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COLUMBUS: Over the years, state legislatures have been known to pass bills that defy science and common sense. Well, last week the Connecticut legislature took a swipe at History.

They passed a bill that says: forget the Wright Brothers, this is the home of the first airplane. It was piloted in 1901 by a fellow named Gustave Whitehead. They said, “Don’t be misled by history or any other unreliable source. Here’s the place where the first airplane took off.” This is by unanimous vote of the state legislature of Connecticut. Connecticut has been made the official site of the first airplane flight. Any airplane taking off from any other site was not official.

So the Connecticut legislature has booted Orville and Wilbur out of the history books in favor of Gus. Don’t be surprised if next week they pass another bill claiming that old Gus also flew across the Atlantic two years before Lindbergh. Connecticut has historically been known as the Nutmeg State. From now on, we can leave off the meg.

A young fellow with the National Security Agency said today that the NSA knows exactly who we talk to on the phone and for how long, and a lot of folks are shocked. But it’s no surprise; back in the old days of party line phones there was always one nosy neighbor who did the same thing. In fact, if the NSA is serious about preventing terrorist attacks, they should require that all phones be on a party line. That way there are no secret attacks. Think of the Boston Marathon bombers. No sooner would an Islamic terrorist hang up the phone and go out the front door than he would be clobbered over the head by a rolling pin and a broom.

These revelations about the NSA keeping phone records and emails can come in handy for us men the next time a wife or teenager complains, “Nobody ever listens to me!”

President Obama has named Susan Rice the new head of the NSA. Do we really want a person in charge of protecting our security who asks no questions and spouts whatever words are put in front of her? I guess when the leaders of Iran and North Korea tell her, “We don’t have any nuclear weapons,” she’ll take their word for it.

Our President met with the president of China this weekend in Santa Monica. Computer hacking and cyber stealing was a major topic for Obama. As he began to read aloud from his prepared script, the Chinese president interrupted, “Don’t bother, I already saw it. All 7 drafts.”

The government announced they will sell the General Motors stock purchased four years ago. In that time, the stock market has almost doubled. But being a typical government operation, us taxpayers will lose $10 Billion on the deal.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:
“You could transfer Congress over to run Standard Oil or General Motors, and they would have both things bankrupt in two years.” WA #307, Nov. 11, 1928

President Obama visited Oklahoma to tour the tornado devastation. He paid tribute especially to the dedicated teachers at two destroyed schools in Moore who managed to save all but seven of their students. Oklahoma is in the middle of what some folks call “Tornado Alley” and they wonder why anyone would be crazy enough to want to live there. Well, it’s not that bad. I bet if you checked out all the houses and barns that are, say, 50 or more years old, not one in a hundred has been damaged by a tornado.

Our Columbus Dispatch printed an editorial cartoon that was unfair to Oklahoma Senator Inhofe by claiming he was against aid for victims of Hurricane Sandy but would like aid for the tornado victims. He (and fellow Senator Coburn) voted against the $60 Billion relief for Hurricane Sandy victims because only about $15 Billion was actually for the victims. If Congress decides to allocate a Billion dollars or so to Oklahoma tornado relief, Oklahoma folks will appreciate it. But if an extra 3 or 4 Billion gets tacked on to a so-called relief bill, Oklahoma will say, “Sorry, no thanks. We’ll just take care of ourselves.”

On Friday the President gave a speech to the country.  He asked us to forget about the IRS and Benghazi, forget about bugging the Fox and AP reporters, and instead celebrate the end of the war on terror. It’s over. Nothing left but small skirmishes.

That’s what he said. Right after the speech he got a call from England, “Sorry, Islamic terrorists just beheaded a man in London.” Then France called…  I guess Obama never heard the story Abraham Lincoln told, “If you call a tail a leg, how many legs does a dog have? Five? No, calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.”

