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The Republicans held another debate. The ten candidates in the prime time debate spent as much time debating the three moderators as they did debating each other. The candidates agreed on one thing: every one of them would be a better president than Hillary Clinton. Actually they agreed on another thing: Hillary would get the vote of all 3 CNBC moderators. That debate was on the same time as a World Series baseball game. As Will Rogers said in October 1928, “My idea of the height of conceit would be a political speaker that would go on the air when the World Series is on.” (DT #683)

The Republicans have another debate next week, on Fox Business Network. They are expecting better questions. The viewers are hoping for better answers, at least answers that can help separate the herd of candidates.

The three remaining Democrat candidates have another debate four days later on CBS. The most intriguing question is this: Will Sanders and O’Malley really take on Clinton, or will they take it easy on her?

None of these candidates has to be concerned about the World Series. The Kansas City Royals won tonight, beating the New York Mets 4 games to 1. They came from behind to win, which gives a glimmer of hope to most of the lagging candidates. It also shows that a New Yorker can be beat.

In Congress, the Republicans finally agreed on Paul Ryan as Speaker of the House. John Boehner shed a few tears as he handed over the gavel and headed home to Ohio. Ryan assured his family he will spend weekends at home playing with the kids… and hunting deer.

The economy continues to limp along, but it’s better here than about any other country you can name. Our big retailers are hoping folks finally decide to spend the money they have been saving with cheap gasoline. Up to now, these drivers have been paying old bills instead of taking on new credit.

You probably know about the tragedy a week ago in Stillwater, Oklahoma. At the homecoming parade at Oklahoma State University, a woman drove her car into the crowd, killing four and injuring dozens. This was Will Rogers’ favorite college, then known as Oklahoma A & M. On Feb. 5, 1931, Will spoke at the school. Here are comments he wrote about it in his newspaper columns. “(I spoke) at the best agricultural school in America, Oklahoma A and M. Their cattle win all the shows, and their (students) win all the judging contests. It’s not a raccoon coat college… I had a nephew graduate from there and he has turned out mighty good, and it’s a great school.”

Did you watch the Benghazi Committee interview Hillary Clinton? Who do you think came out ahead?

Chances are, if you’re a Democrat the clear winner was the former Secretary of State. She was calm, responded to all inquiries, could not be rattled by blatantly unfair questions, and looked Presidential.

If you’re a Republican, Hillary lost, big time. She was oblivious to repeated pleas by Ambassador Stevens for more protection, misled the public about the cause of the attack, and lied to the families of the four murdered Americans.

If you’re the FBI…well, we’ll have to wait awhile for their opinion. The FBI works behind closed doors, not on live television. They are still recovering deleted files from the email server in the Clinton basement. The main question for the FBI: did she have classified documents on an unprotected server?

One thing that both Republicans and Democrats agree on is that Hillary Clinton is a liar. Republicans keep pounding on the lies; more than half of the American public calls her a liar; and Democrats say, “So what?”

Meanwhile, the Justice Department investigating the IRS says that Lois Lerner’s treatment of conservative non-profit organizations was a result of poor judgement, mismanagement, and perhaps incompetence, but it was not a crime. To use the President’s words, there was not a smidgen of evidence against her.

Republicans debate for the third time Wednesday night. They still have 14 candidates, although four of them will be relegated to the preliminary round. It might be fun to count the number of lies told by the 14. The next Democratic debate will be Nov. 14 in Iowa. They are down to three candidates, so there are lecterns available for any worthy Democrats who want to battle it out with Clinton, Sanders, and O’Malley.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“Many a politician wishes there was a law to burn old records.” DT #627, July30, 1928

“If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.” WA # 31, July 15, 1923

The Democrats held their first Presidential debate. They rounded up five candidates, but only Senator Sanders and Hillary Clinton drew much attention.

It was not much of a debate. They mainly battled over who could give away the most free stuff to the most people. Free college tuition, free health care for non-citizens, free family leave when you have a baby. Any discussion of how to pay for all the free stuff was put off until the next debate.

Late in the debate the moderator asked Clinton about her email server (which the FBI is still recovering classified emails from). But Sanders interrupted, “We’re all sick and tired of hearing about her emails.” The audience erupted in wild applause and the moderator dropped the topic. However, the FBI has not dropped it.

Because Mrs. Clinton served four years under President Obama, she was asked if she would be like a “third term of the Obama Administration.” She said, “Of course not. I’m different. I’m a woman.”

Senator Sanders made it pretty clear that if Hillary Clinton becomes President, he wants her to name him Ambassador to Denmark.

