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The election is finally over. It did not end in a tie. And as it turned out, Ohio, Florida and Virginia did not matter. Wow, look at the millions of dollars and days of campaigning they all wasted there.

President Obama was reelected by a huge margin in the Electoral College by folks that want four more years like the last four. It seems that a lot of men and women who don’t have a full time job and are on food stamps have kinda gotten used to it and voted to keep it that way. With that attitude, who can fault ‘em for not taking a chance on Romney.

Mitt Romney was gracious in defeat and John Boehner said the Republicans are willing to work with the president to raise revenue if they can reduce expenditures. President Obama said he has a pen ready to sign a bill to raise tax rates, but didn’t say anything about budget cuts.

The Republicans are in deep trouble and I have a suggestion, if they choose to accept it. See, young single women voted overwhelmingly for the Democrat. Men, including young ones, voted for the Republican. Married women voted for the Republican. So, the future of the entire Republican Party depends on persuading these young successful Republican men to marry young Democratic women and convert ‘em.

In California they voted to raise taxes because they’re $55 Billion in the hole. Can’t wait to check back in four years to see what the number is. No matter how much they take in, that bunch in Sacramento will figure out a way to spend it all.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:
“We ought to split this country up, anyhow.  Let the Republicans have the East, and then let ’em run it just like they want to.  And then the Democrats take the West.
If a person wants to be a Republican, why let him go east, and if he wants to be a Democrat, why come west.
It’s got some possibilities at that.  I know a lot of you will say, “We must preserve the Union.”  Well,  the Union is over preserved right now. It’s pretty near pickled.
Of course  the Republicans would have all the money, but the Democrats would have all the fun.
If the country split that would naturally do away with the national debt.  Both sides would start in owing nothing.  And the Republicans would perhaps continue the same way, but the Democrats, it wouldn’t take them long to dig up a deficit.
And then the Democrats could take whatever they’re using for money, and they could inflate or do anything they wanted to with it.  And the Republicans, who say we should never have gone off the gold, well, if they had their own country they could go back on it if they want to.
I can’t picture, personally, a more ideal existence all around.  The only trouble would be neither one would be happy because they wouldn’t have nobody to lay anything on to. So I doubt if the plan will ever get very far, because this is not a time for common sense.”  Radio, June 9, 1935

Nov. 4, 2012

CLAREMORE, Okla.: If you think we spend too much on Presidential election campaigns, I read that we doled out $2.6 Billion for Halloween candy. That compares to about $2.0 Billion for Romney and Obama. (And it seems like $1 Billion of that was TV ads in Ohio.)

We still don’t know who will win Ohio. But Oklahoma made up their mind months ago. In fact the Tulsa World today wrote that most Oklahomans “made up their minds about Barrack Obama four years ago”, and nothing he has done since has “remotely tempted a change of heart.”

Since Ohio is supposed to decide the general election, why not let ‘em decide the primary too. It’s just common sense. Ohio can hold a primary in November 2015, then the other states, like Iowa and New Hampshire, will know who to vote for in theirs. Ohio can even hold a meaningless straw poll in July, maybe during the State Fair so the candidates can fit right in with the corndogs, clowns and carnival barkers.

Of course this is just my idea; I haven’t discussed it with anyone in Ohio. They may be less enthusiastic and say, “We just finished months of political bombardment, and you want us to wake up the day after the election with a dozen candidates for 2016 knocking on the front door?”

