The “Unbelievable” Election of 2016

The 2016 Presidential campaign keeps getting weirder and weirder. The longer the candidates talk, the more they say, the less people believe them.

Donald Trump keeps promising that Mexico will pay for a wall, China will suffer tariffs on all their goods sold here, Islamic terrorists will be wiped out in the Middle East, and we won’t need their oil because we’ll become energy independent. On Election Day, 90 percent of Republicans will say, “I don’t believe he can do what he claims, but I’m voting for him.”

Hillary Clinton keeps defending her personal email system for top secret messages despite a State Department report that her use of it was against policy (and against the law).

A year ago a third of voters thought Hillary Clinton was dishonest. Now two-thirds don’t believe her. At this rate by November 8, over 90 percent of Democrats will say, “I don’t believe a word she says, but I’m voting for her.”

While Trump has the nomination wrapped up, Bernie Sanders is having too much fun to quit campaigning. When Secretary Clinton refused to debate him before the California primary, he asked Trump to debate him instead. When Trump accepted, Hillary nearly choked on a Chipotle chicken burrito with hot sauce. She could imagine the catastrophe of Sanders and Trump ganging up on her for 2 hours in a debate from the Rose Bowl with fifty million watching on television. Well, Trump changed his mind before she needed a Heimlich maneuver.

If she ends up losing California to Sanders she may need mouth to mouth resuscitation.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.” WA # 31, July 15, 1923

“Another Decoration Day passed and Mr. Abraham Lincoln’s 300-word Gettysburg Address was not dethroned. I would try and imitate its brevity if nothing else. Of course, Lincoln had the advantage; he had no foreign policy message to put over. He didn’t even have a foreign policy.” DT #268, May 31, 1927

Weekly Comments: Hillary battling both Sanders and Trump

On CNN Thursday Hillary Clinton said firmly, “I will be the nominee.” But Bernie Sanders and his legion of young followers are refusing to give up. After all, he recently won in West Virginia and Oregon and finished in a virtual tie in Kentucky. He is drawing huge crowds in California ahead of the June 7 primary.

Mrs. Clinton was asked if Trump is qualified to be President. She said, “No.” I was not surprised because a lot of Republicans also question his qualifications. But the next question should have been, “Is Senator Sanders qualified?” Remember, he already said she is not qualified, so that would have gotten an interesting answer. She would have to say “yes” because she may need him as her Vice President to wrap up the election. Now, if she has others in mind for V-P, she could offer him a cabinet post. I suggest Treasury Secretary. If Sanders does not get a good offer from Hillary, he’ll apply to be the new President of Venezuela.

Donald Trump announced eleven possible Supreme Court nominees. He also listed half a dozen possible Vice President candidates. I think the most interesting one is Newt Gingrich. Their theme could be “2 Men, 6 Wives, and a Beauty Pageant.” That’s how you make American great again.

Meanwhile Clinton said she wants to be known as “Boring Hillary.” She prefers that over Heartless Hillary or Crooked Hillary. She probably got the idea from Calvin Coolidge, known as “Silent Cal.” He didn’t spew out an excess of words, but what he did say was never boring. He won the 1924 election on the theme of “Economy.”

Speaking of economy, Hillary said her husband would be in charge of reviving the Economy. As president, Bill Clinton did great with the economy, but he had Congressmen Newt Gingrich and John Kasich laying the ground rules for him. Together they balanced the budget three years in a row in the late 1990s. But I’m not sure the Clintons would be interested in any conservative principles now.

With all the young followers Bernie Sanders has with his socialist message, it makes you wonder about education in this country. When did our schools and colleges stop teaching about basic economics and capitalism? I suggest a required one week intensive workshop for every school and college so they can learn what we seem to have forgotten in the last 30 or 40 years. You may say, “That’s too much for those young minds to absorb.” Well, relax. This intensive training is for the teachers and professors. Every politician should get it too.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:

“(Herbert) Hoover is formally in the race now.  The others are candidates by personal desires. It will be interesting to see what kind of race a known qualified man can make. This election will decide whether qualifications are an asset or a liability.” DT #484, February 13, 1928

Clinton vs. Trump: Strategies for November

Who would have guessed it? The Republicans started with 17 candidates and they already narrowed the field down to one. Here I had prepared a bunch of jokes and commentary for a contested convention in Cleveland. But this one might wind up as dull as the last one there, in 1924, when the Republicans stuck with Calvin Coolidge.

