#414, June 19, 2006

COLUMBUS: The new hotbed of hockey is Raleigh, North Carolina. Yes sir, they just recently learned how to cover a basketball floor with ice, and tonight they skated so good on it they beat Canada for the Stanley Cup.

On Sunday an Australian showed us how to win at golf. Have you noticed that most Americans, especially men, relate to golf much more than hockey or soccer. Americans are not especially fond of sliding on ice even in an automobile or pickup truck. And why would any man with a reasonably good pair of hands and arms insist on batting a ball with his head.

But golf? Is there any golfer who hasn’t uttered those famous words of Phil Mickelson on the last hole of the U.S. Open, “I’m an idiot.”

In Washington they debated the Iraq War. Both sides of the issue are quite simple: Republicans stand behind their President when he insists, “Stay the course.” On the other hand, Democrats insist the President stand up and say, “I’m an idiot.”

Houston is getting belted with a foot or two of rain. Meanwhile, the drought continues in north Texas and Oklahoma. Wheat yields are so poor the farmers are petitioning their Congressmen to build an irrigation ditch from Houston for relief. Houston’s for it, not only providing the water but an excess Congressman to boot.

North Korea announced they will soon fire a long range missile as a test. President Bush says we are ready for ’em, on the outside chance it might reach as far as an Alaska oil well. So, by coincidence, we’ll be testing our own new-fangled missile defense system. If our anti-missile missile knocks the Korean rocket out of the air before it leaves their shores he will give it a passing grade. Vice-President Cheney is confident it will perform even better than that, “If it works to perfection, it’ll blow up their rocket before it leaves the ground.”

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf will. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you can get so sore at yourself that you forget to hate your enemies.” WA #310, December 2, 1928

“Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it.” Saturday Evening Post, June 9, 1928