You may know that today, Nov. 4, is my 133rd birthday, and that’s why I’m in Claremore. Oklahoma spent the last four days celebrating it, probably just as an excuse to eat more cake. I was in the parade Saturday afternoon; it went down Will Rogers Blvd., across Route 66, past the old Will Rogers Hotel and the Claremore Daily Progress, ending at the Baptist church. We crossed 4 or 5 railroads and didn’t lose a single float to a train. I walked along behind a passel of politicians riding in a dozen convertibles. I joked with folks along the parade route, “Following all these politicians, I’ve got to be careful not to step in something.” I was carrying a lasso but what I needed was a scoop shovel.
You might ask, “Weren’t there any horses in the parade?” Yes, but they were behind me. You can’t blame the horses.
Right in front of me was a delightful District Attorney and she had five pretty girls walking along handing out candy. For a while I was taking credit, saying they were doing it for me, not her. Then I asked one of ‘em, “Exactly what is it you are giving these voters to impress ‘em?” She reached in her plastic bag and pulled out a handful, “Suckers and Dum Dums.” Gee, there’s no way that could insult their intelligence.
Of course, I’m kidding. I know personally most of these folks; they’re mayors of local towns like Oologah and Catoosa, the Rogers County sheriff, Cherokee council members, and they get along fine. Now, if any of ‘em decide to run for Governor or Senator or even President, they might get feisty.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:
“It’s going to be mighty hard next Wednesday after it’s over to tell which one to congratulate. If this depression stays with us, the loser Tuesday is going to be the winner.”  DT #1951, Nov. 4, 1932

COLUMBUS: Hurricane Sandy is raising havoc along our east coast. As I write this on Sunday night, folks from North Carolina to Maine and as far west as Ohio are expected to get clobbered. Damage could add up to way over a Billion dollars.

President Obama canceled some campaign trips to stay in Washington and take charge of the  hurricane response. Unlike September 11, he took quick action. He ordered federal employees in Washington to stay home Monday.

If this storm causes as much damage and long term interruption to civilization as predicted, some folks are saying that the election could be affected, maybe even postpone it. If they delayed the election a couple of weeks, we might even know the details of the storm that hit Benghazi before voting.

Here in Ohio, pollsters say the election is dead even. Romney and Ryan have set up a base camp for the rest of the campaign. They may sneak out to Wisconsin or Iowa for a quick visit, but you can bet they’ll zip back here before they are missed.

Our Columbus Dispatch newspaper says the battle for Ohio boils down to coal miners vs. car makers. The coal miners think Obama wants to eliminate their jobs, and the united auto workers say Romney wanted GM and Chrysler to go bankrupt. The President has an advantage because unemployment is lower here, and gasoline dropped fifty cents this month. The gas and oil drillers have tapped into untold millions of dollars worth of energy.

I’m heading to Oklahoma this Thursday, just to get away from all the campaigning. Voters there made up their minds early and therefore avoided the annoyance of all the ads.  I’ll fill ‘em in on what they have been missing. Shucks, half of ‘em may have forgot who’s running.

The World Series is over. Even though the Detroit Tigers finally learned how to hit and score a couple of runs, they were swept in four straight by the San Francisco Giants.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“Well, it won’t be long now… If the boys haven’t corralled the votes by now, why they just as well figure that the ones that are out yet are out for the money. The (voters) that haven’t decided by now are waiting for the best offer. From now on till Tuesday is where dough counts. You don’t win these late deciders by arguments. You got to lay it on the line for them. They have all, perhaps, collected from one side already and are laying for the other one… I guess it’s been what they call a clean campaign. A clean campaign is one where each side cleans the other of every possible vestige of respectability.” WA #515, Nov. 6, 1932
 “Neither one of ’em is going to save us. Neither one is going to ruin us. Should Mr. Hoover [Obama ?] lose, I don’t think there is a person that wouldn’t feel downright sorry for him, for he certainly has meant well and did all he could, and I expect it won’t be long till we will be feeling just as sorry for Roosevelt [Romney ?]. This President business is a pretty thankless job.”  DT #1951, Nov. 4, 1932

COLUMBUS: It’s a lot easier to criticize the record of a President who has been in there for four years than it is to complain about the plans proposed by a new candidate. Mr. Obama did it in 2008, and, for you old-timers, so did Roosevelt in 1932.

We have Obamacare, and the President says he likes that word.  Then he invented a new word: Romnesia. In case you haven’t figured it out, it means Mr. Romney has forgotten the conservative stands he took a few months ago during the primaries. Don’t be surprised if  “Romnesia” becomes a common word for any forgotten or ignored political stand or promise.