I was invited to attend a “March on Monsanto” protest, but I didn’t go. It seems shortsighted to be against using plant genetics to produce more food with less water, less chemicals and less soil loss. The world population will likely increase to 9 billion in 40 years and we can’t feed ‘em all with only the genetics of 40 years ago when we fed 4 billion. All these protesters have one thing  in common, at least the ones in the U.S. and Europe: they’re well fed. None of ‘em are starving, except maybe by choice in order to fit into last summer’s swimsuit.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“There is certain things nature can do to you (earthquakes, floods, tornados, drought)… When nature enters into it, don’t criticize.” DT #2081, April 5, 1933
“I am only an ignorant cowpuncher, but there ain’t nobody on earth, I don’t care how smart they are, ever going to make me believe they will ever stop wars.”  WA #32, July 22, 1923
 “A sure certainty about our Memorial days is as fast as the ranks from one war thin out, the ranks of another take their place… People talk peace, but men give their life’s work to war. It won’t stop till there is as much brains and scientific study put to aid peace as there is to promote war.” DT #888, May 31, 1929

Ignorance has been around for a long time, but never before has it been openly listed as a qualification for a high government job. Currently, it seems to rank above honesty, competence, and common horse sense. I said one time that “we’re all ignorant, just on different subjects.”  But I never expected that a subject you’re ignorant of is one they would put you in charge of.

It’s been a rough week for the President, what with Benghazi, IRS and the hassling of AP reporters. He was kinda hoping the murder trials of Jodi Arias and the baby-killing Philadelphia abortionist would last a while longer.

Now, we hear that key folks in the federal government claim they were ignorant, ignorant of any wrongdoing by the employees under their management. President Obama said he was ignorant of the IRS targeting Tea Party folks. The head of the IRS said he knew nothing, went before Congress, and proved that he knows absolutely nothing. Sarah Hall Ingram, in charge of the Cincinnati IRS office, said she was ignorant or incompetent, I’m not sure which. Maybe both.

Do you know what happens to a manager at the IRS who claims ignorance or incompetence? In Mrs. Ingram’s case you get a raise, bonuses and a promotion out of Cincinnati to run a new program with even more opportunities for ignorance to prevail.

The President says he is shocked that IRS agents in Cincinnati would throw up roadblocks against conservative organizations just because he was attacking them in campaign speeches. Those agents live in John Boehner’s back yard, belong to a union, and work in an agency the Republicans want to eliminate by instituting a flat tax. It’s no surprise they opposed the election of Republicans who would jeopardize their jobs, bonuses and promotions.

President Obama wants Congress to look forward, not backward. He told ‘em, “Disregard everything we covered up and ignored to get reelected in 2012, and we’ll work with you to see that it never happens again.”  After all, that was months ago. What difference does it make now.

You might say, why not have ignorant people running the government; voter’s ignorance is how many of them got elected.

It’s a shame. This claim of ignorance and incompetence by a few is making the majority of good honest folks working for the government look bad. Like I said about lawyers one time, the main goal should be to rid their ranks of the shysters.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“An awful lot of boys and girls graduate this week all over the country. Ignorance is just about obliterated.” DT #907, June 23, 1929
 “All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that’s an alibi for my ignorance.” DT #1263, Aug. 12, 1930
 “We got a murder trial (dominating news coverage), and we don’t know a thing in the world that is happening outside of that, so pardon my ignorance.” DT #2203, Aug. 25, 1930
 “It’s not really intention on the government’s part that they don’t do better, it’s ignorance.” WA #428, March 8, 1931

Today I was going to joke about how this column would have been three times longer and sent out hours sooner if I had not sent it to the White House for review first. Fortunately, before I wrote that little attempt at humor, I read about what the IRS did to organizations that appear to be opposed to the President.

What you see below is all mine, first draft, nothing deleted for national security or political purposes. So if you find grammar mistakes, you can’t blame Jay Carney.

While much of the country is just now realizing the facts about the Benghazi attack, as a  regular reader of this column you were well informed within a few days. Here’s what I wrote on September 16, 2012: The Administration announced that the murder of our Ambassador and 3 others in Libya on Sept. 11 was the result of a “spontaneous” protest. Sure, it was spontaneous in the same way thousands of men with guns suddenly appear in the woods the first day of deer season. Al Qaeda is behind the embassy attack in Egypt and other Muslim countries. They even taunted us with signs that read, “Obama, we’re all Osamas.”

Now I ain’t braggin’ about having any inside knowledge back then. In fact it seems the only ones who remained ignorant were President Obama, Secretary Clinton, Ambassador Rice, and most major networks and newspaper editors.

The big question in Washington today is “Who rewrote the original CIA Benghazi report 11 times?”  Steven Hayes and Jonathan Karl have nosed around Washington and dug up more than anyone else. I suggest the answer is not in Washington, but Chicago. David Axelrod, Rahm Emanuel, and Robert Gibbs are the fellows I would check out to see if they just might have telephoned in a few deletions about Islamic terrorists and instead placed blame on a video.
On a different matter, Attorney General Holder made a speech a week or so ago about immigrants. He flatly stated that anyone who can sneak into this country (which ain’t that hard to do) deserves civil rights the same as a U.S. citizen.  Yes, we have laws against illegal entry, and yes, the Attorney General is our top officer to enforce those laws. I sure don’t want to rile our top cop, but I feel that whatever country they sneaked in from is where they deserve their civil rights. It’s common horse sense. However, I have no doubt we’ll eventually agree to let most of these folks stay. If the Democrats would agree to let half of ‘em vote Republican it would pass for sure.

