Category: Uncategorized

#439, January 22, 2007

COLUMBUS: Peculiar news this week. Snow and ice causing havoc down south in Texas and Oklahoma, while Minnesota is still green. The middle of Ohio got it’s first snow yesterday, three inches, hardly worth mentioning compared to Colorado.

Then the news from the Department of Agriculture. They announced that Nigeria bought 195,000 tons of wheat from us in the past year. That surprised me till I found out how they did it. Turns out it was an intense sales campaign where we flooded the country with 800 million emails.

Speaking of floods, how about the deluge of Presidential hopefuls. Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Bill Richardson, Mitt Romney, Sam Brownback, Tom Vilsack, John Edwards, Joe Biden, Rudy Giuliani, John McCain, Rosie O’Donnell, Dennis Kuchinich and a dozen others.

For the Presidential debates they’ll rent an auditorium. The voters will be on stage because candidates will fill all the seats. And that’s where the voters ought to be, on stage. A couple of candidates have announced their platforms: “Whatever YOU want, I want” and “I’m here to listen”. They’re listening all right, hoping to hear a good idea or two they can latch onto and claim as their own.

Candidates are jumping in, about one a day, but don’t think there’ll be three hundred running by the New Hampshire election. No, the pace will slow, and every time another jumps in, two or three will drop out. I may have picked the Colts and Bears to win, but I have no clue on which two candidates will be standing after the conventions.

Art Buchwald, the great humorist of the latter part of the 20^th Century, died last week. He died, but he delivered his own eulogy. I don’t blame him; after making a living off the foibles of politicians, there’s no telling what one of ’em might say over you once you’re gone.

Tuesday night the President will deliver the annual State of the Union address. If he talks more about making our own fuel from corn, soybeans and switch grass than he does the war in Iraq, it just goes to show you he is more optimistic about the farmers fueling our Fords than the Muslims. But you’ll know he’s plum nutty if he advises the best way for you to pay for health insurance is to play the lottery and respond to emails from Nigeria.

Historic quote from Will Rogers:

“Our President delivered his (State of the Union) message to Congress. You know that’s one of the things that his contract calls for… that is that every once in awhile he delivers a message to Congress to tell them the ‘Condition of the country.’ This message, as I say, is to Congress. The rest of the country knows the condition of the country, for they live in it and are a part of it. But the Senators and Congressmen, being in Washington all the time, have no idea what is going on in America. So the President has to tell ’em.” WA #371 February 2, 1930

#439, January 15, 2007

COLUMBUS: In Washington there’s already a change in the President’s plan to send 20,000 more troops to Iraq. He still intends to send 20,000, but they will be soldiers from Ethiopia.

Just returned from Iowa. I stayed in Des Moines at the Marriott, on the 29^th floor. That may come as a surprise to you East Coasters who figured the tallest thing in Iowa was corn. I opened the window curtains expecting to see halfway across the state, or at least as far as Ottumwa, and the view was blocked by two buildings across the street even taller.

Iowa inaugurated a new governor Friday, Chet Culver. He announced Iowa will become the “new energy capital of the world”. Iowa has been the food capital for years, and it’s time to move on to something Americans need and are willing to pay for. So he’s putting a hundred million dollars into building ethanol and soydiesel plants. He aims is to wean us off crude oil and reduce obesity at the same time.

Ohio’s new Governor Strickland took over last week also. The Iowa and Ohio governors both held their Inaugural Balls at their State Fairgrounds. But they had them decorated up so you would never recognize those old barns that are more often home to hogs, chickens and horses.

Ohio was overrun with candidates in 2004, and Iowa is bracing for an onslaught for the 2008 caucuses. At the Marriott they told me I was one of the few tourists to show up without Presidential ambitions.

Iowa is changing their image. There’ll be no more hay bales and pitchforks in sight when candidates hold a press conference. Spectators will have to wear a dress suit and shined shoes, and if they expect to ask a question they have to take elocution lessons in Shakespearean prose. I think the best plan would be to have the TV newscasters set up on the top floor of one of these Iowa skyscrapers with the camera pointed out the window, like they do in Washington.

The reason I was in Iowa was for a big No-Till farmer conference. There was over 700 of ’em from all over the country and they said if the Governor and the whole country want more corn for ethanol, we can grow it. And we won’t have to plow up more ground to do it.

