Author: Randall Reeder

Snow, basketball and birthdays cost a bundle

COLUMBUS: An awful lot of Snow has rolled off your Shovels since I communed with you last week.  I see where the Weather Bureau predicts more Snow. Good joke on the Weather Bureau. They can’t have any more. They haven’t got any place to put it.
Folks, that’s exactly how I started a column 87 years ago, Feb. 25, 1923. In Washington, DC, and plenty of other places, they will tell you it’s been about that long since they’ve seen so much snow. We have snow in 49 states; the only two places without snow are Hawaii and Vancouver.
Our federal government was shut down for most of the week. Only essential employees reported to work Now, I know what you’re thinking; if the President wants to cut the budget, there’s a hint on where to start. But instead of cutting, the President raised the debt ceiling to $14 Trillion.  I think it was $10 Trillion a couple of years ago. Is that the way to solve our financial problem, make it so we can borrow more?
You would think the government shutdown in Washington would save us a pile of money. Instead it cost us taxpayers $100,000,000 a day. Makes you wonder what it costs when they are all show up.
In Vancouver the lack of snow is costing the city millions. While other cities are paying to truck snow out of town, Vancouver is paying to truck it in.
Speaking of losing money, the National Basketball Association says they will be $400,000,000 in the hole this year. Tonight they put on a game in Dallas and 108,000 showed up and paid to watch it. How could they lose money? Is the NBA run by the Post Office?
Remember when we used to have Lincoln’s Birthday on Feb. 12, and Washington’s on Feb. 22? The government split the difference and this year Feb. 15 is the only day we get to blow out the candles. At least it saves the government the cost of baking another cake.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:
“Washington, D.C.  papers say: ‘Congress is deadlocked and can’t act.’ I think that is the greatest blessing that could befall this country.” WA #59, Jan.27, 1924
“There wasn’t any Republicans in Washington’s day. No Republicans, no boll weevil, no income tax, no cover charge, no disarmament conferences, no luncheon clubs, no stop lights, no (radio), no head winds, no margins, no ticket speculators, no golf pants. My Lord, living in those times, who wouldn’t be great?” DT #803, Feb. 21, 1929
 “Lincoln is the one that said, ‘You can fool all the Democrats part of the time, and part of the Democrats all of the time. But a Republican is the only one you can fool all of the time.’ That’s why he was a Republican.” WA #320, Feb. 10, 1929

Saints victory stimulates New Orleans

COLUMBUS: Does anyone understand what’s happening to the economy? We lost another 20,000 jobs, but unemployment dipped below 10 percent. The stock market dropped, but Wall Street bonuses jumped several million. President Obama announced a partial freeze on spending, but he proposed a budget 9 percent higher.

The budget is so out of whack that if all our taxes were used to pay for Defense, Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, everything else the government spends next year would be borrowed. We even have to borrow money to pay the interest on what we borrowed last year.

There’s plenty of people saying we need to cut spending and balance the budget. That sounds like a good idea on paper, but anyone who proposes even a ten percent cut in any of the four items above will be howled out of the room.

The US economy may be hurting, but in New Orleans everything is booming. The Saints won the Super Bowl and that provided the stimulus. No help needed from Senator Landrieu. The win in their first Super Bowl gives hope to other teams. Here in Ohio, the Cleveland Browns are way overdue. Cleveland needs a quarterback who can do for the Browns what Drew Brees did for the Saints. Is Brett Favre available?

The Humane Society of the United States is back at it again. You may think I’m mean for saying anything against an organization with such a high sounding name. But these folks need to be stopped. HSUS co-opted the name in order to get donations from people who would otherwise give to their local humane society. Suppose I started an organization called Girl Scouts of the US.  I would solicit money by saying, “Since most of America is overweight, we’ll dispense with cookies and just accept your money on behalf of the girls.” Then, as I took in about a hundred million a year, I would give a couple of million to the real Girl Scouts and pocket the rest. Well, that’s what HSUS does regarding local shelters for cats and dogs.

