Weekly Comments Archive
Archived Issue
Sunday, August 7, 2016
ISSUE #878
Weekly Comments: Will Rogers for President; advice for Trump and Clinton

Before I officially launch my own campaign, as the nominee of the Anti-Bunk Party, I feel it is only fair to offer assistance to my main opponents for President, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. After all, “after every political convention, the number of people who are dissatisfied with the nomination far exceeds those who feel that an ideal choice has been made.”

My advice to Trump is to stop watching television. Don’t read anything critics say about you or your family. Stay off Twitter; let a trusted adviser send out a bland tweet now and then. Nothing meaningful can be said in 140 characters anyway.  Ask Paul Manafort to get you some horse blinders, you know, those things they put on a race horse so he can’t see what’s off to the side or behind him, only what’s straight ahead. For you, that means seeing only Clinton and President Obama, no one else. If they say you are unfit or unqualified, ignore ‘em instead of proving them right. Talk about their weak economy, their mistakes, their poor judgement. Ignore Elizabeth Warren, obscure detractors, and crying babies.

Hillary Clinton, you should go away for 3 months. Say nothing. No press conferences.  Only speak at fund raisers; nobody is better at speaking for dollars, except maybe Bill. You’re far ahead, and will only lose ground by talking in public. In public, just nod, wave and smile. You have a delightful smile. But don’t laugh. Never laugh.  You will be forced to appear in three debates, but no matter what is asked, or what Trump says, just smile. Kinda like Mohammad Ali’s rope-a-dope style. If you happen to get an easy question that can be answered without lying, give a short answer and shut up. Never say “short-circuit” again. To an electrician it means electricity going in the wrong direction, often resulting in a blown fuse. Coming from you, it sounds like another word for lying.

As for me, WillRogersforPresident.com will be up and running in a few days. I am tempted to say my campaign will begin officially on August 15 because that would be unique in American history. No candidate has every announced for President on the day he died.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“In the old days, the Republican Party and the Democratic Party each had a definite reason for its existence. Between the two of them were lively little bones of contention known as ‘issues.’ Slavery was an issue; so was the Tariff; and so was American Neutrality in the World War.

Are there any issues today? Well-there is one: Prosperity. And the parentage of that uncertain issue is claimed by both parties with equal vociferousness. Nor is there any current Solomon wise enough to decide which claim is more legitimate. Both candidates will solemnly urge the voters to go to the polls and decide by their ballots whether or not we Americans are in favor of Prosperity. The American people, of course, will vote ‘Yes,’ especially the farmers and the workers in the coal industry, owners and laborers alike, who are interested to know when Prosperity is due to start.

          The Anti-Bunk Party is a home for dissatisfied voters, of which there is always a healthy majority.” 1928


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