Another state lost their Miss USA contestant. Donald Trump better hold a new contest every month or two; a whole year is too long for these pretty girls to hold off the boys.

The National Football League is down to four teams. Except for the other home teams, the country is pulling for the New Orleans Saints. I’ll go out on a limb and suggest the Chicago Bears will play the Indianapolis Colts in the Super Bowl. It’ll be the I-65 Battle.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“I just rushed in here from the football game. The Pros are playing here. You’d think the football season was over, but football isn’t started until they start playing it. So they’re out here playing today, the Chicago Bears is here. Red Grange was supposed to play a little bit, but he wasn’t in there before I left. But they didn’t show up as good as last year. Honest, today they played like college boys; you wouldn’t think they was paid for it at all.” Radio broadcast, January 13, 1935.

[note: for you young folks, this was not a Super Bowl game. The Bears played the Chicago Cardinals (now Arizona Cardinals) in a post-season exhibition game in Los Angeles.]

#438, January 8, 2007

COLUMBUS: While I was away we lost a President, hanged a Dictator, fired some coaches, and tonight crowned a new college football champion. The Florida Gators chewed up the Buckeyes of Ohio State, 41-14. That loss ended a long string of victories and put a damper on all the intended celebrations around here. When you give up 80 points in two games, you’re likely to lose at least one of ’em. Chris Leak played like a champion quarterback and his team and the SEC deserve the applause.

President Ford died at 93. One time in the 1920’s I said on the radio, “There ought to be a Ford in the White House, they’re everywhere else.” (Of course I was referring to my friend Henry Ford, and the fact that half the cars in the country were Model T Fords.) Henry never wanted to be President, and frankly neither did Gerald.

President Ford modestly said one time, “I’m a Ford, not a Lincoln.” Today, President Bush don’t claim to be a Lincoln either, but he hopes he has finally found his own General Grant. Only problem is Congress says, “Hold on, we’d prefer another McClellan.”

They put in a new rule to make Congressmen ethical. That’s the claim. They should have done it before they was elected, because it’s almost impossible to get one to reform after he’s in.

With this new rule, they’re not allowed to ride anywhere in a lobbyist’s airplane. That’ll have a big effect on corruption. Previously, they had to fly across the country or all over the world to collect their share of the corruption. That’s why they could only spare 2 or 3 days a week for work. From now on, all imaginable corruption will be available right there within walking distance of the Capitol, at least as long as the Democrats are in.

The Lobbyists new slogan is, “Why fly when you can walk.”

Congress announced they would work 5 days a week and pass all important bills in the first 100 hours. See, that leaves ’em plenty of time for walking around Washington, and by Groundhog Day they can all go home. Or to New Hampshire.

Oklahoma was big in the news on January 1. The Rose Bowl Parade in Pasadena kinda highlighted Oklahoma for celebrating 100 years of statehood in 2007. The state rounded up a couple of floats, some of our best singers, and horsemen to entertain the crowds. There was even a fellow about 20 feet tall on one of the floats that looked a lot like me, except he was all covered with flower petals, including the lasso, so it maybe coulda been Tom Mix or Gene Autry.

A few hours later that grand birthday celebration was cut short when the University of Oklahoma lost in the Fiesta Bowl; they not only lost, but lost to Boise State. Most folks say it was one of the most exciting games ever, but that don’t make Oklahoma feel any better even if the loss was by one point in overtime. Still, it’s not as bad as losing by 27.

Bill Cowher resigned as coach of the Steelers. The next day, Nick Saban made his first official announcement as the new coach at the University of Alabama, “I have no interest in becoming coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers.”

Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell have been feuding over Miss USA. After days of name-calling, Mr. Trump really stirred up controversy when he said he would allow her to appear in Playboy, not only allow but encourage her, as Playmate of the Month. That drew the ire of every beauty queen who ever wore a tiara, but the next day he explained he had mis-spoken: the only one he wants in Playboy is Rosie.