The only problem for Obama is that Romney may remind him of a few things he said in the past that he conveniently ignored.

Gov. Romney has talked endlessly about tax cuts. He says they will be offset with the loss of some deductions but he’s kinda sketchy on which ones. If he said he wants to eliminate the mortgage deduction he will lose support of construction workers and bankers. State taxes? That would lose voters in high-tax states. Charitable donations? Solar and wind tax credits? Actually the only deduction a voter would gladly give up is one they don’t use.

Most people doubt he can cut spending enough to balance the budget, even with a binder full of women working on it, and even if he pays each of these women as much as a man.
Threatening to cut public TV funding could cause Big Bird to build a nest in Romney’s hair. (Would that be a Romnest?)

Mr. Romney is losing the votes of young single women because he does not understand them. What could he know about young women, he’s got 5 sons.

He wants to cut down on the 47 million surviving on food stamps, but he does not point out the ones he wants to eat on their own.

Well, I read today that some people in other states are tired of Ohio getting all the attention in this election. If you are one of those people, on behalf of all Ohioans I apologize. We will gladly trade you the endless commercial interruptions, phone calls, junk mail, doorbell ringing, and blocked traffic for motorcades. Fortunately, this long Ohio nightmare will end November 6. Next up: Lame duck Congress. That will hit all 50 states.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“No country ever had more, and no country ever had less. Ten men in our country could buy the world, and ten million can’t buy enough to eat.” WA #451, Aug. 16, 1931
“(Both candidates) would like to live in the White House. And in order to get in there they will promise the voters anything from perpetual motion to eternal salvation.”  DT#709, Nov. 4, 1928
“It don’t take near as good a man to be a candidate as it does to hold the office. That’s why we wisely defeat more than we elect.” Life magazine,  May 31, 1928
“The Senate passed a bill appropriating 15 million for food, but the House of Representatives has not approved it. They said no. They seem to think that’s a bad precedent, to appropriate money for food… They think it would encourage hunger.” DT#1391,  Jan. 7, 1931
 “I know what voters do in regard to their stomachs. They go to the polls and if it’s full, they keep the guy in that’s already in. And if the old stomach is empty, they vote to chuck him out.” Saturday Evening Post,  March 30, 1929

Once in a while even a comedian gets it right. Last week I said, “Lord knows what you’ll hear from Biden.”  I meant it as a joke, not a prediction. But in the debate the Vice-President kept laughing, smirking, smiling, interrupting, and laughing some more.

Regular readers, all three of you, know I try to keep this commentary pretty even keel. But this week the Democrats are going to catch the brunt of my little jabs. (Next week I’ll concentrate on digging up dirt on Republicans, which should not be difficult.)

I know President Bush was criticized after the 9/11/2001 attack that killed 3000. But within a few hours he knew it was the work of Osama bin Laden and al-Qaida. So how is it that on 9/11/2012 our ambassador to Libya gets killed, and it took the President a week or two to get an inkling of who did it? Oh, did I tell you a person at the State Dept. watched the attack, live, on security cameras? Did Secretary of State Clinton try to keep it a secret? Where did UN Ambassador Rice get her information?

Diplomacy is dominating the President’s folks. Do you know what diplomacy is? Will Rogers said, “Diplomacy was invented by a man named Webster to use up all the words in his dictionary that didn’t mean anything… A diplomat is a man that tells you what he don’t believe himself, and the man he is telling it to don’t believe it any more than he does… A diplomat has a hundred ways of saying nothing.”