In some good news, the stock market topped 15,000 for the first time. Of course, it don’t look so great when you recall the Dow was over 14,000 five and a half years ago. Too bad the unemployment rate hasn’t returned to what it was five and half years ago.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:
“Give (Mother) a day, and then in return why Mother gives you the other 364. They could have given Mother a week, but that would have been giving Mother a little the best of it…”  Radio, May 12, 1935

The Muslim brothers who killed and maimed dozens in Boston were spies.
Like any spy, they pretended to carry on a normal life to fool everyone around them. Except for a few other Muslims (yet to be determined) nobody suspected anything, not even the FBI. Well, the Russians suspected ‘em, and warned us, but who trusts a Russian?

America has raised $28 million for the victims of the Boston terrorists. That’s good. But we need to remember also that a fertilizer plant in the small Texas town of West blew up. Fourteen died, almost 200 were injured, and tremendous damage was done to buildings. The nearby Waco Foundation is accepting contributions for the town.

I hate to write this about any President. But Obama’s answer about the Benghazi attack September 11 is the same as Sgt. Schultz’s on Hogan’s Heroes: “I know nothiiing.” And Secretary of State Clinton is no better. One of her ambassadors was killed by Islamic terrorists, and five months later she told Congress,  “What difference does it make now?” She said she did not even know that Ambassador Stevens had requested more security protection. Apparently she was busy trying to maintain peace and protect our national security by flying to places like Malawi, Latvia and Lithuania. And Benin, Burma and Togo, too.

Well, this week some men who survived the Benghazi terrorist attack will inform President Obama and Mrs. Clinton what the rest of us suspected all along. When they testify to Congress we’ll all learn details we should have learned, first hand, last October. The President kept the details hidden until after the 2012 election. Mrs. Clinton hopes the details are forgotten before the 2016 election.

Have you heard about the Pigford case? Fifteen years ago the Department of Agriculture admitted they had discriminated against some southern black farmers, and they deserved compensation. Well, out of an estimated 3000 farmers who might have been refused loans, how many do you suppose have filed a claim? About 100,000. So far. Out of those legitimate 3000, the most anyone collected was $50,000. But one man collected $10,000,000. You might say, ‘He must have been a really big farmer.’ No, he’s a lawyer. A big shyster lawyer named Al Pires. He recruited many of the 97,000 pretend farmers, promised to get them some free money, and pirated a big chunk of it for himself.  This scheme has cost us taxpayers way over two Billion dollars, with most going to lawyers who turn around and grease the palms of politicians who keep the scheme going with no end in sight.

Another shyster lawyer convinced USDA that Cherokees and other Indian farmers deserved $750,000,000; so far the lawyer distributed $300,000,000 but they have hung on to the rest. The only way an Indian farmer has a chance to make as much from his land as the lawyer is to build a casino on it. The odds on that ain’t so good either.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“3500 lawyers of the American Bar Association are here (in Los Angeles) eating us out of house and home. They are here, they say, ‘to save the Constitution, to preserve State rights.’ What they ought to be here for, that would make this convention immortal, is to kick the crooks out of their profession.”  DT #2789, July 14, 1935
 “Went down and spoke at (the ABA convention) last night. They didn’t think much of my little squib yesterday about driving the shysters out of their profession. They seemed to kinder doubt just who would have to leave.” DT #2791, July 16, 1935

Do you remember two weeks ago when the FBI announced that an Elvis Presley impersonator had mailed an envelope with the deadly poison ricin to President Obama? Well, in an odd twist, it seems that the ricin was actually sent by a man impersonating the impersonator.

Meanwhile in Syria, President Obama believes that poison gas has been used against civilians. However he stopped short of blaming the attack on Elvis. Or any Elvis impersonators.

West Virginia Senator Joe Manchin says he will reintroduce the bill to require background checks for gun purchases, except for sales to relatives. The bill previously lost by 6 votes, but he’s optimistic it will pass when other Senators realize how many of their gun-toting constituents are related.

