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I’ve read and listened to a lot of comments about the comedian’s performance Saturday night at the annual scholarship dinner put on by the news folks who cover the White House. Several thought she was funny and her commentary was appropriate for what they call a “New United States audience.”

Meanwhile, many in the “old” United States audience were disgusted and embarrassed by the crude language and many of her jokes, especially jabs aimed at other women.

So in the interest in salvaging the dignity (and fund-raising capacity) of this distinguished group of journalists, I offer “Will Rogers” as the after-dinner humorist for the 2019 banquet. Here are a whole bunch of quotes that should draw a few laughs and only a couple of groans:

“All I know is what I read in the newspaper.” [I would expand that to say, Plus radio and television. But I don’t claim to know anything seen on Facebook or Twitter. Most of what you see there ain’t worth knowing.”]

But really,  “We  learn by two things: one is reading, the other is associatin’ with smarter people.”   [So, take a minute to look at the two people sittin on either side of you.  If they look pretty smart… Congratulations.]

Actually ,“we’re all ignorant, we’re just ignorant on different subjects.”

 

“There’s nothing as stupid as an educated man if you get him off the subject he was educated in.”

 

You probably know  “I don’t write political jokes… No, I just watch the government and report the facts. I don’t even have to exaggerate.”

“There’s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.”

[Now I want to clear up one thing right off…] “I don’t belong to any organized political party…   I’m a Democrat.”

“But really, I don’t take sides with anybody politically. I kid those folks. But I know that they all get in there and do the best they can. None of ‘em from any party are going to ruin the country, at least not on purpose.”

“Democrats never agree on anything, that’s why they’re Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they’d be Republicans.”

Both gangs have been bad sports, so see if at least one can’t redeem themselves by offering no alibis, but cooperate with the winner in the next election. No matter which one it is the poor fellow is going to need it.

One of the evils of democracy is you have to put up with the man you elect whether you want him or not.”

“If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics”

“The greatest traits of Democrats is optimism and humor.  You’ve got to be an optimist to be a Democrat, and you’ve got to be a humorist to stay one.”

“The Democrats and the Republicans are equally corrupt where money is concerned —  it’s only in the amount where the Republicans excel.”

 

“Politics has got so expensive that it takes lots of money to even get beat with nowadays.”

“Democrats are attacking and the Republicans are defending. All the Democrats have to do is promise “what they would do if they got in.” But the Republicans have to promise “what they would do” and then explain why they haven’t already “done it.”

“Democrats never agree on anything, that’s why they’re Democrats.  If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans.”

 

“I read where they are going to limit debate in the Senate.  It used to be that a man could talk all day, but now, as soon as he tells all he knows, he has to sit down.  Most of these birds will just get up and nod.  Why, some of them won’t be able to answer roll call.”

“We all joke about Congress but we can’t improve on them.  Have you noticed that no matter who we elect, he is just as bad as the one he replaces? But they’re all good folks at heart—and if they wasn’t in Congress, why, they would be doing something else against us that might be even worse.”

 

Compared to Congress…”The thing about my jokes is they don’t hurt anybody. You can say they’re funny, or they’re horrible, or they’re good, whatever, but they don’t do any harm.

But with Congress every time they make a joke it’s a law… and every time they make a law, it’s a joke.”

 

“There is one thing you can bet on this year. No voter is going to do anything that a politician thinks he will do. The way most people feel, they would like to vote against all of ‘em, if it was possible.”

 

 

“I do honestly believe the Republicans have reformed and want to do better. But whether they have done it in time to win the election is another thing. The old voter is getting so he wants to be saved before October every election year.”

“This country has gotten where it is in spite of politics, not by the aid of it. That we have carried as much political bunk as we have and still survived shows we are a super nation.”

“I would love to see Mr. (Henry) Ford in there, really. I don’t know who started the idea that a President must be a Politician instead of a Business man. A Politician can’t run any other kind of business. So there is no reason why he can run the U.S. That’s the biggest single business in the World.”

“I make a living off (politicians), so I can’t knock ’em. Every time we elect some fellow we think he’s terrible and then when we get another one in he’s worse.”