HSUS wants us to stop eating steak, bacon, eggs, fish and any other meat or animal product. They even want our dogs to become vegetarians. So if you are hounded by a representative of HSUS for a donation or to sign a petition that seeks to take away some of your favorite foods, threaten to have them arrested for impersonating a humane organization. It may not do much to help the economy, but your dog will love you for it.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“No matter what party is in, if you have your election during the hard times they will throw ‘em out on their ears. The Republicans have just got from now till next Summer to make things look better or out in the alley they go.” DT #1643, Oct. 28, 1931

Trains, terrorist trials and Toyota

COLUMBUS: The economy is so bad it is even affecting the Gitmo terrorists. They had their bags packed  for a Billion dollar stay in New York City and the trip may be canceled because of the cost. Attorney General Holder is the only one who doesn’t care where the money is coming from.

President Obama should call him and say, “Eric, the only way those trials will be in New York is if you pay for them yourself.”

Toyota is running into trouble because of a stuck gas pedal. Our young drivers today can dial a cell phone and type a text message at 60 miles per hour, but they never bothered to learn how to deal with a stuck accelerator. It just seems natural to me that if the gas pedal sticks when you’re going faster than you want to, hit the clutch. If you don’t have a clutch, shift to neutral.

Now I would never pretend to tell you how to fix an automobile. But for all those Toyota owners who are afraid to even back out of the garage, perhaps a squirt of oil or WD40 can give some peace of mind.

The federal government just announced they expect to take in $2.2 Trillion in taxes next year. That seems like a lot of money, and you would think that just about any government, even the one headquartered in Washington, could survive a year on $2.2 Trillion.

Well, here’s a shocker: out of that $2.2 Trillion, they plan to spend $3.8 Trillion. In other words, we can live on our own for 7 months, then the next 5 we’ll live off the in-laws.

Despite the deficit, President Obama announced he wants to spend $8 Billion on new passenger trains. “The airlines and car companies are making too much money so I want to give them some competition. I want to discourage air travel and cut car sales. Amtrak has a proven financial record, so we want to give them more routes and more trains. We’re gonna borrow the $8 Billion from China, and then require States to match it.”

The Governors said, “We’re broke. We can’t afford what we already have. How about if you send us the $8 Billion, and forget the trains.”

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“There couldn’t possibly be one that knew less about Machinery (than me)…  If I raised up the hood and a Rabbit jumped out, I wouldent know but what he belonged in there.  I drive ’em, but I sho don’t try to fix ’em.” WA #317, Jan. 20, 1929

“If your time is worth anything, travel by air.” DT #389, Oct. 20, 1927

Old trucks serve politicians, farmers and football players

COLUMBUS: The election in Massachusetts was won by Scott Brown. The pundits are still debating whether he got elected because of his views on health care reform, or because he drives a truck.
Political candidates are not taking any chances. All across the country they are out searching for just the right pickup truck to drive during the campaign. Of course, it has to be an American truck, and the older the better. Prices have doubled in a week.. Farmers have seen a steep drop in the value of corn in the bin, but the old pickup in the shed can make up for it. Even if it’s a newer model, most farm trucks are so beat up they look to be at least thirty years old.
Personally, if in a moment of insanity I ever feel the urge to run for office, I’ll go to Tulsa and borrow my friend Gene’s 1921 Model T Ford Huckster pickup. Why, just the thought of running against such a formidable foe would so dishearten any other possible candidates that I would be a shoo in.
Speaking of farmers, I spent the past two weeks at agriculture conventions and meetings in Florida, Iowa and Ohio, and this week I’ll be in Minnesota and back to Ohio. If you’re not in agriculture I tell you that you can feel proud of these farm families who are learning the latest techniques and practices to grow  food more efficiently. They are striving to make our streams cleaner, improve our soils, and save fuel and labor.
When President Obama gives his first State of the Union speech, if he’s looking for a bright spot or two in the economy he would be wise to point out what our farmers are doing. For example, they set new records for growing corn and soybeans. Dairy farmers are producing more milk with fewer cows. Here anyone is free to buy the kind of food they want, whether it’s organic, vegetarian, local, or hauled across the country. And from our abundance, we’ll donate generously to hungry people in Haiti and other countries.
We are down to two football teams left. The New Orleans Saints and Drew Brees slipped by Minnesota and Brett Favre in overtime 31-28. And the Indianapolis Colts and Peyton Manning came back to beat the Jets 30-17. The Saints and Colts seem to be evenly matched, and if I were betting I would put my money on the team with the most players that drive a truck.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:
“Us Democrats just seem to have an uncanny premonition of sizing up a question and guessing wrong on it. It almost makes you think sometimes it is done purposely.” Saturday Evening Post, Jan. 19, 1929
“Republicans like to drive a little cheap make of car around… They just love to play poor.” Saturday Evening Post, March 30, 1929
“Last year we said: ‘Things can’t go on like this!’ And they didn’t – they got worse.” (Notes, undated)
“Our President delivered his first (State of the Union) message to Congress.  You know that’s one of the things that his contract calls for, to deliver a message to Congress to tell them the Condition of the Country. This message, as I say, is to Congress; the rest of the country know the condition of the country, for they live in it.  But the Senators and Congressmen have no idea what is going on in America.  So the President has to tell ’em.” WA #371, Feb. 2, 1930