Here’s a good question to ask your lawyer friends. If an immigrant tricks us into giving him U.S. citizenship, then carries out a terrorist attack, does he  deserve any “Constitutional rights?”

We haven’t heard from the young North Korean lately. I think he’s waiting for a slow news day to announce he will launch a rocket. He will say he’s aiming at the Pacific Ocean, then after it splashes down he’ll proudly proclaim that he hit the target.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:

“Well, here we are in Korea… I found people that have funnier hats than the kind you are wearing back home. It’s a sort of old cab driver’s derby, but it’s made of screen netting like the thing we used to keep over cheese in the Claremore grocery store.” DT #1678, Dec. 9, 1931

All our attention has been focused on Boston and the small Texas town of West.  One was an attack by Islamic terrorists, the other a tragic industrial explosion at a fertilizer plant. Both need our prayers and support.

President Obama lost out last week on his desire to limit gun sales. Even with West Virginia Senator Manchin promising to exempt all relatives from background checks, folks out in the country just don’t see how such a law would prevent shootings like in the Connecticut and Colorado schools. The President went all out to eliminate so-called assault rifles and clips holding more than a few bullets. He got nothing out of it but pen he planned to sign it with.

The President should have seen a parallel with the Democrats stance on Prohibition in 1929, as described by Will Rogers:
“I see in Washington dispatches that the Democrats are planning to take the wet [pro-alcohol] side and make a direct issue of Prohibition in ‘32. Why a man should dig his grave three years before he is buried is almost unexplainable. I spent three years in 48 states kidding and joking on both sides of Prohibition, and if you think this country is wet, you got a big city angle on a nation that is composed of country folks. It’s the only law we ever had where the small town and country folks know they hold the trump card. You can’t change it without their permission, and you won’t get it. They are just laughing at you.”  (May 1, 1929)

Of course, the ‘32 election turned out fine for the Democrats, based on the economy, not Prohibition.  The wets eventually prevailed, overturning the 18th Amendment with the 21st Amendment in ‘33. Don’t hold your breath waiting for the 2nd Amendment to be overturned.

The Midwest planting season is off to a peculiar start.  In Minnesota corn planters are sitting out in the field, surrounded by snow drifts. In Illinois a farmer who last year had already planted corn was seen water skiing on the same field. Last fall the Mississippi was drying up, delaying barge traffic. Now high water is delaying the same barges.

Stocks are holding steady. Gold has dropped. I’m still high on farmland, even if it’s temporarily underwater.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:
“The biggest marathon race we have in this country finished here today, and an old boy from Canada won it, because he never owned a Ford and didn’t know how to run one. Outsiders won everything. We ride good, but we get out of wind walking to the garage.” DT #852, Apr. 19, 1929

Just when you thought no one could come up with something new to tax, here comes Maryland. The Governor decided to tax rain. Not all rain, just the rain that falls on concrete, asphalt and roofs that don’t leak. That’s quite a relief to farmers. They already pay a tax on their land which would be practically useless without rain.

On the other hand, farmers and ranchers in Oklahoma and Texas would be delighted to pay a tax on rain if they could just get some. If those two state governments had to live on a rain tax they would be more broke than California.

This tax is gonna set Maryland back a hundred years. From sports stadiums to shopping centers to homeowners, they’ll all rip up their paved parking lots and driveways. From now on you’ll have to park your car on dirt to avoid the rain tax. When it rains, well, good luck getting your car out of the mud. But if that’s what it takes to please a governor, that’s a sacrifice we’ll have to make.

The argument over illegal immigrants (sorry, undocumented immigrants) would be easier to understand if we treated it like our home instead of our country. When you lock your doors at night it’s to keep out the “undocumented.” If someone wants to enter, they knock and you decide if you want to let ‘em in. It’s common sense.

That brings us to guns. Chicago is the murder capital of the country, just like in the 1920s. I bet the cops could identify 90 percent of the criminals and gang members and confiscate their guns if the mayor would let ‘em. That would clean up the town and bring it back to civilization.

Here’s another idea. When a woman gets a divorce the husband usually deserves it. And he’s lucky she didn’t just shoot him. So he should be happy to give up his guns along with alimony. She might even let him deduct a few dollars from the alimony check to buy meat with, since he can’t go hunting for it.

The President is tickled the country is talking about immigration and guns instead of the economy. Jobs are stagnant. Tax rates are up. People are buying less. Until Washington gets serious and takes their foot off the brake pedal, they have decided to hunker down, save money and hope for better days ahead. You might say, “Yes, but the stock market is at a record high.” That’s right, but only because the Federal Reserve keeps blowing hot air into the financial balloon. Any time now it could bust.

