COLUMBUS, Ohio: Will Rogers was good friends with Henry Ford. That friendship gave Will “permission” to joke about the Model T Ford. At one time, half the cars on the road were Model T Fords, not counting the ones on the side of the road, broke down.
Here’s Will, on his radio program, June 1, 1930: “You know, I was going to talk on Henry Ford last week, and I told you about mine going ‘Flooey’ on me when I started to drive in here last Sunday evening, and I was afraid I wouldn’t give Mr. Ford a fair deal. Well, the next morning I got a wire from Mr. Ford himself, saying ‘What was the matter? Was the tank empty?’
I know he has got quite a sense of humor. A few years ago I was out to his home in Dearborn. I was playing there with the Follies, and I went out to his home and it was the time when the Star car was supposed to be going to cut quite a dash in the Ford sales, so I asked him, ‘Mr. Ford, I know it is rather inquisitive, but in case these opposition things get to cutting the prices and all, just how cheap could you sell your car?’
He said, ‘Well, Will, that is kind of personal but if the worst comes to the worst, I could give it away, as long as we retain the selling of the parts. You know, Will, one of these things will shake off enough in a year to pay for itself.’”
Here’s my own recent experience with one of Mr. Ford’s machines, my 7-year-old F-150. Is there anything more annoying than when the “engine light” flashes on? You have no idea whether it’s something simple like a gas cap too tight or a major overhaul. After driving for a few more days, with no apparent problem, I got it into my local Ford garage. They do wonderful work and I appreciate them because these modern-day vehicles are not built like the Model T. Back then everything was simple. Ordinary men, and even women, could find and fix about any problem that popped up. (Except Will Rogers, who claimed he knew nothing about machines, “If I raised up the hood and a Rabbit jumped out, I wouldn’t know but what he belonged in there. I drive ’em, but I sho don’t try to fix ’em.”)
So the head mechanic connected my smooth-running truck to a computer and a minute later discovered I needed a new catalytic converter. The labor charge for this discovery was $189, and the charge for the computer was $25. That was just to find the problem. The new catalytic converter cost $760, plus $4 for two nuts to hold it in place. Labor was $560. Now off hand, that seems a little steep when, by comparison, a rank-amateur thief can crawl under a car, remove a catalytic converter, and get away in 30 seconds. Even worse, I learned that a Ford F-150 has TWO of these $760 converters, meaning I can expect that annoying engine light to flash again in a few months.
The mechanic also recommended I get new spark plugs and rear brake pads. I know what you are thinking; didn’t you use to replace those yourself? Well, yes. By the time I was 14, I could replace the spark plugs in our 4-cylinder Ferguson tractor in about 20 minutes. In later years it was an easy job on our cars and Ford pickups. But now, the engine compartment is so full of chips and other paraphernalia that it can take an expert mechanic to even locate the spark plugs. This expertise comes with a price; labor cost was $50. For each plug!
Two brake pads and rotor assemblies cost $420 and labor was $280.
He also replaced the air filter element ($27) with labor only $23. (The air filter must be twice as easy to locate as a spark plug.)
With an oil change and a charge for miscellaneous shop materials the total bill was $3100 plus sales tax. That included $1600 for labor for a day and a half.
Now I ain’t complaining. I will point out, however, $3100 is more than the total cost for my first new car. You’ve heard the old joke about the customer complaining to the mechanic, “This cost is outrageous. I didn’t even pay my doctor that much to fix my migraine headache.” The mechanic replied, “Yes, that’s why I quit doctoring.”
I know that some of the charges for labor and parts goes to keep the lights on, heat or cool the huge shop, and pay the clerk who adds up all these charges and collects the money. The good news is that vehicles today get double the gas mileage compared to the years before anyone heard of catalytic converters and unleaded gas. And spark plugs, brake pads and catalytic converters last 90,000 miles.
A few closing compliments by Will Rogers about Mr. Ford, “There is more jokes told about it than any other thing. A Ford car and a Democratic Convention has kept a lot of us comedians alive. He is the first man to realize that every joke sold a car and every joke bought one… A Ford car and a marriage certificate is the two cheapest things there is. We no more than get either one than we want to trade them in for something better…I always liked Mr. Ford. I think he is a great man, and I wish we had a lot more like him.” (Radio, June 1, 1930)