Earthquakes seldom change

COLUMBUS: Massachusetts is voting this week on whether they want their health care reformed. I think this voting is a good idea and should have probably been used in other states. Nebraska and Louisiana got it whether they wanted it or not.

One of the health care debates is over putting a big tax on the so-called Cadillac insurance plans. The vast majority figured that’s fair because they’ll never get close to owning a Cadillac. The only time they even expect the pleasure of riding in one is on a final trip to the cemetery. Well, you can imagine the shock when so many of these folks driving Fords and Chevys learned they have health insurance fit for a Cadillac owner. They aren’t so high on the tax now.

It’s terrible what’s happened to the people in Haiti. It won’t be easy rebuilding a country that was never built in the first place. Any new building that’s done had better be done well. Geologists had been predicting this earthquake for years, and they say it still only affected about ten percent of the likely area. There are more shocks to come.

Earthquakes don’t change and neither does the generosity of American people.  Cuba and Venezuela like to criticize, but how many shiploads of food and supplies do you see them delivering?

We could help Haitians improve their farming. Why are people going hungry in a country where they can grow food year round? Give them seeds to grow vegetables and fruit rather than cotton and coffee. Show them how to set up farmers’ markets in town, and how to sell to the cruise ships and tourists.

Before you can do all these good things, they need water and food to survive. We love to complain about our government, but Haiti has no government. No police, no army, no law and order. Well, they got some semblance of a government, but it’s useless. Looters and hoodlums are keeping supplies from starving children. But our many charities and churches have been there for years and they will persevere and do the best they can.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“They tell you pictures don’t lie, but the ones you saw of this earthquake did, for they didn’t tell that eight days after it happened there is from one to three hundred bodies still under those ruins. Sitting here in a Marine tent writing this and am going to sleep here.
Naturally what they need is money. The government or the people haven’t got a cent. The Red Cross combined with the relief organizations here has done great work as usual. If through the Red Cross and public donations… it would relieve the situation as to food and get some roofs to cover these people.
Goodness knows, you generous folks have been asked till you are ragged, but honest, if you saw it, you would dig again. I have finally found somebody poorer than a southern cotton renter farmer.
It just falls where everything else does, on the generosity and goodness of the American people. If you saw, as I did this morning, 2500 mothers with babies in their arms go by and get their ration of milk you would say there was some poor devil that needed it worse than you do.” DT #1469, April 8, 1931 (in Managua, Nicaragua)

Bankers get millions, California gets husks

COLUMBUS: President Obama and Congress have been out trying to restore confidence. But with the high unemployment, gas prices, and looming inflation, the only place where confidence has been restored is among the big bankers on Wall Street. As a reward for the tremendous work those birds did on our economy the last two or three years, they are receiving million dollar bonuses. If we had let AIG and Goldman Sachs go under like we did Lehman Brothers and Bear Stearns, they would be on a New York street corner selling apples.

