July 13, 2003

COLUMBUS: Jerry Springer is running for the Senate and he riled up some Ohio folks last week. He kinda poked fun at a fine little town in the northwest corner of the state named Hicksville. Now anybody in Ohio knows a candidate does not joke about Ohio. No, to get elected here, you make fun of Michigan.

But Jerry posed for a picture under the Hicksville sign at the edge of town. He is selling those pictures at $100 and kinda claiming it will be “weirdos and hicks” that will give him enough votes to win.

If you’ve ever watched his television show you can see how he might get almost all of those constituents. And even in a great state like Ohio, if they all vote, it could carry an election. But here is the question his campaign has to answer: Can any of them can scrape up $100 for the picture?

You remember last week I referred to emails offering millions from Nigeria. I was getting maybe two a month. But business seems to have picked up with the President’s visit. I’m up to two a day now. The amount they want to deposit in my personal bank account hasn’t changed, but the percentage they say I can keep has gone up.

But I ain’t biting. Shucks, I don’t even subscribe to magazines from Publishers Clearing House, and their offer works out about the same.

Amazing weather in Ohio today. No rain. Folks here have forgotten how it is to walk around without an umbrella and galoshes. Storms knocked down a lot of electric lines, which is a big problem for city folk. Out in the country everyone is used to downed power lines so they’re ready for it. Why, some remember a time when they had no electric lines. The Amish still don’t.

Our former President, Gerald Ford, turns 90 tomorrow. He is quite a golfer, so don’t be surprised if he plays a round and shoots his age. Betty may go with him to drive the cart.

Historic quote from Will Rogers:

“They may call me a rube and a hick, but I’d a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.” (Undated)