Even something as innocent and delightful as honoring the first baby of the New Year drew criticism. What used to be just a picture in the local paper and a box of baby food and diapers from the Main Street merchants got changed when Toys-R-Us offered $25,000. You thought the women in Germany were weird for standing on their heads for a week to delay birth until January 1, but this cash prize caused a worldwide stampede of expectant mothers to our shores. We already had millions crossing our borders, and now a Chinese woman who slipped in demands the grand prize for her youngin’. Here in Columbus the first baby was from a Mexican woman, and she didn’t collect enough to hardly pay for the trip. Altogether these New Years baby contests add a few thousand new citizens we didn’t bargain for. You can’t blame the babies, yet when you figure it up, it’s kind of an April Fool’s joke on America.

Weather has been unusually warm the last month. We got as much snow as ever in this country, except it all landed on one state. Every weekend Colorado gets another couple of feet. Cattle are starving and ranchers are hauling hay to all they can save. Everyone else is happy, even tourists. They all like to ski, and now they just drive up toward the ski lodge till the car gets stuck or hit by an avalanche and can’t go farther, then they take the skis off the car and ski home. It’s more fun and they don’t have to pay for the lift.

Saddam Hussein stretched a rope and it took ten minutes for the video to show up on YouTube. When you shoot a hidden video in the U.S., you get everyone on the cover of Time; in Iraq you may be the next one hanged.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“No man is great if he thinks he is.” DT #810, March 1, 1929

“A Lobbyist is a person that is supposed to help a Politician to make up his mind, not only help him but pay him.” WA 348, August 25, 1929

“Putting a lobbyist out of business is like a hired man trying to fire his boss.” DT #2704, April 5, 1935

#437, December 18, 2006

COLUMBUS: A friend of mine called yesterday and broke the news, “You are Time magazine’s Man of the Year.”

Mind you, I’m not bragging, but by golly I feel pretty big about it. I sure didn’t expect such an honor, not this year anyway what with competition like Bin Laden, Kim Jung Il, Hamas, and that Iranian troublemaker.

Now, 75 years ago it coulda made some sense, but today?

Well, that bubble burst in a hurry. I turned on the television tonight, and you wouldn’t believe the number of people claiming THEY are Time’s person of the year.

Aren’t you glad Time is not in charge of naming the best college football team? You think the BCS is bad? Time would say, “Why pick one and upset all the other subscribers. Let’s name Ohio State, Michigan, Florida, Southern Cal, Oklahoma, Louisville, Wake Forest, Louisiana State, even Rutgers, Texas and Notre Dame.” If it works for football, why not high schools. Everybody graduates Valedictorian. (Some schools have already tried that.)

The Christmas shopping season is down to the final week. I got a suggestion for the women. To be fair to the rest of us, try to finish up your shopping by Thursday. You’ve had most of a year with the Malls all to yourselves. Leave Friday, Saturday and Sunday for the men to venture into the stores. Who knows, with only men buying, the checkout lines will be half as long and we might buy more gifts. Chances are, some of ’em will be for you.

Then next Tuesday you can exchange ’em.

Merry Christmas to you. But really, whatever holiday you want to celebrate will get no argument from me.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“Christmas was awful quiet after the excitement of the late election. It looked like there was a lot more interest in (the candidates) than there was in Santa Claus. I guess Christmas is getting kinder old and we will have to scare up something new to take its place. The trouble with this generation is they are getting too wise. That is they are getting too wise about things which they ought not to get wise about, and learning none of the things that might be any good to ’em afterwards. We kid the idea of Santa Claus now, where as a matter of fact it was one of the greatest illusions and ideas we ever had. We lost it and nothing has taken its place. Even to presents, why in the old days just any little remembrance was the very thing we wanted and needed, but now with all this Republican prosperity, nobody can’t give you anything you need, for you already got it.” WA #315, January 6, 1929

 

#436, December 11, 2006

COLUMBUS: In long awaited news, the Iraq Study Group gave their report last week. They had been nine months fixin’ it up. They were nearly ready in October but waited till after the election to see which way the wind blew.

The report has 79 things they want us to do related to Iraq. Seventy-nine. That’s how they reached a consensus; any time anyone objected to anything, they just asked, What do you want to make it better? and that’s how they kept adding till they got to 79 and found out everybody had run out of anything new to ask for. When you have 79 objectives, that greatly improves the chance of a passing grade. See, if you finish even 50 of them, it’s a C. But, the President, he only had one plan, and that was to win. So when you don’t get your one and only plan, then you don’t win, and you turn the whole thing over to the diplomats, thereby guaranteeing you won’t win.