Hillary Clinton is back on the big stage again this Thursday, at the House Select Committee on Benghazi. Chairman Trey Gowdy will interview her about what she was doing before and during the Islamic terrorist attack that killed Ambassador Stevens and three other Americans in Libya. Of course, we already know what she was doing for a week or two after the attack: she was blaming the four deaths on a spontaneous riot by local citizens who got really mad after watching a controversial video. That committee interrogation will draw a lot of viewers, but no one will be paying closer attention than Vice-President Joe Biden.

Over in Syria, President Obama has welcomed Russia’s assistance in defeating ISIS. See, we’re over there helping some rebels go up against the Syrian dictator Assad, who has already killed about 250,000 of his own people, and we’re helping them fight ISIS at the same time. So our President was thrilled when Putin offered to help. He didn’t even mind when Putin invited Iran to send in thousands of soldiers to help also. You may remember that Obama said that Putin is weak. Now President Obama is poking fun at Putin’s army, “They can’t shoot straight. They aim their guns and cruise missiles at ISIS troops, yet their aim is so bad they keep hitting our friends who are fighting Assad. It’s hilarious.”

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

          “The American custom is that when you can’t beat a man at anything, why the last straw is to debate him.” Life magazine, Aug. 9, 1928

“If I wanted to start an insane asylum that would be 100 percent cuckoo, I would just admit applicants that thought they knew something about Russia.” DT #1291, Sept. 14, 1930

In case you haven’t heard, Congress is a mess. John Boehner wants to retire as House Speaker but they can’t find anyone to replace him, at least no one the Republicans can agree on. For the sake of the country and to preserve the Union, I’m willing to sacrifice any honor and good will garnered over the years of poking fun at those folks that inhabit the old joke factory.

Therefore, I am prepared in these turbulent times to succumb to a “Draft Will Rogers for Speaker” campaign.
Yes, Daniel Webster is a candidate. Daniel Webster?  He must be two hundred years old.  Some folks want to draft young Paul Ryan but he says being Speaker would take too much time away from his small children. (In 2012 he actually wanted to be Vice-President, which gives you an idea how strenuous that job must be.)  So I’m your compromise candidate, not too old, not too young.

For years folks have asked me, “Where do you get your humorous material?” I tell ‘em, I just watch Congress and report the facts. Don’t even have to exaggerate. Well, there couldn’t possibly be a better spot to collect the hilarious comments from those 435 birds than to sit in the seat of the Speaker and take notes.

You probably know my statue is in the Capitol hallway positioned to keep an eye on the House. They walk by every day, usually ignoring my learned wisdom. They stop and talk to the TV cameras right in front of me, with me smiling at ‘em over their shoulder. They act like I’m not even there.  Well, if elected I’m gonna move my statue up there beside the Speaker chair. They can’t ignore my homely stare when I’m in front of them 24/7.

I don’t have enough dough to influence any member of Congress. So I’ll just hand each one a small but meaningful gift of chocolate.  A friend in Delaware molds chocolate in the shape of gears. How’s that for a winning symbol? Rogers can get the wheels of Congress turning again! The gears in their transmission aren’t meshing; they’re grinding.  I’ll get the gears synchronized, running smooth, well oiled.  If I order a few hundred of those chocolate gears, I bet I could impose on Joe Biden to bring ‘em to Washington. He goes home every weekend on Amtrak, and I bet he would do it. I met him once when I was invited to speak at a big Delaware agriculture dinner. Nice man, and funny.

I can get along with all varieties of Republicans. I know I can count on the full support of my Oklahoma Congressman Markwayne Mullin. I’ve been around long enough to be considered Establishment. And I like Tea. Especially sweet tea. Even the Democrats would support me. For many years I used to say, “I’m not a member of any organized political party… I’m a Democrat.” Now it’s the Republicans who are desperate and in disarray.

I understand better than any other possible candidate that things in this country run in spite of government, not by aid of it.

I realize there is no shortage of comedy emanating from the House chamber. Mine will be the only intentional comedy. Any tears will be tears of joy.

Now I admit it would be quite a sacrifice to go to Washington. But I should not complain if the country needs me until common sense prevails after the 2016 election. And the Speaker does have a really nice office.

On Monday, NASA announced there is water on Mars. On Tuesday, the EPA announced they have jurisdiction over all waters on or under the surface of Mars. (From now on WOTUS will be WOTUS&M.) On Wednesday, the Sierra Club said they would oppose drilling any wells on Mars because of the slight chance they might strike oil.

Speaking of oil, do you remember this news announcement in 1975? The government agency in charge of oil said that in 40 years (meaning 2015), the U.S. would run out of crude oil. And not only the U.S., but the whole world would have pumped the last barrel of oil from the last well on Earth.