“When you straddle a thing it takes a long time to explain it.”

“America has the best politicians money can buy.”

“Calvin Coolidge made less speeches and got more votes than any man that ever run. (William Jennings) Bryan was listened to and cheered by more people than any single human in politics, and he lost. So there is a doubt just whether talking does you good or harm.”

“Congress is so strange; a man gets up to speak and says nothing, nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees.”

“Congress meets tomorrow morning. Let us all pray: Oh Lord, give us strength to bear that which is about to be inflicted upon us. Be merciful with them, oh Lord, for they know not what they’re doing. Amen.”

“Now these fellows in Washington wouldn’t be so serious and particular if they only had to vote on what they thought was good for the majority of the people in the U.S. That would be a cinch. But what makes it hard for them is every time a bill comes up they have things to decide that have nothing to do with the merit of the bill. The principal thing is of course: What will this do for me personally back home?”

“The “Ways & Means Committee” is a committee that’s supposed to find the Ways to divide up the Means.”

“Never blame a legislative body for not doing something. When they do nothing, they don’t hurt anybody. When they do something is when they become dangerous.”

“The Senate just sits and waits till they find out what the president wants, so they know how to vote against him.”

“In Washington, one man could do what ten of them do. There could be only a quarter or a third as many congressmen or senators, and we would pick better ones then. But it’s the system that we have always used, and there is no use getting all overcome with perspiration over it. Things kinder run themselves, anyhow.”

“Senators are a never-ending source of amusement, amazement, and discouragement.”

“Funny thing about being a U.S. senator, the only thing the law says you have to be is 30 years old. Not another single requirement. They just figure that a man that old got nobody to blame but himself if he gets caught in there.”

“Our president delivered his State of the Union message to Congress. That is one of the things his contract calls for — to tell congress the condition of the country. This message, as I say, is to Congress. The rest of the people know the condition of the country, for they live in it, but Congress has no idea what is going on in America, so the president has to tell ’em.”

“A president just can’t make much showing against congress. They lay awake nights, thinking up things to be against the president on.”

“You know Lincoln’s famous remark about “God must have loved the common people, because he made so many of them?” Well, you are not going to get people’s votes nowadays by calling ’em common. Lincoln might have said it, but I bet it was not until after he was elected.”

“There wasn’t any Republicans in Washington’s day. No Republicans, no Boll Weevil, no income tax, no cover charge, no disarmament conference, no luncheon clubs, no stop lights, no (radio), no head winds. My Lord, living in those days, who wouldn’t be great?”

“It’s getting so if a man wants to stand well socially, he can’t afford to be seen with either the Democrats or the Republicans.”

“There is something about a Republican that you can only stand him just so long; and on the other hand, there is something about a Democrat that you can’t stand him quite that long.”

“Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously, and the politicians as a joke, when it used to be vice versa.”

“Many a politician wishes there was a law to burn old records.”

“Politics is the best show in America. I love animals and I love politicians, and I like to watch both of ’em at play, either back home in their native state, or after they’ve been captured and sent to a zoo, or to Washington.”

“A Republican moves slowly. They are what we call conservatives. A conservative is a man who has plenty of money and doesn’t see any reason why he shouldn’t always have plenty of money. A Democrat is a fellow who never had any, but doesn’t see any reason why he shouldn’t have some.”

“Funny to watch these Senators switching back and forth on Prohibition (and other major issues). Politics is a great character builder. You have to take a poll to see what your convictions are for that day.”

Who are the best writers? If we held a vote, English teachers might win, or authors of popular novels. But one group that would get no votes at all is lawyers. Oh, they likely know how to write; they learned it early in school. But some time during Law School, the skill of writing clear, common sense statements was sucked right out of ‘em.

Here are two recent examples. Neal Gorsuch, the new conservative Supreme Court Justice, voted with his liberal colleagues to overturn a ruling because the law it was based on was “vague.” In other words, the law was written so poorly by a legislative body that a judge had to figure out what it meant. Gorsuch says that ain’t right; it’s up to Congress or a state Legislature to write down exactly what it means. Then a judge can do his or her job of deciding whether the accused is innocent or guilty based on that law as written.