In California, Governor Schwarzenegger had the best line of the week on the health care bill. Concerning the extra billion or so that Senator Nelson got for Nebraska’s Medicaid patients, Arnold said, “Nebraska gets the corn, we get the husks.” California has a deficit of $25 Billion and it will take more than husks to fill their coffers. Don’t be surprised if the Governor devises a scheme to send all of California’s folks on Medicaid to Nebraska. He may send a couple million excess immigrants also. That would go a long way toward restoring confidence in California.

While the President and Democrats in the House and Senate fight over the final health care bill, the argument in the rest of the country is whether the negotiations should be televised on C-span. I’m not sure America could stand to watch. The return of the early rounds of American Idol is as much pain as we can endure.

What most people want the government to work on is defeating radical Islamists. Bin Laden and his fellow terrorists have been outsmarting us for years. You know, they may have changed their strategy with suicide bombers. Every year or two they come up with a different way to threaten an airplane and they tell the bomber, “We don’t care if it works or not. If it don’t, they’ll spend millions on a trial, and billions devising technology to prevent the previous method. Instead of bringing down a plane, we’ll bring down their economy.”

So, Mr. President, knock out these terrorists and that will do more to restore confidence than a million speeches.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“I like to make little jokes and kid about the Senators. They are a kind of a never ending source of amusement, amazement, and discouragement.” WA #345, Aug. 4, 1929

“You know I am an Indian.  My folks are Cherokees and I am very proud of the fact and us Injuns are mighty proud of Charlie Curtis.  He is a leader of the Senate and was the most able man in there.  Of course that don’t give you much of an idea of his ability, but he is at least the best they had in there.  A Senate leader is a very important position.  Then they elected him Vice-President (in 1928), and he lost his standing then and he is down at the bottom now and has to work up again.” Radio, April 27, 1930

Weekly Comments: Our New Year Prophets are not Optimists
    COLUMBUS: This is the time for reflections and predictions, and even the optimists are having a tough time finding something to cheer about. Unemployment is over 10 percent and it may drop to 8 or 9 by Christmas. The stock market rose to 10,500, but it is still a third below 2007. Even if it don’t go up, you can bet on Wall Streeters collecting million dollar salaries.

Predictions say the deficit will get worse. But nobody knows how much worse because it depends on how much China will lend us. The Chinese are getting concerned about the worth of our collateral. Half of our states are broke and looking to Washington for help. President Obama should say to the Governors, “Make your case directly to China; I don’t need to be a middleman.”

Even global warming. Ever since that conference in Copenhagen, the weather has gotten colder. Yes, it’s supposed to be cold in January and we’re accustomed to it. But these global warming proponents got us excited about the prospects of vacationing at home instead of Florida. We should have suspected it was a trick when the President booked his vacation in Hawaii.

One good thing that 2010 has brought us: the end of the inheritance tax. You would be surprised at the number of rich old men who have been hanging on for the last month or two just to avoid paying this tax. In your hometown newspaper, right beside the story about the first baby of the new year, you’ll read about a local millionaire passing away after a prolonged illness. The story will say, “Mr. Jones left a thriving business valued at $50 million to his offspring. He couldn’t take it with him, but he made sure it wouldn’t get auctioned off to Washington either.”

Since the death tax returns next January at around fifty percent, 2010 is liable to go down in history as a record year for the high number of our wealthy men and women passing on.

Speaking of old men, did you see Bobby Bowden coach his last  football game for Florida State? It was the Gator Bowl against West Virginia, and I think they should have arranged it so he went against Penn State instead. Bowden vs. Joe Paterno. Two 80-year old coaches going at each other. And to raise interest they could have agreed that the loser retires, and the winner has to keep coaching. Dadgumit, that would have been a Classic.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“Won’t 1933 see a change for the better? I don’t think so. We haven’t suffered enough; the Lord is repaying us for our foolishness during prosperous days. He is not quite ready to let us out of the dog house yet.” DT #2002, Jan. 3, 1933

“If Wall Street paid a tax on every “game” they run, we would get enough revenue to run the government on.” DT #1453, March 20, 1931

“Now they got such a high inheritance tax on ’em that you won’t catch these old rich boys dying promiscuously like they did. This bill makes patriots out of everybody. You sure do die for your country if you die from now on.” DT #1767, March 23, 1932

2009 ends with terrorism and health care bill

COLUMBUS: The Senate passed their version of the health care bill on Christmas Eve. Then President Obama went home for the holidays. We can’t honestly complain about that, even if it is in Hawaii. He probably figured he would lay on the beach for a week and read all 2000 pages of the bill.