That 1975 prediction was followed by a government rule that prohibited any crude oil from being exported. You can’t blame ‘em; no Congressman wants to let a precious, scarce commodity slip out of the country.

A few Senators from oil country are writing a bill to allow us to export crude oil again. Since President Obama allowed Iran to start exporting again, we are the only country forced to consume all our oil.

Imagine if we had a law that prevented farmers from exporting corn, soybeans, wheat, almonds, oranges or any other agriculture product. Either farmers would have to idle half their farmland, or we would have to eat twice as much. Neither option is a pretty sight: barren land, or bulging waistlines.

Hillary Clinton finally reached a decision on the Keystone XL Pipeline. She sided with President Obama, saying that if she is elected president any crude oil from Canada will have to come into this country by railcar, tanker truck or barrels in the back of a pickup. After the announcement she flew to her next campaign speech on a private jet. Probably solar powered.

Well, we had another school shooting. It was at a college where no guns are allowed. Have you noticed, these mass murderers pay no more attention to a sign that says “Gun Free Zone” than deer do to a sign that says “Deer Crossing.”

Over in Syria, Russia jumped into the war. Putin and Obama had a meeting but they could not agree on which enemy to bomb. Obama thinks Putin is helping us bomb ISIL targets. Putin says he is bombing ISIL, but is actually bombing our friends in Syria. Meanwhile our chief diplomat, John Kerry, met with Russia’s chief diplomat. They agreed on deconfliction. Do you know what that means? I don’t either. I doubt these two learned diplomats can define it. The best explanation I could find comes from Will Rogers: “Diplomacy was invented by Webster to use up all the words in his dictionary that didn’t mean anything.” (Saturday Evening Post, June 9, 1928)

The Federal Reserve met this week. They took one look at our sluggish economy and problems in China and Europe, and decided to keep interest rates at zero. The Fed has added four trillion “printing press” dollars into the economy, kept interest rates at zero for seven years, and our economy has barely budged.

The Federal Reserve has no faith in the economy. Fed Chair Janet Yellen sees that average family income fell 6 percent since 2007, more working age folks are not working, and two-thirds say they are unsatisfied with the economy. Yellen seems to be saying, “We’ve done all we can to overcome policies that diminish growth and take too much money out of private hands.”

One glimmer of hope is the official unemployment rate which is down to 5.1%. And families expect to spend about 5% more this year than last.

I think President Obama is hoping we don’t slip into another recession before Americans feel they have fully recovered from 2008.  The last thing he wants is a reminder that the Great Depression in the 1930s ended only with a war.

Pope Francis is visiting the U.S. after a day or two in Cuba to check out an economy after half a century of Communism. What will he think of our economy after two centuries of capitalism? He has always looked out for the poor and downtrodden, ones who have lost faith and lost hope. Lately he has come out against global warming. I don’t know what he will say in his speech to Congress on Thursday.  I doubt if he will endorse any presidential candidate, although Senator Sanders is sure to claim they share the same goals.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“There is 2 things that can disrupt business in this country. One is war and the other is a meeting of the Federal Reserve.” DT #837, Apr. 2, 1929

“Sell your house and lot this morning, for the Federal Reserve Board meets this afternoon.” DT #839, Apr. 4, 1929

Ohio folks, especially Republicans, are upset at President Obama for renaming a mountain in Alaska. For more than a hundred years the name of the highest mountain in North America has honored William McKinley, the 25th president who was born in Niles. But hundreds of years earlier, Alaska natives had named it Denali.

Rather than Ohio complaining, they should find another mountain to name. Only problem is the tallest “mountain” in Ohio is Campbell Hill, at 1550 feet. Changing it might annoy the Campbell family, and would be an embarrassment to McKinley.

China sent a fleet of warships to the Alaska coast while our president was visiting there. Obama tried to concentrate on his favorite threat, global warming, despite the military threat, “I can see Chinese warships from the top of Denali.” He didn’t really say that. But he could have.

Other former presidents appear to be safe from renaming. Instead of removing Andrew Jackson from the twenty-dollar bill, Obama decided to delete Alexander Hamilton from the ten. I doubt he would change Hoover Dam back to Boulder Dam. If the drought continues a few more years, there won’t be enough water behind it to fill a Las Vegas swimming pool.

On a local level can you imagine the anguish if he went to Oklahoma and renamed Rogers County to its original geographic name, Cooweescoowee?  It’s a good Cherokee name, but who wants to spell Cooweescoowee?