We all watched Jeff Zuckerberg, the whiz kid who founded Facebook, being interviewed (or interrogated) by a bunch of old Senators who still send out messages by telegram. They couldn’t figure out how a service provided free to millions of people could earn any money, let alone make Zuckerberg a billionaire. Well, the secret to his wealth is included in the legal document every Facebook user signs. But nobody reads it because it’s hundreds of pages. One prominent Senator admitted, “I’m a lawyer and I don’t understand it.”

The solution to these problems is for all legal documents to be written by non-lawyers. Someone who is blunt, straight-forward and clear. Someone like, say, Barbara Bush. Yes, we already miss her example of common sense clarity presented with a touch of humor.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“The minute you read something and you can’t understand it you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. Then if you give it to another lawyer to read and he don’t know just what it means, why then you can be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer. If it’s in a few words and is plain and understandable only one way, it was written by a non-lawyer.

Every time a lawyer writes something, he is not writing for posterity, he is writing so that endless others of his craft can make a living out of trying to figure out what he said, course perhaps he hadn’t really said anything, that’s what makes it hard to explain.” WA #657, July 28, 1935

Income taxes are due. I heard on the radio today that 20 percent of Americans pay 84 percent of all income taxes. That’s for 2017. Here’s a surprise: next April the top 20 percent will pay 87 percent of ‘em. Here we thought those birds were getting the big income tax cuts. Maybe those of us getting a few crumbs should say ‘thanks’ to those folks and utter a prayer for them to keep on living.

When it comes to taxes, our government does not have a record of brilliant decisions. (See Historic quotes below.)

At least one group of business folks is paying lower income taxes. Since 2012, net farm income has been cut in half. Soybean growers have been in the news lately because of the trade battle with China over tariffs. But dairy farmers are hurting even worse because cows are becoming too productive. Yes, they are giving milk faster than we can drink it. So drink more milk (real milk, not nut juice pretending to be milk). On your pizzas, order double cheese. And let’s hope it finally warms up this spring so we can enjoy ice cream. With cows and farmers producing too much food, Will Rogers’ suggestion in 1931 could work today, “Wish all the Farmers would move to town one year; that’s the only way I know to clear the thing up.”

Historic quotes by Will Rogers (income taxes):

“We got a long?sighted government. When everybody has got money they cut the taxes, and when they’re broke they raise ’em.” DT #1770, March 27, 1932

“We owe more money than any Nation in the World, and WE ARE LOWERING TAXES. When is the time to pay off a debt if it is not when you are doing well? … You let a Politician return home from Washington and announce, ‘Boys we lowered your taxes. We had to borrow the money to do it, but we did it.’ Say, they would elect him for life.” WA #161, Jan. 10, 1926

“We are known as the wealthiest Nation of all time.  Well, in the first place we are not. The difference between our rich and poor grows greater every year. Our distribution of wealth is getting more uneven all the time.  We are always reading, ‘How many men paid over a million dollar income tax.’ But we never read about ‘How many there is that are not eating regular.’” WA #388, June 1, 1930

“The crime of taxation is not in the taking it, it’s in the way that it’s spent.” DT #1764, March 20, 1932

“The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.” WA #17, April 8, 1923 (also WA #99, Nov. 2, 1924)

“You can’t legitimately kick on income tax, for it’s on what you have made. You have already made it. But, look at land, farms, homes, stores, vacant lots. You pay year after year on them whether you make it or not.” DT #1798, April 28, 1932

Congress passed a Budget. The total is $1.3 Trillion for discretionary items only. Actually it is a Republican budget plus a Democrat budget. They totally ignored the Taxpayer budget. That’s why it is so high. The total budget bill is 2200 pages, or over half a billion dollars per page. To save a bundle, next time limit it to 500 pages.

