Category: Uncategorized

Sept. 18, 2011

COLUMBUS: Last week the President announced he wanted to play Santa Claus with $450 Billion, and this week he let us in on where the money is coming from: Warren Buffett.

Warren reportedly told the President that he needs to be taxed more on his capital. But you notice he only said it after he gave 95 percent of it to Bill Gates’ charity. Now, I don‘t blame him, and he and Bill will likely put it to better use than the president would.

But the president is going to be in for a terrible jolt. He was asked why he wants to tax millionaires, and he said, “We have to get it from those that have got it.” Well, Warren don’t got it. At least not $450 Billion.

So Mr. Obama will have to round up a few more millionaires for contributions. He might say to an Oklahoma oil millionaire, for example, “Don’t gamble your wealth by drilling more oil wells; let the government have it so we can invest in something more environmentally friendly and dependable, like a company building solar panels.”

They used to have a death tax of close to 100% on big millionaires and billionaires, but the problem today is they aren’t dying off quick enough. They keep hanging on and their money keeps piling up where the government can’t get ahold of it. And President really wants this money while he’s still in.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“There has been more “optimism” talked and less practiced than at any time during our history.  Every millionaire has offered a speech instead of keeping still and offering a job.  Our optimism is all at a banquet table, where everybody there has more than they can eat.” DT #1327, Oct. 24, 1930

 “They ain’t got a thing in the world the matter with ‘em only they are millionaires. You can’t legitimately kick on taxes when the money has been made. It’s taxes on farms, ranches and business property that has lost money for years (that) have the holler coming.” DT #2184, Aug. 3, 1933

“On an estate of say $10 million, why the government will take about 90 percent of it, and then giving the off-spring 10.  And then on estates of a 100 million, 200 million, a billion, and like that, well, the government just takes all of that and notifies the heirs, “Your father died a pauper here today, and he’s being buried by the Millionaires’ Emergency Burial Association.” Radio, April 28, 1935

Sept. 11, 2011

COLUMBUS: President Obama delivered his Jobs Speech to Congress, describing a new stimulus plan to create thousands of jobs with $450 Billion. Only problem is he doesn’t HAVE $450 Billion.

He played Santa Claus, and expects the 535 folks sitting in front of him that night to be the elves. He practically told them, “It’s September. I know you can come up with $450 Billion by Christmas.” And now, he’s traveling the country (in his sleigh), telling folks what great presents await them under the tree as long as Congress doesn’t turn into Scrooge.

Now, mind you, this is on top of the $1.5 Trillion Congress already has to save. Another thing they are trying to “save” is Medicare and Social Security so they don’t run dry in a few years. I believe I heard the President say that next year workers and their employers will get to keep about half of what they have been paying into Social Security. No doubt that’s popular with workers, but is the President trying to save Social Security, or bankrupt it quicker?

Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack was in Columbus Friday to learn how engineers are coming up with useful products made from stuff we used to throw away. He learned how they are making rubber out of dandelions, and asphalt from cow manure. And when soybeans are turned into diesel fuel there’s a black gooey liquid left over. Would you believe that that gooey liquid now replaces oil in making the polyurethane cushions for the front seat of your Ford.

Vilsack, who you may remember was governor of Iowa, announced that, “Agriculture is cool again.” He could have also added that, economically, agriculture is really hot. With a few notable exceptions, farmers and ranchers did not see a recession. Even with the floods, drought, and hurricanes, they will have a bountiful harvest this year. I don’t know what kind of Christmas Congress and the President will have, but for most farmers it will be a merry one.

Saturday night Notre Dame and Michigan played a so-called “throw-back” football game.  For awhile I thought I saw Knute Rockne on the Irish sideline. But with 3 touchdowns in the final minute or so, old time football quickly turned into something even more exciting.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“You know, the national problem in this country today is not who shall be relieved and whose money shall relieve him, but who shall be the one that plays Santa Claus, and actually hands out the presents.” Radio broadcast, April 21, 1935

“I don’t know whether my old friend, Knute Rockne, and Notre Dame are going to win the world’s championship again this Fall, but he deserves it if they don’t win another game. For they are the only big team that starts playing tough teams right from the jump. These others play Rotary clubs and business colleges till about Thanksgiving, then have one tough game. Knute thinks if you got a football team, it ought to be a football team from the Fourth of July to Christmas.” DT #1310, Oct. 5, 1930

COLUMBUS: Dick Cheney wrote a memoir. The former Vice-President has been on every possible TV and radio talk show in the past couple of weeks promoting it. Each host has been grilling him to find out if he read it.