President Bush announced today, the “Decider” has Decided to let someone else do the Deciding. He’s conferring with the Middle East countries. He says, “You boys work it out yourselves.” Then he nearly said, “As usual, send us the bill,” but he caught himself just in time. He remembered what James Woolsey told him, that we are already paying for both sides of this war. If you pay for both sides of diplomats and both sides of the war, then you’re paying four times with nothing to show for it. It’s kinda like playing the Lottery, but in a lottery you do have a one in a million chance of winning something.

The suspense in the race for president in 2008 is over. No more waiting. Today, Congressman Dennis Kucinich of Cleveland announced he is running again. His platform is, “I am not a Senator.” Don’t laugh, it has worked for every successful candidate since Kennedy.

In professional football you folks have your favorite players and teams, depending on where you live. In San Diego the coach says he has the best running back that ever put on a uniform. Now that’s saying something. LaDamian Tomlinson scored 29 touchdowns with 3 games to go. No bragging by LaDamian; he’s humble, just lets his feet do his talking for him. Now whether he is really better than Red Grange and Jim Thorpe, you might get an argument from the old timers. Maybe Jim Brown and Gale Sayers, too. But none of them ever scored 29 touchdowns in a season, and neither have some teams.

Didn’t I tell you Troy Smith would be a gracious winner of the Heisman?

Well, did you hear about Jimmy Johnson, the NASCAR driver. He goes all year driving 150, 160 miles an hour, bumper to bumper traffic, no problems, and then last week breaks his wrist. He fell out of his car. Only it wasn’t his race car he fell out of, it was a golf cart.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“There’s the one thing no nation can ever accuse us of and that is Secret Diplomacy. Our foreign dealings are an Open Book, generally a Check Book..” WA #45, October 21, 1923

“America never was very good in conference. We are great talkers but we are mighty poor conferers. America has a unique record. We never lost a war and we never won a conference. We can say, without any degree of egotism, with our tremendous resources we can lick any nation in the world single-handed, and yet we can’t confer with Costa Rica and come home with our shirts on.” Radio broadcast, April 6, 1930

#435, December 3, 2006

KIRKSVILLE, Missouri: This past week I spoke at a couple of farm meetings in Maryland and Missouri. That was my excuse for attending, but in reality you might think I was simply evaluating suites.

First, it was the Mid-Atlantic Crop Management Conference in Ocean City, on Maryland’s Eastern Shore. This historic old resort town has hundreds of hotels and motels and condos, and in the summer it is booming. But by late November it is about empty and even the farmers can afford to stay here. The meeting brought in folks from West Virginia, Virginia, Delaware and New Jersey and was held in the prestigious Princess Royale on the beach. Everybody had a suite because that’s all they have is suites. Mine had a living room that connected through the kitchen to the bedroom, and even a porch where if you stretched your neck a bit and looked across the dunes you could watch the ocean waves hit the beach. It was nice pleasant weather, about 60 degrees.

Thursday I flew to Kansas City where it was 15 degrees and everything covered in ice. I wondered how could it be so different, then I remembered that Ocean City is downwind from Congress. That accounts for at least half the temperature rise.

Drove to LaPlata and checked into the Depot Inn. With a name like that you won’t be surprised to find they have a railroad. In fact the passenger train between Chicago and Los Angeles stops in LaPlata and I bet a lot of railroad buffs get off, spend 24 hours at the Depot, and get back on the next train through.

This Depot Inn is new and one of the finest in all of Missouri, but I think it is misnamed. It is more of a Depot Museum, with beds and a pool. The halls are lined with railroad pictures and old tools and the lobby is a library. They put me in the Pullman suite, and I doubt that George Pullman himself ever had any classier surroundings. The bed reminded me of the one in the Lincoln Bedroom, so big I slept one night on the right side, one on the left and one in the middle. And if I had stayed a few more nights I could have slept sideways, starting at the foot and gradually work my way to the headboard. In one corner of the room there’s a hot tub and in another a fireplace (electronic), with a wide television above it that reminds you of a drive-in movie theater. They practically had to drag me out of there to go up the road a piece to speak at the Missouri Livestock conference at Kirksville. Now you probably know Missouri got hit with a lot of snow, but most of the speakers got there from all over the country, including Orion Samuelson and Baxter Black.