Whenever anybody associated with the President was asked about the killing of our ambassador, you’ve never heard more hemming and hawing. Here’s some examples:
Question: When did President Obama learn that the attack was by Islamic terrorists? “We are investigating a report from the State Department. They think maybe a bunch of devout Muslims were watching a disgusting anti-Mohammad movie at a Benghazi drive-in, and it made ‘em so mad, before it was over they drove over to the American Consulate and started shooting.”  Well, where were the Libyan guards hired to protect the Ambassador? “Those WERE the guards.”
Question: When did Mr. Obama discuss it with Mr. Biden? Isn’t he a Foreign Affairs expert? “Shhh, we still haven’t told Joe. He was too busy practicing for the debate.” How was he preparing? “He mainly watched re-runs of Laugh-In. And some stand-up comics on HBO.”
Question: Why wasn’t our ambassador better protected? “He had as many guards as we could afford. After the House Republicans cut our budget for guards, we had to bring some home for more important duties.” More important duties? “Yes, for example, protecting those of us who the President assigns to answer reporters’ questions. You know, I could get hit by a shoe. With a spike heel.”

The President appointed a new ambassador to Libya. I wonder how many Marines they sent to protect him. Hope it is more than Mr. Stevens had.

The three R’s are all necessary for getting through school, but getting through this presidential campaign takes more ‘rithmetic than readin’ or ritin’. We’re getting hit with so many numbers you’ve got to be a mathematician to keep from getting buried up to your neck, and maybe deeper.

In the first debate, Mr. Romney said he will lower tax rates on our wealthiest taxpayers, but they will still pay as much as they do now, and the deficit will not go up. Mr. Obama said he has studied the Republican plan and concluded the debt would go up by $5 Trillion under Romney. So in this simple addition and subtraction problem the Democrats and Republicans are only $5 Trillion apart in their answer. No one knows who’s right. But Romney is a businessman so he should know his numbers. On the other hand, who knows more about adding $5 Trillion to the debt than Obama.

Then President Obama says he has a plan to raise taxes on the wealthy which will reduce the debt by $4 Trillion. So does this mean the difference between the two candidates is $9 Trillion in debt? Maybe. Oh, I forgot to tell you these economic projections are for ten years, not four. Neither one will be around in ten years to accept the credit, even if they’re right.

It’s ludicrous to think anyone can accurately predict that one tax plan will increase debt by $5 Trillion by 2022, while another plan will reduce it by $4 Trillion. I bet if you asked ‘em, these economists would admit they can’t even predict next month, let alone ten years.

Then along came the jobs report that said unemployment dropped from 8.1% to 7.8% in one month. That’s good news; sure beats going up. Well, exactly how many new jobs were created to give a rosy picture? One report said 115,000. Another from the same department said 873,000. Let’s see… that’s a difference of only 758,000 jobs.

Next up is the Vice-Presidential debate. You’ll hear a lot of numbers from Paul Ryan. Lord knows what you’ll hear from Biden. No, really, Joe Biden has been around Washington a long time and he’ll use that experience to mount a good defense of the last four years and raise questions about Gov. Romney.

The Biden-Ryan debate will be at Centre College, in Danville, Kentucky.   You never know what to expect when you get to Danville. Will Rogers wrote, in 1926, that he saw a sign painted in huge white letters on a brick warehouse near the depot, “Centre College 6, Harvard 0, 1921.” He added, “what a kick I got out of that!.. the wonderful football team called the Praying Colonels. When the football team left for Harvard to play they didn’t have any substitutes. They couldn’t have any. They didn’t have any more students. The team WAS the student body… eleven players and a coach (went) up there and beat a wonderful institution like Harvard who brought a football off the Mayflower with them!”
[Note: In 2006, ESPN named it the third-biggest upset in the 138-year history of college football.]

The first Presidential debate is Wednesday night. I hope we get them talking TO each other instead of talking ABOUT each other. We’ve heard plenty of low-down nasty accusations on television. Whether there’s an inkling of truth in ‘em doesn’t seem to matter. Win the election, apologize later if forced to.

The debate lasts 90 minutes. Maybe Romney will have time to explain which deductions and tax breaks he will reduce or eliminate to make up for a lower tax rate. Naturally, his tax proposals can’t go into effect till they got through Congress. And he could talk about what government actions he’ll can take to get businesses to hire 250,000 workers every month.

Maybe President Obama will explain why he blamed the Muslim terrorist attacks on a video. Also, what would he change about his economic plan since it is still a mess.  Franklin Roosevelt had some advice that might work for him, “There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still. Take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly, and try another.”

