Weekly Comments Archive
Archived Issue
Monday, August 21, 2006
ISSUE #421
Will gets one right, one wrong

#421, August 21, 2006

COLUMBUS: Two weeks ago I said those rusty BP oil pipes in Alaska would lead to higher prices. I was wrong, and I’m the first to admit it. Gas prices in Ohio are down 40 cents instead of up. Maybe we can get the other big companies to shut down a few wells and drop the price 80 cents. Maybe even a dollar.

But I got one thing right about the Lebanon cease-fire. France wanted to take charge of controlling the Islamic terrorists; said they would send 2000 Army troops. They wanted to lead the disarming force, to be a role model for other freedom-loving nations. Well, when word reached Paris that Hezbollah did not intend to disarm without a fight, 1800 of the French Army decided to stay home. Seeing what the French had done, these other countries decided not to send any soldiers at all, except for the nations on the same side as Hezbollah. With the prospect of a force like that staring at ’em across the border, can you blame Israel for disarming a few terrorists themselves?

By coincidence Philadelphia decided to kick out 60,000 Boy Scouts from their headquarters building in the City of Brotherly Love. Well, these boys put God and country above self; they could go over there and root out those Hezbollah polecats before France gets even 200 of their soldiers picked up off the Riviera beaches and back in uniform.

Joe Lieberman uttered the quote of the week: “I’m not a member of any organized political party.” Hey, I’m kidding about the quote, but ole Joe is trying to get re-elected as an Independent. He wants to do for Connecticut what Huey Long did for Louisiana. If he gets in there and the Senate is split even, he’ll just throw his vote to whoever gives him the most dough to spread around. He’ll propose a dam on the Connecticut River. It’ll cover half of Massachusetts, but his farmers can use the water to irrigate their crops. Why, don’t be surprised if he puts in a bill to build a bridge from New London to Long Island.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“Heat and reason don’t go together, anyhow, you know…. I’m just warning you what you’re going to get this summer. There’s going to be a lot of spouting from the speakers’ platforms all this summer. There’ll be more perspiration than common sense flowing, and the whole political thing has come now to a pretty direct division point. I mean there’s been a direct split in the parties…

So all this talking and all this spouting, and all the hard feelings and all the perspiration that’s going to be smeared about all this summer will just be a total loss. Conditions win elections and not speeches, and these denouncing orators should remember that every time they cuss the president they lose friends. They may get some applause from a partisan audience, but we still think it’s the highest office in the whole world. And we always think, and we have justification in thinking, that it’s always held by the highest type of men, regardless of which party they belong to. So any denouncing, no matter which side he’s on, he loses more votes than he gains.” Radio broadcast, June 9, 1935 (This was Will’s last radio broadcast.)


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