All this suite living reminded me that a month ago in Claremore, I stayed at a suite at the Days Inn. They have two of them, the Will Rogers suite and the Patty Page suite. You can guess which one I was in. Unlike those others, it is just slightly bigger than a regular room with a large comfortable bed, appropriate pictures hung on the walls and some nice western touches. Those other suites are great, but I fit better in one that’s less ostentatious, with a plain down home feeling and plenty of room for a cowboy to stretch out. I figure the main difference for the Patty Page suite is the pictures on the wall, and when the alarm goes off in the morning it plays “How much is that doggie in the window”.

Next week we’ll get back to politics and football and sleeping at home. Can’t beat it.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“Twenty thousand people in Missouri gathered to see twelve farmers in the world’s championship corn husking. No wonder the farmer has nothing. If he had been smart enough to put these on under the guise of college athletics, hired a coach and a stadium, why then the farmer would be sitting as pretty as Notre Dame. [of course today I would say “Ohio State”] DT #1032, Nov. 15, 1929

“There is not a better day in the world to be spent than with a lot of wise old cowmen around barbecued beef, black coffee and good ‘free holy’ beans.” DT #2430, May 17, 1934

“Even if you’re on the right track, if you’re just sitting still you can get run over.” Undated notes.

#434, November 27, 2006

COLUMBUS: Thanksgiving is over for another year. We complimented the chef on the turkey and trimmings and went back to our usual selves the next day. There were so many battles for Playstation 3s and Plasma TVs, Black Friday turned into Black and Blue Friday for some.

Naturally the big news for the holiday weekend, even bigger than shopping and deer hunting, was football. Southern Cal rose to the occasion, downing Notre Dame. It was a tough week for football fans in South Bend, not to mention Morgantown, Fayetteville, Stillwater, Austin, and a few other college towns. Ann Arbor lost a notch, and they didn’t even play. But any sadness in those places was offset by the joy in others, especially Boise, Idaho. They are undefeated, and even if they can’t play Ohio State in January, they can say they played on the same field in January as Ohio State.

Down through history as long as there’s been public speakers, politicians, ballplayers, and comedians, there has been Hecklers. And the good ones figured out how to deal with them. But here lately there’s a new breed of heckler. They don’t come alone to harass their target, instead they arrange to be accompanied by a video crew and a shyster lawyer. If they can’t afford a lawyer beforehand, they just broadcast the video later on You Tube and a dozen pull into their driveway. For shyster lawyers, heckler videos have replaced ambulance sirens.

There is no single deterrence for hecklers. Every public figure has to find their own. Personally I found that carrying a lasso kinda intimidates the heckler. If the jokes aren’t going over so good, get out the old rope and do a few tricks. If the loop accidently lands around the ear lobes of a heckler, why that’s just a chance he has to take.

Sometimes Presidents have a way that’s worth emulating:

“But [President Coolidge] left town the minute the speech was over. That’s kinder like we have been on our tour. We always arranged to have the train stand by and get out if possible before the audience did. Of course it shows weakness and lack of confidence in your speech or lecture, but it also shows excellent judgment for your personal safety.” WA #158, December, 20, 1925

Here’s how a prominent presidential aspirant handled a heckler:

“My old friend William Jennings Bryan made one of his characteristic speeches. He said that if they split the Democratic Party with [a particular issue] that another great party would arise to take its place. Some guy away up in the gallery started booing him. He just stopped and waited a minute until the heckler quit, then Mr. Bryan said: ‘But no great leader of any party has ever come from the gallery.’ After that they laid off him.” WA #82, July 6, 1924

Historic quote by Will Rogers (on Thanksgiving Day):

“In the days of its founders they were willing to give thanks for mighty little (for mighty little was all they expected). But now neither government or nature can give enough but what we think it’s too little.
Those old boys in the Fall of the year, if they could gather in a few pumpkins, potatoes and some corn for the winter, they was in a thanking mood.
But if we can’t gather in a new Buick, a new radio, a tuxedo and some government relief, why we feel like the world is agin us.” DT #2594, Nov. 28, 1934

#433, November 20, 2006

COLUMBUS: I see where the foreign minister of Syria suggests we withdraw our forces from Iraq to stop the killing. That’s a good idea, but I wish he had first ordered all Syrians out of Iraq. Then he could call up the minister of Iran and tell him to do the same thing. You get all the Syrians and Iranians to leave, and take their guns and bombs with them, the killing in Iraq would pert near stop whether we withdrew or not.