To get an extra $60 Billion for our military, President Trump had to accept an extra $100 Billion or so for things he didn’t want. He wanted $25 Billion for the Mexico Wall, and only got $1.6 Billion. Of course he campaigned on the idea that Mexico would pay for it. Maybe he can use a billion to bribe Mexican officials to put up the Wall themselves.  That’s how things get done down there, bribery. If we could figure out how to intercept all the drug money and other payments headed south of the border, we wouldn’t need bribery.

While Trump got $1.6 Billion to build a 1900-mile Wall, Sen. Schumer got $1.0 Billion for a 2-mile tunnel connecting New York City to New Jersey. Frankly I don’t know why he needed the money; the Governors of both states already promised a total of $11 Billion. If you can’t drill a hole under the Hudson River big enough for a train to go through for $11 Billion maybe they need other ideas.

I understand that 200,000 New Jerseyites insist on working in New York. Maybe they should just move to New York. Or have the government give each one a rowboat. Think how many boats you could buy for a billion dollars.

If 200,000 Americans decided to work in England, would we be expected to build a tunnel under the Atlantic Ocean?

Facebook is in trouble because an outfit called Cambridge Analytics “analyzed” data from Facebook posts in 2016 to skew the election in favor of Trump. When asked where they got the idea they said, “From Obama in 2012.”

I don’t know about you, but if they analyzed everything I put on Facebook they would conclude I am mighty confused. Does he live in Oklahoma or Ohio or California or West Virginia? Is he really old enough to comment on politics in the 1930s? Is he a comedian, an engineer, a rancher, or deranged?

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“The Budget is a mythical beanbag. Congress votes mythical beans into it and then tries to reach in a pull real beans out.” DT #2047, Feb. 24, 1933

“We will never get anywhere with our finances till we pass a law saying that every time we appropriate something, we got to pass another bill along with it, stating where the money is coming from.” DT #1733, Feb. 12, 1932

President Trump wants to put a tariff on imported steel and aluminum. Whether you are for it or against it mainly depends on whether a steel or aluminum mill is located in your area.

In recent years we have eliminated most tariffs, claiming that free trade is better for the country and the world. President Trump prefers fair trade and puts up numbers showing that we have lost billions in trade imbalance with China, Mexico, Canada and other countries.

The “Mother of all Tariff” bills was Smoot-Hawley, which passed in June 1930. Reed Smoot , Utah Senator, and Willis Hawley, Oregon Congressmen, pushed through a bill that put  tariffs on 20,000 imports. There was a lot of horse trading and arm twisting before it got in the final form. What was the effect on the economy? Most economists say it made the Great Depression worse because other countries retaliated. Others say the tariffs had little effect because international trade accounted for less than ten percent of our Gross National Product during the 1930s.

The “Trump Tariff” looks like an opening salvo aimed at other countries to persuade them to stop dumping steel and aluminum here below cost. Will it work? Can Trump close the deal? Regardless, if you are planning to buy a product with a lot of steel or aluminum in it, you may want to make your own deal pronto. If you wonder what groups likely suffer the most from tariffs, at the top of the list will be American farmers.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers on tariffs, including Smoot-Hawley:

“The tariff is an instrument invented for the benefit of those who ‘make’ to be used against those who ‘buy.’ As there is more buyers than there is makers, it is a document of the minority. But what a minority.” DT #912, June 28, 1929

“The Senate is still arguing over the tariff, this time with the President. The law says he can change various duties if he sees fit. Well, the Senate says that gives him too much authority, that they themselves are the ones that are really competent to do that.” DT #989, Sept. 26, 1929

“They didn’t pass the tariff bill, for the thing wasn’t any good. Never blame a legislative body for not doing something. When they do nothing, they don’t hurt anybody. It’s when they do something is when they become dangerous.” DT #1038, Nov. 22, 1929