Surprisingly, there’s still hope for a raucous Democratic convention in Philadelphia. Hillary Clinton still has pesky Bernie Sanders nipping at her ankles. She says she has all the delegates lined up, but Senator Sanders keeps winning states. Last one was Indiana, and West Virginia is next.

Clinton and Sanders both went to West Virginia to promise the coal miners cash for giving up their jobs. She promised $30 Billion but Bernie topped her with a bid of $41 Billion. See, a Socialist can outbid a Democrat because he is using other people’s money. Trump also went to West Virginia. He told the miners they can keep their jobs and earn as much as they can. Since they’re used to hard work, they seemed to like that idea better.

The only reason that Clinton and Sanders are offering anything to coal miners is because they are determined to finish destroying the coal business. They promised billions of dollars in West Virginia. But they didn’t say how much they will give to out-of-work miners in Kentucky or Pennsylvania or Ohio or Wyoming. Actually, the abundant supply of fracked natural gas is causing pain for the coal business. No reason for politicians and EPA to pile on and make it worse.

I guess they mean well and honestly believe that solar collectors and windmills can quickly replace all fossil fuels. But less than six percent of our electricity comes from solar and wind, and taxpayers had to pick up the tab for 25 to 50 percent of the cost to even get to six percent. Getting up to 70 or 80 percent of our electricity from the sun and wind can you imagine the billions (or trillions) of dollars it would require in subsidies. Wouldn’t be even a dollar left for coal miners.

In spite of Bernie’s persistence, the election will likely come down to Trump vs. Clinton. No matter what you think of either candidate, this will be a unique campaign. A television commentator said this morning, “There is no line between politics and entertainment.” That reminded me of my friend, professional speaker Scott McKain of Crothersville, Indiana, who says, “All business is show business.” You may not think this political campaign is business, but any time you spend a couple of billion dollars in “advertising”, believe me, it’s business.

Trump plans to meet on Thursday with Speaker Paul Ryan and other Washington Republicans to discuss strategy for the general election. Clinton will also have an important strategy meeting this month, with the FBI. Her strategy is to avoid indictment. Republicans hope she will be measured for a new pant suit (an orange one). Democrats are confident she did nothing illegal. Stupid, yes; perhaps even incompetent. But not illegal.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:

          “Politics is the best show in America. I love animals and I love politicians, and I like to watch both of ‘em at play, either back home in their native state, or after they’ve been captured and sent to a zoo, or to Washington.” (Undated notes)

“Children, what was the first thing you learned about politics at school? It was that Politics was business, wasn’t it? That it was advertised under the heading of idealism, but it was carried on under the heading of business.” WA #356, Oct. 20, 1929

Will Rogers Salute to Mothers

Here are excerpts from two radio broadcasts on Mother’s Day, in 1930 and 1935.

“My own mother died when I was ten years old.  My folks have told me that what little humor I have comes from her.  I can’t remember her humor but I can remember her love and her understanding of me.

Of course, the mother I know the most about is the mother of our little group.  She has been for twenty-two years trying to raise to maturity four children, three by birth and one by marriage. You know, there ought to be some kind of a star given to any woman that can live with a comedian.  Now, that little compliment ought to repay for the flowers that I forgot to get today.”

“This is Mother’s Day. Of course it’s pretty late in the evening now to remind you of it.  If you didn’t know it before, there’s not much you can do about it now, unless you, well, you might possibly shame you into going to a florist.

They’re keeping open this evening just to accommodate late consciences.

Mothers, it’s a beautiful thought.  I was just in here listening to a friend of mine, Rabbi Magnin, a very popular Jewish rabbi.  He was delivering a beautiful thing over the radio about Mother’s Day, and I felt ashamed to come in with my little words.  I mean well, but I ain’t got the words.

But Mother’s Day, it’s a beautiful thought.

And someone said, ‘Let’s give Momma a day. We’ll give her a day.’  Give her a day, and then in return why Mother gives you the other 364.  See?