To balance out the president, maybe General Motors can rename one of their luxury vehicles. Call it the GMC Yukon McKinley.

Meanwhile in the 2016 Presidential campaign, Hillary Clinton claimed “I was not thinking a lot when I got in” before setting up her own email server as Secretary of State. Actually, it was the opposite. The State Dept. already had a secure email system; she had to stop and think quite a bit to make a deliberate decision not to use it. She is pleading ignorance concerning classified documents. But in all her years in the White House and Senate (serving on the Armed Services committee) she should have learned how to recognize classified, top secret messages. Donald Trump admitted he does not know the names of the leaders of the Islamic terror groups, but insisted they would know him once he’s elected. “And if they don’t surrender within a week after I take office, they’ll be killed.” He didn’t really say that. But he could have.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“Tomorrow is Labor Day, I suppose by an act of Congress. Everything we do nowadays is either by or against acts of Congress. How Congress knew anything about labor is beyond us.”  DT #967, Sept. 1, 1929

“In a Lockheed Electra we scaled Mount McKinley… Bright sunny day and the most beautiful sight I ever saw.” DT #2816, Aug. 14, 1935

President Obama is spending a few days in Alaska. I don’t blame him, it’s beautiful in August. He’s mainly going there to speak against global warming. Global warming?  In Alaska?  Above the Arctic Circle?  Maybe he should return in February, go to Point Barrow and ask those folks if they object to their outdoor temperature perhaps rising a couple of degrees.

Apparently the President is going to tell Alaska to leave their oil and gold and copper in the ground. Just make your living moose hunting, salmon fishing and dogsled racing.

For oil, maybe Obama is doing Alaska a favor. Instead of selling it at $40 a barrel, hold it a few years till the China economy recovers, then sell it for $100.

The deal with Iran on nuclear bombs has been brewing the whole month of August. Two-thirds of Americans are against it, but so far the only ones in Congress they can persuade are Republicans and a handful of Democrats. It appears the Democrats will stick with the President and Secretary Kerry. Their negotiations will give Iran $150 billion, let them buy Russian long-range missiles, and keep four Americans in prison. Oh, Iran did promise to not work on a nuclear bomb for a while, but they insist on doing their own verification inspections.

The President is convinced his deal will keep Iran from building a nuclear weapon, at least until after he leaves office. What happens if Iran does develop a nuclear bomb in a few years? Well, he will claim that our next President and the hostile Republican Congress messed up the friendly relationship that he started with Iran’s Supreme Leader. He’ll say the majority of Americans who strongly oppose the agreement created such a negative atmosphere that Iranians continue to yell “Death to America” instead of loving us.

Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump continue to dominate the news on the 2016 race. Trump said he would not object to paying a bit more in taxes as long as rich Wall Streeters pay more and none of it goes to illegal immigrants. Hillary continues to evade discussing her email server (which she wiped clean, with a cloth) and claimed that Republican views of women are similar to those of terrorists in the Middle East.

An interesting poll asked for a one word description of the candidates. For Trump the top word was “Arrogant” and for Clinton it was “Liar.” Trump is likely proud to be called arrogant, and Hillary figures being labeled a liar won’t hurt her campaign. After all, Bill lied, and everyone knows that Iran is lying. President Obama was not exactly truthful about the affordable healthcare act and he got reelected.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

 “Rumor travels faster, but it don’t stay put as long as truth.” WA #65, March 9, 1924

“A diplomat is a (person) that tells you what he don’t believe himself, and the (person) he is telling it to don’t believe it any more than he does.” Saturday Evening Post, June 9, 1928

The Iowa State Fair is drawing a lot of attention this week, and not just for champion hogs, corn dogs and a butter cow. About a hundred candidates for President descended on the fairgrounds. Most arrived by automobile, but one literally descended, in a helicopter. Yes, it was Trump.

The one who got the most attention was Hillary Clinton. The FBI confiscated her infamous email server last week, months after she had it scrubbed clean. (She apparently did not want the public to see any video clips of her doing yoga exercises in her bedroom.)  She was asked again if her emails contained any classified documents. She denied receiving or sending any emails marked ‘Top Secret.’ Of course, the State Department has already identified five percent of a sample of her 30,000 emails as ‘Top Secret’.