“Mr. (Henry) Ford issued a statement last week that this new tariff bill, if passed, will be the worst thing in the world for all of us. You see a lot of manufacturing establishments try to cover up their own business ability by having the Government protect them against somebody that handles their business better than they do.  We won’t see the real effects of this till we have all these other Countries passing restrictive tariffs against us. You can’t stop the other fellow from shipping his goods to us without him doing something to get even… Some of the smartest and most conscientious men in our National life have been divided on the tariff question. It’s not all Politics; a lot of it is a matter of real opinion, based on a long study. All Democrats don’t agree on it and no two Republicans have exactly the same opinion on it. So let’s give the old boys the benefit of the breaks… Arguing tariff is sorter like arguing religion. There just ain’t any answer. If a business thrives under a protective tariff, that don’t mean that it has been a good thing. It may have thrived because it made the people of America pay more for the object than they should have, so a few have got rich at the cost of the many. There is never any way of estimating the damage done by a tariff, that is, how much other countries retaliate in different ways.”   WA #388, June 1, 1930

“Seven hundred legislators [Congress] have done what no other 700 men in the world could have done. They have succeeded in making a tariff bill that no one in the700 thinks is any good, and yet they will pass it.” DT #1208, June 9, 1930

“Congress passed the Tariff Bill.  They know it was a lot of hooey but they went right on and passed it just the same.  The Tariff Bill is going to be great for everybody who don’t buy anything or don’t eat anything.  Now it is bound to do you good if you don’t buy or eat and that is the only one it is going to be any good for.” Radio, June 15, 1930

The school massacre in Florida continues to draw attention. Everyone has one goal: prevent future school killings.

A good friend in Oklahoma who is also a safety expert, Carl Potter of Tulsa, laid out a complete plan to secure school buildings similar to the way a lot of federal government buildings are protected. While most commentators are focused on banning certain guns, Carl’s plan would work against any weapon.

Carl asked me, “What would Will Rogers say about guns and shootings?”

I’ll get to Will’s comments, but first here are a few of my own observations. Money is a major issue. Teachers already say they are underpaid and have few supplies. What would a school district cut to pay for security? If the bulk of local property taxes already go to schools, will these folks gladly pay more? Will states increase their sales tax?

If all the schools become secure, what is the next target? Colleges? Shopping centers? Parades? Sensible prevention is the key. Incompetence and silly rules allowed Cruz, and several previous mass murderers, to get guns and keep them. For young folks, it starts with parents. If they can’t control a dangerous offspring and separate him from guns, knives and other weapons, then the police and mental health professionals should step in. There is no perfect solution. These “crazies” are always easy to identify…after the murders. And they will find new ways around security measures or bans on certain guns.

Ok, Carl, here are a few of Will Rogers comments on guns and killings. His comments were often in a lighter vein, but still had a subtle, serious message. Will wrote about guns, murders and automatic weapons. (Note that automatic weapons were common during Prohibition (1920s) but were later banned by Congress at different times, including 1986.)

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“Nowadays the so-called bad man is either an escaped Lunatic or thick-headed [drug] fiend or somebody full of terrible liquor… Still these addle brains can go and buy a gun any place they want to. You know what has been the cause of the big increase in murders? It’s been the manufacture of the automatic pistol. It’s alright to have it invented, but it should never have been allowed outside the Army. If you are going to sell guns to everybody, let’s fix it so the party behind the gun will be at least a clear-headed, skilled marksman instead of a drunken amateur.”  WA #145, Sept. 20, 1925

“When the judgement day comes, civilization will have an alibi ‘I never took a human life, I only sold the fellow the gun to take it with.’” DT #926, July 15, 1929

“Passed through Chicago today. It was raining bad and practically all the shootings were confined to indoors. A few who had raincoats were outside plugging away at each other.” DT #339, Aug. 23, 1927

“Yesterday another New York catastrophe happened in one of the hourly shooting [disturbances] which are held on the Public Streets. An innocent bystander was shot. You just stand around in New York long enough and be innocent, and someone will shoot you. That really was quite an event to shoot an innocent person in New York City. It takes better shooting than you think. You know policemen in New York are never taught to aim; they are instructed just to shoot up the street. No matter who they hit it will be someone that should have been hit before. They very seldom hit the one originally intended, but they most always get a worse one.” WA #129, May 31, 1925