Australia watched “Breakfast at the Masters.” It took a playoff to decide who wears the green jacket. For us it was Sunday afternoon, but when Adam Scott won the Masters in Augusta, Georgia, it was Monday morning back home. Just think, at the end an Aussie had to beat an Angel from Argentina to win it.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:
“The Income Tax has made more liars out of the American people than Golf has.” WA #99, Nov. 2, 1924

Here we are in the middle of tax paying season and the President announces more ways to spend our hard-earned money. He wants banks to loan money to people with poor credit so they can buy a house. That idea worked so well when Barney Frank and Chris Dodd persuaded banks to do it that he wants to repeat it. Of course those bank loans would be federally insured, with our money. Back in the ‘30s we had Hoovervilles; if this goes through we may be stuck with Obamavilles, financed with our money.
Next, the President wants us to put 11 million illegal immigrants on a “path to citizenship.” But he offers no concrete plan to close the path that got ‘em here. Unless we control the borders this is an open invitation to the next 11 million waiting to sneak in. Of course we want immigrants. But it’s our house and we should get to pick the ones we want to live with.
Oh, I apologize. According to the Associated Press, those of us writing in newspapers must stop saying “illegal immigrants” and substitute the term “undocumented immigrants”. But I like Jay Leno’s term better: “undocumented Democrats.”
Here’s exciting news. NASA has requested a hundred million dollars for a plan to “lasso” an asteroid and pull it into an orbit close to the moon. Since there’s never been anyone better with a lasso, I suggest the rocket ship built to do this be called the “Will Rogers.” However, if you scoff at the idea of spending millions on a hair-brained scheme to round up an asteroid, I can understand why you may want it named after one of Will’s favorite horses: “Dopey.”

Historic quotes by Will Rogers: (on taxes)
 “The crime of taxation is not in the taking it, it’s in the way that it’s spent.” DT #1764, March 20, 1932
 “It costs ten times more to govern us than it used to, and we are not governed one-tenth as good.” DT #1770, March 27, 1932
“Here is New York City where all the money in the world is, and where every guy with a dollar is doing better than he was a year ago. (They say) ‘What’s this country coming to? This income tax is terrible.’ (and) ‘I am doing better than I have since ‘29, but when are we going to get back to the good old days?’ Well, the good old days (for) most of us was when we didn’t earn enough to pay an income tax.”  DT #2699, March 31, 1935
 “California is pawing the ground over a proposed State income tax. The kicks would carry more weight if we could get somebody to kick that didn’t have to pay it. Some of our patriotic citizens have offered to leave the State if it passes and the State may take ‘em up on it.” DT #2184, Aug. 3, 1933
 “Everybody says, ‘Where’s the money coming from that we’re spending’? Well, offhand, I’d say it’s coming from those that have got it.” Radio, April 7, 1935

COLUMBUS: For a while last week the war was going pretty smooth; gasoline dropped to $1.30. But tonight it was back up to $1.60, so perhaps our optimism was a bit too high.

We watch this war too much like a basketball game, where our whole disposition changes in an instant depending on who has the ball and who scored last. These folks saying the war should have been over in a week are the same ones that yelled at their microwave because it took more than two minutes to cook supper.

Give the Generals a chance to make a few mistakes, on both sides, and just wait and see who adjusts the best. The diplomats had this war all to themselves for 12 years, and you see what a mess they made of it. You can’t expect the marines to clean it up in 12 days.

A week or so ago I was over in Lewis County, West Virginia. I went to a pancake and sausage supper Saturday night, all you could eat, with butter and maple syrup. It was held at Horner, in an old historic school building, one with 2 classrooms at the front and a slightly bigger room at the back with a stage at one end so it could be used as an auditorium or lunchroom or even a small gym in a pinch. They had live bluegrass and gospel music, and I want you New Yorkers to hear this, a ticket to the whole shebang was only $4.00.

Nobody could ask for more freedom than that.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers: (on the value of an Air Force)

“If we were told tomorrow that the future and the safety of our country depended on football and athletics, why everybody the whole country over would be out practicing and all excited about it. But when any sane person absolutely knows that the success of the next war is in the air, why they just drag along and think somebody is kidding ’em.” WA #227, April 17, 1927

“I tell you any experiment that is being made in the air is not a waste of time or money. Our defense (and) offense have got to come from the air.” WA #492, May 29, 1932