Month: August 2016

This Presidential campaign is degenerating into mudslinging and name calling. Some of the names they are calling each other, you need a dictionary to understand ‘em.  Often campaigns start on a “high plain”, but this one began “low” and has dropped so deep you have to dig a mine shaft to catch a glimpse.

I promised last week to challenge Donald Trump to a debate. He hasn’t found anyone else to practice on, so I’ll assume he is considering my offer. Whether my experiences and positions on issues will help him prepare for Clinton, I got my doubts. They both have Ivy League diplomas, so my tenth grade education will have to be supplemented with common sense.

My experience with air travel started on U.S. Airmail planes whereas Trump has his own 767, and Clinton spent all four years as Secretary of State on an airplane, only getting off to write emails and visit with Clinton Foundation donors.

I went bankrupt only once, and I worked my way out of it by giving entertaining lectures in 90 towns in 90 days, traveling mainly by train and Model T Ford. If that don’t seem like work to you, go ask any professional speaker. Trump went bankrupt four times (that he admits to), and seemed to get out of it by borrowing more money. The Clintons were dead broke 15 years ago and gave enough speeches to have $200 million in the bank. If I got paid as much as they did for every speech I’d probably have $300 million.

So Donald, I’ll look for your response. You can contact me through my website: WillRogersForPresident.com.

Historic quote by Will Rogers: (This is Will Rogers’ debate challenge in 1928. As you read this, replace Hoover with Trump, and Al Smith with Hillary Clinton.)

“Mr. Herbert Hoover it just looks like the only way we can get the “Issues” of the day straightened out is on the Platform in a Joint debate.

You know the American custom is when you can’t beat a man at anything why the last straw is to Debate him.

There is just millions of Guys I wouldn’t waste a Debate on. But in the natural course of events it looks like I am going to have to take you and Al Smith on before the votes are in the can this fall. So I thought I would start in with you and see how I made out, and if I had any luck against you why then I would take on Al.

So I will meet you anywhere in joint debate — in any Joint you name.

Now the rules of the Debate are as follows: the first half of the debate is to settle on what the Issues are, and the last half of the Debate is just to Debate on ’em. In case there is no Issues, like it would be if you was debating with some Democrat, why then of course there would be no use holding the last half.

Now, you got by without a lot of Bunk. And the debate might be that you ought to be in my Party, “The Anti-Bunks.” But you let yourself be hitched to a Platform that is nothing but Bunk. As a man is known by the company he keeps, I will show you that, now that you have entered Politics, you will be mixed up with more Bunk than you ever thought existed.

You say that “Prohibition [of alcohol] is a Noble Experiment.” I would say that it was an “Amusing” or “Exciting” experiment, but it has hardly reached the “Noble” stage.  Then there is Farm Relief, Tariff [free trade issues], and all of the usual Bunks, and I will debate you on those too. For the debate we will charge admission and the money goes to a good Charity.

They tell me that Lincoln and Douglas had a debate one time, and they say Douglas won it, so even if I lose and just become as well-known as Lincoln why it won’t be so bad.

Now Herbert, you’ve got to debate with somebody before this Dog fight ends in November and it might as well be me.

While the “Will Rogers for President” campaign continues to roll smoothly, both of my esteemed opponents are hitting potholes and speed bumps.

Donald Trump has shaken up the Campaign Manager positions. Paul Manafort was let go. Will Rogers has no such problem: “I have no Campaign Manager to take care of.”  Trump has speechwriters preparing his remarks. He’s still learning how to read off a teleprompter, but he’s getting better.

Hillary Clinton is facing another round of questions about her private email server, and this time she is under oath to tell the truth. I had assumed she was under oath when questioned by the FBI and by Congress, but I guess not. The questions will be in writing and she will have a month to come up with the answers. She’ll have more lawyers than Trump has speechwriters working on the precise wording to each question. Their goal will be, as I wrote in 1935: “The minute you read something and you can’t understand it you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. Then if you give it to another lawyer to read and he don’t know just what it means, why then you can be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer. Every time a lawyer writes something he is writing so that endless others of his craft can make a living out of trying to figure out what he said. Of course perhaps he hadn’t really said anything; that’s what makes it hard to explain.”

The Clintons are also getting hammered over the tens of millions of dollars given to their Foundation, especially by foreign governments and shady characters while she was Secretary of State. Here’s my suggestion. Follow the example of their friend Warren Buffett, and give all the money in the Clinton Foundation, every penny, to the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation.  Do it now, not after the election.  If she gets elected, after four or eight years in the White House they can start over like they did in 2001 when she said they were dead broke.

I’m ready to challenge the Republican candidate to a debate. “I will meet you in joint debate– in any Joint you name.” I hear that Trump can’t find anyone to practice against before taking on Clinton Sept. 26, so he just might accept. I can even buy a blonde wig. Of course I already wear pants.

The Olympics ended in Brazil with Americans claiming over a hundred medals, including 46 Gold. Good sportsmanship from all the world’s athletes, except for one swimmer who I won’t name.