She’s getting into a quite a bind; she was supposed to turn in the server the day she left office as Secretary of State in 2013. Well, that’s not exactly the truth; she was not supposed to use her private email server for government business. But she did anyway. Maybe she should recall a couple of things I wrote 85 years ago, “If what they call you is hitting at the truth and kinder getting you in your weak spot, why you start hollering and denouncing at once.” (DT #1370, Dec. 14, 1930); and “The truth can hurt you worse in an election than about anything that could happen to you,” (WA #470, Dec. 27, 1931)

If the FBI and Congress want to know what all was on her email server, they may have to call Vladimir Putin. According to Secretary Kerry, he probably has all her emails. For the right price, Putin might give ‘em up. He’ll probably insist on keeping the yoga videos.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

(Will Rogers died 80 years ago, Aug. 15, 1935, at Pt. Barrow, Alaska. Here are highlights from his final three daily newspaper articles.)

“This Alaska is a great country. If they can just keep from being taken over by the U.S. they got a great future.  (Fairbanks) is the greatest aviation-minded city of its size in the world. There is only 30,000 white people in Alaska and there is seventy commercial planes operating every day, in winter on skis… There may be some doubt about the Louisiana Purchase being a mistake, but when Seward in 1868 bought Alaska for $7,000,000 he even made up for what we had overpaid the Indians for Manhattan Island.” DT #2815, Aug. 13, 1935

(from Anchorage) “Well, we had a day off today and nothing to do, so we went flying with friend Joe Crosson, Alaska’s crack pilot, who is a great friend of Wiley’s, and Joe Barrows, another fine pilot. In a Lockheed Electra we scaled Mount McKinley, the highest one on the American Continent. Bright sunny day and the most beautiful sight I ever saw. Flew right by hundreds of mountain sheep, flew low over moose and bears down in the valley. Now out to visit Matamuska Valley, where they sent those 1935 model pioneers.” DT #2816, Aug. 14, 1935

(from Fairbanks) “Visited our new emigrants [the Matamuska Colony was set up to give a new start for destitute farm families, and continued to thrive into the 1970s]. Now this is no time to discuss whether it will succeed or whether it won’t, whether it’s farming country or whether it is not… As I see it, there is but one problem now that they are here, and that’s to get ‘em housed within six or eight weeks… it’s just a few weeks to snow and they have to be out of the tents… It’s houses they need right now… You know after all, there is a lot of difference in pioneering for gold and pioneering for spinach.” DT #2817, Aug. 15, 1935

The campaign for 2016 got serious this week as 17 Republicans debated in Cleveland.

Democrats gave themselves until October to round up enough candidates to hold their first debate on CNN. They are hoping Joe Biden will jump in the ring with Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders so they can draw over 20 million viewers like the Republicans did on Fox News.

Here’s a way to guarantee a big audience for the follow up debates: switch a few candidates. Just like major league baseball has interleague play, invite a couple of Republicans to join a Democrat debate. I suggest Carly Fiorina and Mike Huckabee. Then the Republicans can make room for Bernie Sanders and Martin O’Malley in their next debate. Is there anyone who wouldn’t like to see Sanders take on Trump, or Hillary and Carly battle it out on stage?

President Obama gave a speech on global warming and how the burning of fossil fuels has to be cut drastically. As I listened to his passionate plea to save the world from carbon dioxide, I assumed he was speaking in China. After all, China contributes more to global warming than Europe and the United States combined.

But, no, he was demanding that we shut down our coal-burning power plants and cut back on natural gas and oil consumption. He did, however, assure us that our bills for electricity, heating, food, and driving would go down, not up, as we switch to wind, solar and renewable fuels. I’m surprised he did not remind us of the economic prosperity enjoyed by all Americans when we previously relied mainly on wind, solar and renewable fuels. That was about 150 to 200 years ago. Yes, the good old days.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

(Will Rogers died 80 years ago, Aug. 15, 1935, at Pt. Barrow, Alaska. Here are highlights of his newspaper articles for Aug. 9, 10, and 12.)

“Bad weather. Not a plane mushed out of Juneau yesterday… Tourists are still arriving by the boatload. Mining activity everywhere. Not much news of Congress and what we do get is mostly bad. Guess it’s about the same down there.” DT #2812, Aug. 9, 1935

“Get your map out and look this up (Aklavik, Northwest Territory). The mouth of the Mackenzie River, right on the Arctic Ocean. Eskimos are thicker than rich men at a ‘Save the Constitution Convention.’ We are headed for famous Herschel Island in the Arctic. Old Wiley (Post) had to duck his head to keep from bumping it as we flew under the Arctic Circle.” DT #2813, Aug. 10, 1935

“We are sure having a great time. If we hear of whales or polar bears in the Arctic, or a big herd of caribou or reindeer we fly over and see it. Friday and Saturday we visited the old Klondike district, Dawson City, Bonanza, Eldorado. Say, there is a horse here, the furthest north of any horse, and he eats fish and travels on snowshoes.” DT #2814, Aug. 12, 1935