President Obama is working on his speech for Thursday night. There’s plenty of editorial writers and commentators telling him what he ought to say. I don’t have any new ideas on how to put millions of people back to work. Lord knows the ones I have put out in the past have not helped. Of course, they have not been adopted either.

But I do have a suggestion. He should watch the Republican debate on Wednesday night and take notes. See if maybe there are two or three ideas he can grab onto and include in his speech. That would shock the Republicans in Congress and maybe appease them enough to vote for his plan.

The President has already taken two steps that will save money. He changed his mind and announced that if an old traffic sign can be seen and read there’s no need to replace it with a new model. And our current air standards do not need to be any stricter. That’s good news for cattle; they can roam the range without worry about kicking up a little dust and facing arrest by EPA inspectors.

Vermont got flooded out by the Hurricane, and it’s still raining. But they ain’t complaining. In fact they want you to come and visit during the fall leaf season. The floods only tore up roads and bridges; the trees on the hills will be as colorful as ever. If necessary they will meet you at the state line with an ATV and haul you around.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“Tomorrow is Labor Day, I  suppose set by act of Congress. Everything we do nowadays is either by or against acts of Congress. How Congress knew anything about labor is beyond us.” DT #967, Sept. 1, 1929
“Memoirs –  That’s a Cherokee word; means when you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do.” Saturday Evening Post, March 12, 1932
“There ain’t nothing that breaks up homes, country and nations like somebody publishing their memoirs.” DT #2615, Dec. 23, 1934
“(Concerning hills) Vermont has got Black ones, Green ones, White ones, any kind, color, shape or size Hill that you want. Vermont has misplaced more Hills than (South) Dakota’s Chamber of Commerce has on their list. Vermont has more hills in what they call their valleys than Dakota can produce on top of their hills. A Vermont farm don’t lay. It hangs. When your corn grows up big enough to gather, you go up on the farm and shake the ears off and they fall in the barn.” WA #235, June 12, 1927

August 28, 2011

COLUMBUS: President Obama’s approval rating has dropped lower than ever. He’s probably just as smart now as he was 3 or 4 years ago. The problem is, a candidate has to promise a lot of things he knows will never get done, just to get elected. Mr. Obama promised everyone a job, a house, and a chicken in every pot. That got him a lot of cheers. And votes.
But reality set in. The only new jobs are with the government, the house is worth less than the mortgage, and the chicken was bought with food stamps. Of course I’m exaggerating. But a President gets more credit than deserved when things go right, and more blame when they don’t.
A week ago, the President blamed bad luck for part of his poor showing. And that was BEFORE he was hit with an earthquake and a hurricane. The Virginia earthquake was fairly minor (there was no tsunami after) and Hurricane Irene probably caused less damage from wind than from flooding. Vermont floods might cause more damage than the wind did in New York City. Philadelphia was dealt a blow with about 20 inches of rain in the last two weeks.
Katrina hit New Orleans six years ago this week, and it was a few days later when we found out how bad it was. Like in that hurricane, sometimes people in charge deserve more blame for the resulting destruction than the hurricane.
We have to admit that sometimes we make dumb decisions. Now, getting flooded out by a 250-year storm in Pennsylvania can’t be blamed on the homeowner. But if you live on “Sand Dune Lane”, in a house built on a sand dune at the edge of an ocean, when it gets swept away in a storm you should not blame the President. And the rest of us should not have to pay for rebuilding it either.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“(Herbert) Hoover, (didn’t) go out, like the other Cabinet Members, to play Golf when they finished reading their weekly reports… Hoover, being a great Red Cross man, he picked up a few Tornadoes and Hurricanes to kinder help fill in his spare time, and now and again a flood to sorter keep his hand in feeding the destitute. The first thing you know he had made himself so valuable at it that it looked like we couldent have a Calamity till he could get there to handle it. A lot of Calamitys that would have happened, we had to hold ’em off just on that account, for the man was booked up.” How To Be Funny, Jan. 19, 1929

COLUMBUS: The President has been saying that Qaddafi’s “days are numbered.” Well, it appears that Qaddafi has run out of both numbers and days. The next question is, What will become of  Libya? And more importantly, what will become of their oil? Is Syria next?

The President is vacationing on Martha’s Vineyard. I think he got it backwards. He should have spent 3 days on a bus tour of that highfalutin island, and 10 days on a family vacation in farm towns of Minnesota, Illinois and Iowa. Every day his family would have been invited to a different farm for dinner, then spend the afternoon doing farm chores. Baling hay and milking cows beats golf any day. (You know, that million dollar bus could come in handy on the farm; if you cleared out the seats it would haul at least 200 square bales.) For supper, local churches would have been glad to organize a covered dish meal. And ten days in farm country could have picked up more electoral votes than Mr. Obama will ever gain from Massachusetts.