I think that was awful generous of whoever thought of the idea of giving her one out of the 365.  You know, we have Apple Week, and Don’t Beat Your Wife Week, and National Safety Week, and everything.  They could have given Mother a week, but that would have been giving Mother a little the best of it, so they says, ‘We’ll give Mother a day.’ Of course, I doubt even then if the thing would have gone through if it hadn’t been for the florists. They grabbed it and started putting the idea over..

Of course, florists, they got mothers, too. But they’ve got more flowers than they’ve got mothers, and they’ve got a great organization.

The florists, they’ve just practically corralled this Mother’s Day business. They have led us to believe that no matter how we have treated our mothers during the past year that a little bouquet of hyacinths or daisies will square it, not only with mother but with our conscience, too, when as a matter of fact you don’t have to be squared with your mother. She knows you better than you know yourself.

A mother is the only thing that is so constituted that they possess eternal love under any and all circumstances. No matter how you treat them, you still have their love. I was telling that to my wife today, and I was telling her a little thought that I wanted to use in there, and I said, ‘You know, Betty, a mother and a dog is the only two things that has eternal love, no matter how you treat ’em.’ And my wife made me cut the dog out. Said it didn’t sound very good and it might sound disrespectful to a mother, but I certainly didn’t mean it that way. But it’s the only thing that really is. You know what I mean. So the poor old dog he’ll have to go. I can’t use it on account of my wife made me leave the dog out, but he still loves you just the same, just as much as a mother did.

But this being Mothers Day… maybe some day, we’ll have Dog Day, too, and I can use that on the dog.  I really hate to leave the dog out, but my wife runs this outfit.  Well, anyhow, they both, no matter what you do to them, they all love you.

Mothers are naturally glad to have this day dedicated to ‘em, and they’re glad that we pay them this homage and remembrance, but it hasn’t increased their love one bit. It’s made no changes in her. She can see through this Mother’s Day thing. She knows that we were almost forced by law to do something about her. And there’s no conceit in a mother. She’s not taking it conceitedly at all, and there’s much wisdom in her.

But to get back to this flower business, there’s nothing in the world more beautiful than flowers. The florists and the horticulturists, they’ve done great things to nurse these flowers along until they’re beautiful beyond anything we could possibly think of.

And every home that can possibly afford ’em should have flowers all you can. But on the other hand, there’s an awful lot of need and want in the country, and I got a plan. My plan is not to eliminate flowers. I’m strong for flowers, but they’ve just got one drawback. You can’t eat ’em. And I imagine an awful lot of mothers today would not have rebelled if you’d sent ’em a ham. Yeah, a cut of beef or a whole lamb or something.

Suppose the meat growers had been on the job and linked Mother’s Day up with their organization like the florists have. If they’d done that, instead of receiving a bunch of hollyhocks, she’d receive a cluster of pork chops.

So my plan is to give mothers more than one day. Pardon my generosity toward mothers, but I would just give mothers at least twelve days a year. I’d say, for instance, the first day of every month is going to be Mother’s Day.

January 1st, we’d start off and that would be Mother’s Forgotten Christmas Present Day. All sons and daughters who had forgot to send anything for Christmas, they’d have a week more to remember it in. Then February 1st would be Gloves and Mittens and Overshoes Day.  She’d have worn out the old ones chopping wood to cook for you. Then one day would be Mother’s Dress Day. And one day would be Mother’s Transportation Day. That is, those that could afford it could give their mother a car or something. The modern mother, she don’t want lilacs or a corsage of pansies or something, but give her a Model T Ford, or you could give her a Chevy  or a Chrysler. And those who couldn’t afford it could give her a bicycle. A modern mother could ride it. Shorts and a bicycle would be a great thing for her. She’d take that in preference to a little spray of Johnny jump-ups or carnations.

Then one of the twelve mother’s days would be Pay Mother’s Rent Day.

It looks like a big idea. I don’t know of any project that has any bigger field to draw from, ’cause practically everyone has a mother. So watch the Will Rogers Twelve Mother’s Day a Year Plan.

Father had a day, but you can’t find anybody who remembers when it was…  It’s been so confused with April the first.”