperous, and the other nineteen is what showed us we were broke.” DT #1234, July 9, 1930

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