I read where a Congressman wants to bring back the draft. (You notice he made the announcement after the election, not before.) He says a draft would stop us from starting a war. Now whether us having a draft would have stopped Osama bin Laden from starting a war, I got my doubts.

Ohio State University beat Michigan 42-39 Saturday. I was one of 105,000 in the stadium. Over the next few years you can bet at least a million will claim they were there because it will go down in history as a classic football game. The man sitting behind me paid $800 for his ticket and said it was worth every penny. Michigan mourned the death of their former coach Bo Schembechler, and he was the best coach they ever had. But I tell you, Coach Jim Tressel will go down in history as not only a great coach but a great leader and teacher. He is a soft-spoken, humble Christian and his players have adopted his principles completely. Troy Smith is the quarterback, and you’ll see what I mean when you listen to Troy after he receives the Heisman Trophy in December. If O.J. is offered $3 Million to write a book, Tressel should be offered $10 Million.

After the game the students and most of Columbus celebrated. There were no fires, no fighting, no problems. It just shows what you can accomplish with clean sportsmanship, common sense, and 10,000 police officers.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

[I shouldn’t pick on Michigan, but here’s an item about Prohibition that’s too good to pass over.] “For her fourth offense selling liquor the great State of Michigan sent the mother of ten children to the penitentiary for life. I guess that will just about blot out the liquor business in the State. I suppose she was the last one selling. Any woman that tries to raise ten kids in that cold State not only ought to be allowed to sell booze, but the State should furnish it to her to sell, and guarantee that it was pure. That would make her the greatest life saver in Michigan. It certainly ought to be a lesson to people with ten children to never move to Michigan.” DT #742, Dec. 12, 1928.

(A Thanksgiving quote) “It’s not a bad old Thanksgiving at that. Outside of Notre Dame, let’s see what we got to be thankful for. Congress adjourning, I know will be the first thing that comes into your mind. But that blessing will be short-lived, for they are soon to meet again. Wall Street stocks are about back up to where the suckers can start buying again. The farmers can be thankful. Didn’t the Farm Board decide in Washington last week that they could have cheaper interest? All the farmers have to do now is to find something new to put up as security. Please pass the cranberries.” DT #1042, Nov. 27, 1929.

#432, November 13, 2006

COLUMBUS: The election is over. Our officials were practically forced to get it over with; the candidates for 2008 were beating on the door.

I voted, along with 40 percent of the rest of you. That means sixty percent don’t seem to care what shape the country is in, which kinda helps explain the shape the country is in.

I felt kinda foolish at the polls. The Congressional seat that appeared on the voting machine was not the one I thought we were in. I guess while my head was turned they moved the district border on me. For months I had been watching the wrong negative ads.

Ohio voted to turn the whole state over to the Democrats. But considering the state it’s in, I ain’t so sure they should take it. The new Governor, Ted Strickland, is optimistic. He spent the last dozen or so years in Congress, and says he will apply the same shrewd management skills in Ohio that he learned in Washington.

Hardly anyone in Ohio even noticed the election, they are so focused on football. Around the country, folks think the college championship game will be played January 8 in Arizona. But in Ohio, they know the real game for number one is this Saturday in Columbus. Both Michigan and Ohio State say any game in January will only be a preliminary warm-up for next season.

Big changes in Washington. Secretary Rumsfeld is out, and the House went to the Democrats just as the polls, and history, had predicted. The Senate is more evenly split, with 51 that are running for President and 49 that ain’t. To get a quorum for a Senate vote they’ll have to convene in New Hampshire.

Governor Tom Vislack of Iowa was first to announce he is running for President. He wants Iowa to pledge all their votes to him and discourage other candidates from ever setting up housekeeping in Des Moines. But these Iowa voters are too smart for that. They like their governor, but they don’t want to cut off the flow of the millions of dollars the candidates will spend. After corn, presidential politics is Iowa’s number one revenue source.