You may remember a few weeks ago I “arranged” a debate between former presidents Calvin Coolidge and Franklin D. Roosevelt. Here are two questions you might hear Wed. night, and some answers our 2012 candidates might consider.
Moderator: What is the proper role of religion in America? In our government?
FDR: “I am a Christian and a Democrat, that’s all. Whoever seeks to set one religion against another seeks to destroy all religion… Physical strength can never permanently withstand the impact of spiritual force. ”
Coolidge: “Our government rests upon religion. It is from that source that we derive our reverence for truth and justice, for equality and liberality, and for the rights of mankind. Unless the people believe in these principles they cannot believe in our government.”

Moderator: What about the national debt?  To reduce trillion dollar deficits, do you favor more taxes on the wealthy?
Coolidge: “Don’t expect to build up the weak by pulling down the strong… Wealth comes from industry and from the hard experience of human toil. To dissipate it in waste and extravagance is disloyalty to humanity… There is no dignity quite so impressive, and no independence quite so important, as living within your means.”
FDR: “Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay…The test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance of those who have much; it is whether we provide enough for those who have little.”

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“They have both called each other everything in the world they can think of.” DT #1948, Nov. 1, 1932
 “Both sides just spent the whole summer hunting up things to cuss the other side on. That the other side might be right in a lot of things never entered their head, in fact they wouldn’t let it enter it.” WA #514, Oct. 30, 1932

Newspaper headline says, “Incomes in DC region defy trends.”  Seven of the ten counties with the highest incomes surround Washington, DC. Did I miss something? Is Washington a major manufacturing center? Did Apple and Microsoft move there? Is that area known for highly productive workers?

Maybe we would be better off as a country if seven of the top ten counties were around Detroit, or Pittsburgh, or Des Moines. Jobs and high incomes should go to people who produce, not the ones who live off the taxes paid by ones who produce. About six weeks ago I suggested that if the price of a house in the region around Washington dropped a third like it has in other areas, that would be a good indication the country is headed in the right direction.

In Libya the majority of Muslims are so fed up with the radical Islamists who murdered our ambassador they attacked their headquarters and ran them out of town. Kinda like the old Western towns of 150 or so years ago, the town folk banded together and got rid of the riffraff that kept shooting up the place. Let’s encourage these peace-loving Muslims to band together and rid the world of the radicals who are living a hundred years behind civilization.

The President finally realized what the rest of us knew for days. The September 11attack in Libya was planned, not spontaneous. They can blame a third rate amateur movie about Mohammed for enraging the Islamic world, but terrorists don’t need any new excuses to start shooting. They’re still mad about incidents that happened a few hundred years ago. And speaking of bad movies, Hollywood has put out quite a few movies that could cause a legitimate protest, mainly by those who paid to see ‘em.

Congress left town without passing a “Farm Bill.” (Actually 80 percent of the farm bill appropriation goes for food stamps, not to farmers.) But don’t worry. Farmers won’t stop harvesting crops or milking cows or feeding hogs and chickens on October 1. They may complain to each other about a do-nothing Congress, but they won’t go on strike. And those food stamp debit cards will continue to pay for food the same as cash.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“History does not record as terrible a place as Washington is now. It is under government control, and if we can’t do anything with it, what kind of example are we setting for other cities?”

“Washington, DC, has an underground tunnel running from the government offices to the Capitol. That’s so when Senators and Congressmen receive their checks every month, they can get to their homes without someone arresting them for robbery.”

“No nation can tell another nation what they need to defend themselves. If I sleep with a gun under my pillow, I don’t want somebody from across the street to “advise me that I don’t need it.” DT #1913, Sept. 21, 1932

The Administration announced that the murder of our Ambassador and 3 others in Libya on Sept. 11 was the result of a “spontaneous” protest. Sure, it was spontaneous in the same way thousands of men with guns suddenly appear in the woods the first day of deer season.