Well, his peaceful vacation was abruptly interrupted on Christmas Day  by a terrorist who tried to kill nearly 300 by blowing up an airplane over Detroit. With all we have learned about this radical Muslim since then, the President is sure to be fuming mad at his Homeland Security folks. He was known to be a potential terrorist, England had withdrawn his Visa months ago, he paid cash for a one-way ticket from Nigeria, had no luggage, and his Dad had warned our Embassy about his son’s terrorist views. Only excuse I can figure is the dad’s warning came by email from his Nigerian bank, and nobody dared to open it.

When he was dragged off the plane, instead of being turned over to the CIA for interrogation, they took him to a hospital for treatment and gave him a defense lawyer.

Since this is the last of 52 Weekly Comments for 2009, I’ll end with some wisdom from Will Rogers on the economy, a health care plan, and horse trading for votes in Congress.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“In case anyone happens to ask you, this is a pretty tough Depression… (The problem is) everybody wants to solve it and nobody wants to work at anything else. I believe if it was announced that it couldn’t be solved, they would go back to working on their own problems, and maybe first thing we knew we would be doing pretty good.
In fact I think just the announcement of the fact that it couldn’t be solved would be a blessing. Everybody feels better when you really know even the worst. It’s this uncertainty of not knowing that’s a worrying us more than the actual discomforts of it.
I will bet you one thing, I bet you in the next Presidential race, you won’t get candidates coming out saying they can fix it. They have learned their lesson. The most that will be said in the next campaign platform of either party will be: ‘Now boys, we are going to try and check it, but we are not saying we will, but we will promise you this, we are not going to let it spread any more than we can possibly help.'” WA #569, Nov. 19, 1933

 “To me the greatest thing they (Dr. Charles Mayo, Mayo Clinic) have done is the system of charging everyone in proportion to what they can pay. All Doctors should make enough out of those who are well able to pay, to be able to do all work for the poor free.  That is one thing that a poor person should never be even expected to pay for is medical attention…  Your Doctor bill should be paid like your Income tax, according to what you have.  There is nothing that keeps poor people poor as much as paying Doctor bills.  It always wipes out their savings, and it’s that fear of not being able to pay that makes it ten times worse on them.” WA #394, July 13, 1930

 “All there is to politics is trading. That’s why politics is not as good as it was years ago. They don’t have as many old-time horse traders in there. These we got are just amateurs. They’re crude with their trades. There is really no “finesse.” Finesse is a French word and it means sneaking it over.”  Saturday Evening Post, June 2, 1928