We just passed Veterans Day, Thanksgiving Day is two weeks off, but if you’re ready to go Christmas shopping, Wal-Mart says come on in. Some of these big stores treat December 25 as just another Holiday, but Sam Walton’s folks know their customers, and by golly their customers want to buy Christmas presents, not holiday gifts. Of course Wal-Mart says you’re welcome to give the gifts for Hanukkah or Kwanza or even Thanksgiving, but don’t get upset when they wish you a Merry Christmas as you enter the store.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“I like to make little jokes and kid about the Senators. They are a kind of a never ending source of amusement, amazement, and Discouragement. But the Rascals, when you meet ’em face to face and know ’em, they are mighty nice fellows. It must be something in the office that makes ’em so ornery sometimes. When you see what they do officially you want to shoot ’em, but when one looks at you and grins so innocently, why you kinder want to kiss him.” WA #345, August 4, 1929

“Politics is the best show in America. I love animals and I love politicians. I like to watch both of ’em at play, either back home in their native state, or after they’ve been captured and sent to a zoo, or to Washington.” (Undated)

#431, November 5, 2006

OKLAHOMA CITY: All I know is what I read in “The Oklahoman” or see as I fly over the old home state. Came in on Southwest by way of Kansas City and passed over 2 or 3 dry river beds. The drought is so bad there’s less water flowing in the rivers than you get out of a garden hose. I’ve joked plenty in the past about the government building dams, but if it weren’t for dams Oklahoma would have to lay a pipeline to St. Louis to get a drink.

Headline says, “$2 Billion in ad spending tops 2004”. Candidates for Congress are spending more to get elected than what was spent to elect a President and a Congress two years ago. And that don’t count the $25 Billion of our taxes they spent on pork to kinda fatten us up for the election. Just be glad you don’t get all the government you pay for. Only ones that come out ahead are the radio and television stockholders. If these stations were required to spend as much time interviewing candidates as their ads run for, we would get the real lowdown on ’em and none could ever get elected.

On the way to Claremore I saw gasoline in Tulsa for $1.95. Don’t spread that around because Oklahoma wants to keep it all for themselves. The Pocahontas Club put on a fine birthday remembrance at the Memorial. Those Cherokee ladies are just as gracious as their ancestors were who let us boys join with ’em when it was founded in 1899. Grand niece Doris “Coke” Meyer is one of ’em and just as spry as ever. More of the family was there, all three grandchildren. Bette came from California with her new husband, J.W. Coop. He’s a rodeo cowboy so you can’t help but like him. Chuck flew from Arizona and Kem drove from Tennessee.

At the ranch at Oologah, Kim Grazier rounded up over a hundred second graders to sing a few western songs at the birthday party. Teddy Roosevelt dropped in and reminded us that he had a hand in forming the new state of Oklahoma in 1907. You listen to him for ten minutes and you’re wishing he was still in the White House.

Saturday night I drove to Norman, gave a talk at a dinner for the folks supporting the Western History Collection at the University. Wonderful folks, and generous. Now the last time I was there was 1931 and I wrote about “Norman, Oklahoma, the Home of Oklahoma’s crack University”. I told ’em that today I would choose a different adjective to compliment ’em.

I also reminded ’em of something I wrote before the 1932 election, “Everything is changing in America. People are taking their comedians seriously, and the politicians as a joke, when it used to be the vice versa.” Today there’s a couple of comedians we wish would kinda keep their politics to themselves, and we can all name a prominent politician who should never, ever try to tell a joke.

They announced in Baghdad that Saddam Hussein is guilty as charged and is going to hang. That’s the best news out of Iraq since they pulled him out of a hole. If any lawyers get any ideas about endless appeals of the sentence, they should be the first ones to test the noose.

Happy birthday to Walter Cronkite at 90, and to Laura Bush. I won’t tell her age, but she’s younger than Walter by thirty years.

Historic quote from Will Rogers:

“No voter is going to do anything that a politician thinks he will do (this year). The way most people feel they would like to vote against all of ’em if it was possible.” DT #1797, April 27, 1932