#427, October 8, 2006

COLUMBUS: All those little Amish girls died last week because a man never learned the suitable way to commit suicide. Used to be a man that was determined to die would take a gun and go off by himself and pull the trigger. But now it seems he ain’t satisfied unless he takes out a vast number of innocent lives first. It’s not just the radical Islamic terrorists, but ordinary men (and women), some who appear to be good, God-fearing Christians before turning into mass murderers.

Did you notice that these plain Amish folks are the most forgiving people in the world. They prayed for the killer’s family and mourned at his funeral. Who else would’ve done that?

Before you start hollering how dangerous our schools are, if these children were out on their own all day no telling how many wouldn’t be home for supper.

Congress adjourned, the stock market set a new record, and Republicans can’t figure out why nobody is shouting Hallelujah. Well, this “new high” just means it took six years to climb back to where it was before. And if you’re drawing the same wage as you were then, and look at what gas is costing today, why there’s not much to get excited about.

Congressman Foley resigned, and the Democrats say they want Dennis Hastert to follow him out the door, like he was supposed to know all about the shenanigans of this peculiar man. Now just imagine, there’s 435 members in your family and you’re the head of it. If one or two of them decide to sneak out to the woods or behind the barn do you suppose you could catch ’em?

For those of you who, a couple of weeks ago, couldn’t imagine how the negative ads could get any dirtier, well, thanks to Foley they have. Your only hope for peace in the next month is to turn off the television and radio. Just read the newspaper and skip over any offensive political ads. Come to think of it, that’s about how the Amish do it. And look how contented they are.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“To show that we get along better without ’em, since Congress adjourned last Monday, business has jumped up like it’s been shot. Honest, the whole thing, it just went up like that. (Stock) market, everything; everything went up. Everybody’s feeling better. If they had adjourned before they’d a met, I expect we’d have been the most prosperous nation in the world.” Radio broadcast, June 24, 1934

“We all joke about Congress, but we can’t improve on them. Have you noticed that no matter who we elect, he is just as bad as the one he replaces?” Notes (undated)