“I tell you the world owes women a terrible lot, and one of our greatest debts to them is for shooting some of the men. If we can just improve their marksmanship we can improve civilization. You give a woman a gun and let her practice with it as much as she does with a powder puff (you never saw one miss their nose, even in the dark) and this will be a better world to live in. People think there is a lot of shooting going on in the United States nowadays, but I tell you there is not half as much as there ought to be. About every fourth fellow you meet nowadays ought to be shot.” WA #175, Apr. 18, 1926

“The fuss raised over Prohibition has done twice as much harm as the drinking has. The drys wanted it in the Constitution and they got it in there.  The wets wanted to drink and they got it.  So what is all this shooting about anyhow?  It is in the Constitution and it is going to stay there as long as there is a bottle left. I have told Prohibition jokes on both sides of this question all over the country, in every town hall and every hay barn and in lots of the churches all over the country I have spoke in, and people have laughed at the little jokes, and then they would go right out the next day and elect a dry.” Radio, June 8, 1930

In California cities, illegal immigrants with criminal records are lining up to get INTO jail. “Please, Mr. Sheriff, arrest me and put me in protective custody.” (Of course they say it in Spanish.)  Why?

Last week the federal government arrested over 200 immigrants in Los Angeles without documentation, and 88 percent of them have criminal records. They will be sent to a federal prison or expelled from the country. Interestingly, they had warrants for 200 others but could not arrest them. Do you know why? Because they were already in jail and California officials refuse to hand them over. California is building more jails, but they won’t cost much. They only need locks to keep the Federal officers OUT.

A judge in New York City declared that the owner of an old building did not have a legal right to paint it, and fined him for doing just that. There was nothing obscene or derogatory about the paint job on the 4-story brick building; it was just plain white paint used to cover up graffiti. The fine was $6,000,000. That’s not a typo; that’s a 6 with six zeros after it. If you own a barn with a “Mail Pouch” ad, or a building with an American flag painted on it, before repainting you had better have a big bank account. No, wait. Never mind. That judge would applaud painting over the flag.

Immigration Arithmetic.  The immigration debate in Washington is weird, and it all relates to simple math. Yes, it’s political, but the politics is dominated by math. First, Democrats insisted that 800,000 immigrants brought here illegally by their parents should be granted citizenship. But when President Trump suggested that 1,800,000 be put on a path to citizenship Democrats rose up against the idea. The answer to this puzzle is in the math.  Why oppose something they originally favored? And why did they seize on the idea of allowing children of illegal immigrants to stay instead of insisting on citizenship for the parents? Well, only a small minority of Americans want to give citizenship to adults. But children… innocent, helpless children… that’s a different story.

Here’s where the math comes in. Once these “children” became citizens under the DREAM Act, they in turn, just like any U.S. citizen, could petition to make their parents legal citizens also. Once Congress, as Democrats insisted, voted to allow the original 800,000 DACA illegals to stay, of course all other “children” of undocumented immigrants should receive the same benefit. That increases the number way beyond 1.8 million; probably at least 3 million. Democrats also insisted on keeping “chain” migration which means those 3 million new citizens could petition to have parents already here illegally, and hordes of family members back in their home country, could become new American citizens. Add those to the original number and you have at least 10 million. Democrats also did not want to change the “lottery” system, which favors less developed countries, to an immigration system based on merit. (Merit means that we want to attract immigrants who will contribute to the American way and build the country.) Ones who come on “merit” are likely to be entrepreneurs, computer specialists, nurses, engineers and others who would thrive in our free enterprise system. Ones who come in a “lottery” system will, by chance, include a few of those, but mostly immigrants without needed skills, little education, and who would be beholden to the government for assistance.

So for the Democrats, 800,000 was expected to balloon to 10,000,000 very quickly. And in ten or fifteen years, without “The Wall” and effective border security, we would have the same DACA and DREAMer situation all over again. Yes, by simple arithmetic, 800,000 in 2018 could add up to 20,000,000 by the 2030s.