A Letter to the President

My Dear Mr. President:
I hope you don‛t mind that I am writing this letter directly to you. The last time I did such a thing, it was to President Coolidge in 1926. Now when you read of my concerns, you may say, “Why didn‛t you write your Senator?”
Well, sir, I would have, but have you noticed lately how much it costs to get a Senator‛s vote? Of course there‛s nothing new about a Senator swapping votes. In 1930 I wrote, “A Senator learns to swap his vote at the same age a calf learns which end of his mother is the dining room.” So I was not surprised to learn this week that Nebraska‛s Senator Nelson had swapped his vote on the health care bill for a record amount that could add up to Billions of dollars. Sen. Landrieu of Louisiana is crying that she was shortchanged because she only got $300 Million for her vote. The only way Nebraska could have gotten more was if Warren Buffett had donated his wealth to the state instead of giving it to Bill Gates.
So back to my reason for writing. This country is going deeper and deeper into debt, and you aren‛t helping. You have stated that if we don‛t pass health care reform, we‛ll go bankrupt. Then you favor a health bill that will add to the debt, instead of lowering it. You go to a global warming conference in Denmark (where it was snowing) and promise to give a Trillion dollars that we don‛t have to other countries (including China which has more of our money than we do).
I don‛t believe in annoying a President without offering a solution. Spend the next few weeks, while Congress is gone, digging up ways to cut spending. Then every day you announce a few of these spending cuts by stating, “My fellow Americans, I know you are reducing your spending to live within your means, and so am I.” And then you announce the particular cuts for that day. Here‛s a few to ponder. Move the terrorist trials back to Gitmo. If an economist searched for the most expensive place on earth to hold a trial, he couldn‛t find one costlier than New York. Next, cancel the new prison for them in Illinois. Just say “We can‛t afford to spend $100 million to replace one we already paid for at Guantanamo Bay. We guard the prisoners there with a couple of hundred military; no need to hire 3000 in Illinois to do the same job.”
Instead of giving $100 Billion a year to these other nations, think outside the box. They blame us for burning oil and coal and raising temperatures. If they want us to replace these cheap fuels with expensive solar and wind, let them pay us to do it. These poor flat island nations are concerned about the water rising; let ‛em sell their beachfront property and move to Tibet or Switzerland. We‛ve got millionaires eager to buy an island.
Then look around the White House and at the various departments spread all over Washington. There must be a few folks you could get along without. Check some old records of how many worked for previous presidents, like Jimmy Carter or Lyndon Johnson. I don‛t expect you to go back to Mr. Coolidge because he and Mrs. Coolidge practically ran the White House by themselves.
I wish you and your family a Merry Christmas. Don‛t be overly extravagant on the gifts. Ask Mrs. Obama what she wants, but if it involves travel remind her that you two just returned from Norway and Denmark. That‛s farther than most Americans can afford to go for the holidays.

Your accomplice in debt reduction,

Congress spends mythical dollars; President creates mythical jobs

COLUMBUS: Congress passed another spending bill for $1.1 Trillion, bringing the total budget for next year to $3.6 Trillion. While most folks are cutting back, making do with less, Congress decided the government needed a big raise. Since taxes will only bring in about $2 Trillion, President Obama will ask China to kick in the rest.

Back in 1930, I said on the radio that Henry Ford would make a great President. He would arrange Congress like an automobile assembly line. A bill would start out, and as it went by, every Congressman and Senator would add something on to it. Well, this year for the budget bill they added 5000 things on to it. That’s 5000 pork barrel earmarks who’s only purpose is to get them re-elected, which means they serve no national purpose at all. Can you imagine a Model T Ford with 5000 extraneous gadgets stuck on it? Why, it would be so weighted down it wouldn’t even roll off the assembly line. With broken springs, bent frame and four busted tires, you would have to pull it off with a bulldozer.

With so many people out of work, the president announced a “targeted jobs program”. It’s a good idea and I hope it works, but so far the new jobs are mostly targeted for Washington, DC. That’s the one place that doesn’t need more jobs. It’s the only place where you can sell your house for more than you owe on it.

Here’s more news about jobs. The Census Bureau had planned to hire 5000 people in Ohio to make sure everyone got counted in 2010. Maybe where you live it’s different, but in Ohio the population hasn’t changed much in ten years. So it was surprising to learn that the Census Bureau decided 5000 couldn’t handle the load, they will need 20,000. I don’t know what those extra 15,000 are going to do all day, but at least President Obama can claim he created the jobs. I joked earlier when the Census Bureau gave up on using computers, and went back to pencils, they should just hire Fed Ex, UPS, and Google. Those folks know where everybody lives, and would finish the count in a week.

Temporary, short-term jobs had been up a bit, but even that number will decrease since Tiger Woods left the country.

Historical quotes from Will Rogers:

“When the government runs anything, as they do practically everything (in socialist Russia), there is always about twice or three times as many working in the place as would be found in private enterprises.” Saturday Evening Post, Nov. 6, 1926

 “The budget is a mythical bean bag. Congress votes mythical beans into it, and then tries to reach in and pull real beans out.” DT # 2047, Feb. 24, 1933

 “Henry Ford has given more value for the least money. A Ford car and a marriage certificate is the two cheapest things there is. We no more than get either one than we want to trade them in for something better.” Radio, June 1, 1930