Al Qaeda is behind the embassy attack in Egypt and other Muslim countries. They even taunted us with signs that read, “Obama, we’re all Osamas.”  Of course we know that 1.5 billion Muslims are not all radical Islamists like Osama bin Laden. It sure would help if 1.499 billion wonderful peace-loving followers of the Islam faith would rise up and take out the terrorists.

I think our Marines protecting diplomats in Muslim countries should have bullets in their guns. And the guns given to new Afghan trainees should have blanks.

The Federal Reserve Board met and Ben Bernanke announced he will start up the old   printing press again. Ben is pretty much telling folks to take their money out of banks and CDs, and buy something with it before the price goes up. The 0.25% interest they might give you on a saving account won’t be enough to buy groceries and sure won’t keep up with inflation.  Or invest your savings in something risky, just trying to keep ahead of the printing press.

Bernanke intends to print $40 Billion in new money every month. In four years that could add up close to $2 Trillion. If you did it, you would be jailed for counterfeiting.

The Chicago teachers union is on strike for a 30% raise even though they already make twice as much as the families in the city. And they object to having their performance in school count for anything. With that philosophy, no wonder the students don’t bother to learn. The union is taking a big risk by staying off the job a second week. Kids who stay home with their parents are learning more than they did in school. When they finally agree on a new contract, the high school teachers will read it to their students – because so few of their students can read. And apparently, neither can a couple of the teachers.

I heard that Congress is on vacation again. But how can you tell?

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“There is two things that can disrupt business in this country. One is war, and the other is a meeting of the Federal Reserve.”  DT #837, Apr. 2, 1929

“There is very little dignity, very little sportsmanship, or very little anything in politics. It’s only: Get the Job and Hold It!” DT #1949, Nov. 2, 1932

Finally, the political conventions are over and America can concentrate on what really matters – football.
The Republicans had their peculiar episode when Clint Eastwood talked to an empty chair. The Democrats countered by removing God and Jerusalem from their Platform, then trying to put ‘em back in. First, Mayor Villaraigosa called for a voice vote three times and each time got as many “No” votes as “Aye” votes. Regardless, he declared the amendment passed. Half the delegates booed.
Here’s the Democrats’ mistake. When you have a vote where you know the result you want, have it run by a mayor from Chicago, not Los Angeles. A Chicago mayor’s roots go back to Al Capone and Bugs Moran, so here’s how he would have conducted the vote: “Delegates, we’re gonna put God back in the platform and it requires a two-to-one Yes vote. If you plan to vote “Yes”, good for you. If you even think about voting “No”, be prepared for an iron pipe to touch up your kneecaps. And we would not want television cameras to show any of you nice folks hobbling out of here on crutches. All in favor, say Aye. (Loud response.) All opposed, say No. (Dead silence.) The amendment passed unanimously.” Now, THAT’S how they vote in Chicago.
Wednesday night Bill Clinton gave a rousing speech. On Thursday night, folks figured President Obama might endorse the Clinton economic plan. But he didn’t. Instead he offered a “better path.”  That may sound encouraging to you but for us old country folks who grew up with “four rooms and a path”, we want running water and flush toilets, not a better path. Obama reminded us of Franklin Roosevelt’s challenge ending the Great Depression, implying that we might have to elect him to four terms.
On Friday, the jobs report came out. The good news was that unemployment dropped from 8.3 to 8.1%. The bad news was that 368,000 folks gave up and stopped looking for work. So if President Obama does the arithmetic as Bill Clinton suggested, he will work hard the next month or two getting unemployment under 8% by persuading another 368,000 to drop out.
Of course, this is all silly. But no sillier or outrageous than what you will hear in speeches and commercials the next two months. Who’s ready for some football?

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“I tell you, if we got just one-tenth of what was promised to us in either the Democratic or Republican acceptance speech, there wouldn’t be any inducement to want to go to heaven.”  1928
“Now that the Conventions are over and I sit and think of the amount of applesauce and hooey that was spilled there, you wonder that we are even doing as well as we are as a nation.”  1932