Louisiana is suffering from a thousand-year flood. And it has nothing to do with the Mississippi River or a hurricane. Twenty inches of rain, and maybe more coming; 40,000 homes flooded. Here’s a taste of what Will wrote when the Mississippi flooded in 1927:  “BATON ROUGE, La., June 2 (1927): I have flew over more water today than Lindbergh did, only this had housetops sticking out of it.”   (in other articles)  “A Navy flier took me for hundreds of miles over nothing but a sea of water and housetops.  If you have never seen a flood you don’t know what horror is… I don’t really believe that 80 or 90 per cent of the people realize just what flood disaster means.”

Historic quote by Will Rogers: (campaign for President, 1928)

“Our support will have to come from those who want nothing, and have the assurance of getting it…We won’t pay a cent for votes.  We want voters but they must be amateurs.”

Last week I offered free advice to Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton, and naturally they ignored it. Trump won’t even take advice from his trusted advisors, let alone a competitor.

Instead for zeroing in on the sluggish economy Trump took off on the founders of ISIS, the New York Times, and Monica’s blue dress.

Clinton came closer to the goal of staying quiet, except for a speech on her Economics Plan. She spent five minutes on how she would spend even more than President Obama (of course, by getting the extra money from those who have got it) and the rest of the speech trashing Trump’s economic plan.

Both candidates say they are against the free trade agreements of the last 25 years. Our trade deficit has gotten worse in almost every business category, except for agriculture. Our farmers sell more food, cotton and other products abroad than we import, so they like our trade plans. The wider Panama Canal will help gain even more markets in Asia for our corn, soybeans and wheat by reducing shipping costs.

American consumers have also benefited from free trade, except the ones who lost their jobs in manufacturing. I think what Americans really want is fair trade. A level playing field.

This week we learned that even a Socialist in America can be prosperous. Our best known Socialist, Bernie Sanders, decided two houses were not enough for him and his wife so he bought another one, a vacation cottage on the shores of Lake Champlain. The price was $600,000 but we don’t know if he paid for it yet. In case he needed to borrow the dough, he could get a loan from a billionaire Socialist: Vladimir Putin, the Castro brothers, or the Hugo Chavez heirs.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers: (1928 campaign for President)

“You may say the Issue is “Prosperity,” You will try and show that we are prosperous, because we HAVE MORE. I will show where we are NOT prosperous because we haven’t PAID for it YET.”

“I am heartily in accord with the Anti-Bunk Party, but by its very name it means that we will have no political support.  Now I admit I can make a living outside politics. When you admit that you can live without depending on politics, you lose right there the support of all politicians, for if there is one thing that a politician hates worse than a recount, it’s somebody that is not in their business.”

Before I officially launch my own campaign, as the nominee of the Anti-Bunk Party, I feel it is only fair to offer assistance to my main opponents for President, Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton. After all, “after every political convention, the number of people who are dissatisfied with the nomination far exceeds those who feel that an ideal choice has been made.”

My advice to Trump is to stop watching television. Don’t read anything critics say about you or your family. Stay off Twitter; let a trusted adviser send out a bland tweet now and then. Nothing meaningful can be said in 140 characters anyway.  Ask Paul Manafort to get you some horse blinders, you know, those things they put on a race horse so he can’t see what’s off to the side or behind him, only what’s straight ahead. For you, that means seeing only Clinton and President Obama, no one else. If they say you are unfit or unqualified, ignore ‘em instead of proving them right. Talk about their weak economy, their mistakes, their poor judgement. Ignore Elizabeth Warren, obscure detractors, and crying babies.

Hillary Clinton, you should go away for 3 months. Say nothing. No press conferences.  Only speak at fund raisers; nobody is better at speaking for dollars, except maybe Bill. You’re far ahead, and will only lose ground by talking in public. In public, just nod, wave and smile. You have a delightful smile. But don’t laugh. Never laugh.  You will be forced to appear in three debates, but no matter what is asked, or what Trump says, just smile. Kinda like Mohammad Ali’s rope-a-dope style. If you happen to get an easy question that can be answered without lying, give a short answer and shut up. Never say “short-circuit” again. To an electrician it means electricity going in the wrong direction, often resulting in a blown fuse. Coming from you, it sounds like another word for lying.

As for me, WillRogersforPresident.com will be up and running in a few days. I am tempted to say my campaign will begin officially on August 15 because that would be unique in American history. No candidate has every announced for President on the day he died.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“In the old days, the Republican Party and the Democratic Party each had a definite reason for its existence. Between the two of them were lively little bones of contention known as ‘issues.’ Slavery was an issue; so was the Tariff; and so was American Neutrality in the World War.

Are there any issues today? Well-there is one: Prosperity. And the parentage of that uncertain issue is claimed by both parties with equal vociferousness. Nor is there any current Solomon wise enough to decide which claim is more legitimate. Both candidates will solemnly urge the voters to go to the polls and decide by their ballots whether or not we Americans are in favor of Prosperity. The American people, of course, will vote ‘Yes,’ especially the farmers and the workers in the coal industry, owners and laborers alike, who are interested to know when Prosperity is due to start.

          The Anti-Bunk Party is a home for dissatisfied voters, of which there is always a healthy majority.” 1928