If you think that math looks impossible, consider another government program, with dollars. When Medicare was begun in the mid-1960s the projected annual cost was $10 Billion. It multiplied to $700 Billion today.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:

“I tell you the whole world is cockeyed, and we mustn’t be surprised at anything. Mr. Coolidge, who never said and unkind word against anybody – in fact talks less than anybody – he pays $2500 [in a lawsuit] for talking too much.” DT #1777, April 4, 1932

Another government shutdown was avoided when Congress passed a huge budget bill. The massive increase in spending was worked out by the new Majority Leader of the Senate, Chuck Schumer.

The Republicans and Democrats have dueling memos about Russian influence in the 2016 election. The Republicans wrote a 4-page memo and got it released even though it included some embarrassing details about the FBI. It was not a blockbuster like they had claimed, but it was enough to get the Democrats riled up. So Democrat Congressman Adam Schiff wrote 10 pages about the same subject but reached opposite conclusions. In those extra 6 pages he slipped in a bunch of top secret classified information. The FBI and President Trump refused to allow classified details to stay in, so they sent the memo back to Mr. Schiff for revision. Mr. Schiff doesn’t like that move, and neither does Senator Schumer.

Here’s a modest proposal on how Trump should handle it. Give Congressman Schiff one print copy of the Memo with all “classified” words and phrases underlined (but not blacked out). He will READ ALOUD the Memo at a televised news conference. He can include or skip over the classified underlined words or phrases.  It is his choice. Whoa! How much classified information do you think he would expose?

After Congressman Schiff finishes reading his copy, copies of the Memo with all “classified” words/phrases REDACTED will be given to the press.

President Trump suggested he would like to have a big military parade in Washington, but he caught a lot of flak. Even military officers are not thrilled.

Here’s a different military parade idea, from Will Rogers: “If we really wanted to honor our Boys, why didn’t we let them sit on the reviewing stands and make the people march those 15 miles?” (He wrote that in 1923 about our WWI soldiers.)

Well, let’s reverse President Trump’s idea. Encourage current military personnel and veterans to go to Washington and sit in the stands or stand along the streets, and let all Congressional Representatives and Senators and their staffs, including lobbyists, plus most of the Executive Branch, parade in front of ’em. Walk from Capitol Hill down Constitution Avenue on one side of the National Mall to Lincoln Memorial then return on the other side of the Mall to the Capitol Bldg. Memorial Day weekend would be an ideal time.

If the President still wants to show off our latest technology, have a couple of stealth bombers fly over. Maybe the Blue Angels or Thunderbirds could put on a short performance.

This parade idea won’t cost anything hardly and might even save a few million because it will keep the President in town, and prevent the 535 in Congress from flying off somewhere around the world.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“The budget is a mythical beanbag. Congress votes mythical beans into it and then tries to reach in and pull real beans out.” DT #2047, Feb., 24, 1933

“They sent what they call the Budget to Congress… There’s things on there that you had no idea existed.”  WA #312, Dec. 16, 1928

The government shutdown lasted only 3 days, last Saturday, Sunday and Monday, when only essential government work got done. For most of us it was not much different than the previous weekend. Senate Democrats caused the shutdown because they wanted 800,000 nonlegal immigrants brought here as children by their illegal immigrant parents to receive legal status. Senator Schumer was the main supporter of the nonlegal immigrants, and he finally relented and voted for the temporary funding deal.

A few days later a formal proposal was submitted to legalize more than twice as many of these young folks. You might have expected Sen. Schumer and all the Democrats to be celebrating in the street. But, no. Former Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, even called this plan (which would legalize almost 2 million young aliens) “racist.” That seemed odd since most of them are Mexican and I did not know Mexican was a race.

It’s not just the Democrats; a lot of Republicans don’t like it either. In fact, a similar bill of some sort has been introduced in Congress almost every year since 2001. Democrats and Republicans have kinda taken turns opposing it. It’s enough to make you suspect many prefer to keep the issue alive for political purposes instead of solving it. The stalemate may last for many years, maybe even long enough that the illegal parents will have conveniently died of natural causes.

One hang up is The Wall, and how to raise $20 Billion to pay for it. Well, I’ve got a plan. I read in the newspaper that last year Americans spent $80 Billion on Lottery tickets. So let Congress and the President pass a law that for the next 12 months all Lottery earnings go to pay for the Wall. You may say, “We don’t need $80 Billion.” You’re right, and that’s the best part. See, $60 Billion of the $80 Billion will go to the holders of the winning tickets, and that’s way better odds than they get now. With those odds, even Mexicans will be buying tickets.

President Trump will deliver his first State of the Union speech Tuesday night. Every good speaker will tell you to include only 3 or 4 key points. But he will likely feel obliged to cover 20 or 30.

Actually he should stick to only one point: the Economy. That would include improving wages and bonuses, income tax reductions, job growth, energy production, and the stock market. That’s it. Stop at 15 minutes. The opposing party always has a response after the speech. Let ‘em respond to the Economy. Don’t give journalists and TV commentators anything else to talk about. But you can bet Trump’s prepared speech will be about 45 minutes, and with his ad libs and extraneous comments, he will run over an hour.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“Our President delivered his first [State of the Union] message to Congress. You know that’s one of the things that his contract calls for. One of the few stipulated duties of the President, and that is that every once in awhile he delivers a message to Congress to tell them the “Condition of the Country.” This message, as I say, is to Congress; the rest of the country know the condition of the country, for they live in it and are a part of it. But the Senators and Congressmen, being in Washington all the time, have no idea what is going on in America. So the President has to tell ’em.” WA #371, Feb. 2, 1930

 “A president just can’t make much showing against congress.  They lay awake nights, thinking up things to be against the president on.” WA #430, March 22, 1931

Nobody likes one word President Trump (supposedly) said last week in a private meeting. What would have been the reaction ninety years ago? Will Rogers knew, and was in conversations with, several Presidents, Senators and other high level officials between ~1920 and 1935. I am confident that in some of those situations of one-on-one or small group discussions, a few derogatory cuss words were heard.  Will never quoted any of those remarks, and I doubt that others, including journalists, ever reported those comments by the likes of FDR, V-P John Nance Garner, Sen. Tom Heflin, Herbert Hoover, or Coolidge. With that background information, I think Will would take a different approach than 90% of the critics of Trump. First, Sen. Durbin of Illinois, apparently the only Democrat invited to the high level discussion, has been around long enough to know that other countries would be upset to hear such a comment attributed to our President.  He did not care about an international firestorm; his only interest was to embarrass President Trump in an attempt to get a more liberal immigration agreement. Second, we have not heard what caused Trump to get angry enough to make such a derogatory comment.  Here’s the background. President Trump has made it clear that any agreement to allow 800,000 so-called DACA immigrants (AND their parents!) to become legal citizens must also  greatly limit the “chain migration” system and END the Lottery system of pulling names randomly out of a hat to decide who can immigrate legally to the US. Instead, President Trump emphasized that immigration must be based on Merit.  (In a Merit system, people from any country in the world can apply and the “winners” would be based on OUR needs. Does the person have needed skills, such as nursing or computer engineering or desires to be a farm laborer? Does the person want to invest a large sum in a new manufacturing facility here? And other factors that make sense for America.) So, with those ground rules set by Trump, here comes Sen. Durbin to the meeting with a great bipartisan DACA plan.  The Senator probably said something like this: Mr. President, we decided we need to expand the Lottery system to give priority to more immigrants from Haiti, Somalia, and other poverty-stricken African nations. How would you have reacted to that statement if you were Trump?  Since you had already stated emphatically that all immigration must be based on merit, you would not have been pleased. Sure, you would not have cussed in mentioning Haiti and African nations. Instead you would have used an adjective such as “poor,” “poverty-stricken,” or “third-world”.  (Note that a similar derogatory word, “Hellhole,” has been stated by a Senator in a Congressional hearing a few years ago that was broadcast live on TV.  You probably don’t remember the uproar about that comment, because there wasn’t any. ) If you’re still with me, I hope this sheds some light on a controversial news story. Historic quote by Will Rogers: [Newly appointed Secretary of War, Pat Hurley] “And he is making good right from the jump, too. He hadn’t any more than been appointed than he hatched one with Haiti. Course that’s not much of a war, but it may lead into something bigger and better.” DT #1052, Dec. 9, 1929