The Federal Reserve is meeting in Jackson Hole to figure out how to get us out of this economic mess. Is that smart when you’re already in a hole? Why not meet on Jackson Mountain or Jackson’s Mill, or even Jackson Flat. Anywhere but a Hole.

They already dropped the interest rate to pert near zero. Pretty soon, instead of collecting interest they’ll be paying you one or two percent just to take some cash off their hands. Bernanke is gonna print another Trillion dollars of bogus bills, no matter what Governor Perry says Texans will do to him.

Vice-President Biden went to China to assure the Chinese that we will never default on the Treasury bonds they hold, no matter what Congress does. This makes you wonder why the President refused to give the same assurance to Americans last month.

Of course China wants us to stay prosperous and growing. Otherwise where would they find new technology to steal?

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“There is two things that can disrupt business in this country. One is war and the other is a meeting of the Federal Reserve.” DT #837, April 2, 1930
 “Sell your house and lot this morning, for the Federal Reserve Board meets this afternoon.” DT #839, April 4, 1930
(Will Rogers pretending to be President Coolidge, on a radio broadcast. Read it as if you are listening to it.)  “I am proud to report, that the country as a whole is prosperous. I don’t mean by that, that the whole country is prosperous, but as a hole, it is prosperous. Now a hole is not supposed to be prosperous, and we are certainly in a hole.  In conclusion, everybody I come into contact with is doing well. They have to be doing well or they don’t come in contact with me.”

COLUMBUS: Iowa Republicans held a big fund-raiser, also known as the Straw Poll. Congresswoman Michelle Bachmann, kinda running as Iowa’s “Favorite Daughter” candidate,  rounded up over 4800 of her childhood friends and won the poll by 150 votes over Ron Paul of Texas. Just 17,000 bonafide Iowans drove to Ames to vote for a Republican for President. That may sound like a good crowd, but three times as many will drive there for a football game.
I know a few farmers in Iowa, and I bet any one of them could have gotten 5000 other farmers to take the day off and go to Ames and vote for ‘em. Well, another farmer, this one from west Texas, announced he’s running. Rick Perry says Texas is due another President.
Gov. Pawlenty got creamed in the Straw Poll and put himself out to pasture. He spent a million dollars for 2000 votes, and figured at that price he couldn’t afford enough votes to beat Obama. Other candidates want his 2000 supporters, but so far no one has offered anywhere near what they cost him.
President Obama heard his name mentioned so many times in Iowa he wants to see what the ruckus is all about. He’ll fly in on Air Force One and trade it for Greyhound One to tour along the Mississippi River in Minnesota, Iowa, and Illinois. What those folks want to hear is which of his programs he will cut to reduce the deficit, and which regulations he will forego so business can expand and hire more people. But what he’ll likely talk about is a new stimulus package, including a plan to install a gigantic culvert for the Mississippi to run through from St. Paul to St. Louis.
In Philadelphia, the mayor has cracked down on teenage hoodlums who are copying the violence and destruction going on in England. Police caught more than 50 one night, which sounds more impressive than it is. See, it ain’t hard for a policeman to outrun a guy carrying a 60-inch flat screen TV with his pants down around his knees.
The Obama health care bill got sent to the Supreme Court. A friend in Las Vegas asked for my opinion on being forced to buy health insurance. The quote below answers that question, sort of.

Historic quote by Will Rogers: (following a gall bladder operation in 1927)
One day I was a-laying in the hospital (recovering) and I just happened to have the only bright thought that had come to me in weeks.  “Say, this thing I’m doubled up here with comes under the heading of ‘sickness’.”  For wasn’t I getting well from an operation?
So I thought of those policies I had been paying on for years. This sickness is going to turn out all right, at that. I began to think how I could stretch it out into what might be termed a slow convalescence. So I was grinning like a moving-picture producer who has just thought of a suggestive title for his new picture. So when my wife called again I broke the good news to her.
I says, “If we can get a bonafide doctor to say that I have been sick and couldn’t spin a rope and talk about Coolidge, we are in for some disability.”
Well, I notice the wife didn’t seem so boisterous about this idea. Then I got to thinking: “Maybe I haven’t been sick enough, or maybe I haven’t got a bonafide doctor.”
Then the truth did slowly come out; she told me the sad story of cutting down on the insurance. It read like a sentence to me. She said my physical condition had misled them. Of course she said there would be some salvage out of our short-sightedness, but that the operation would be by no means money-making. Whereas if the original policies had prevailed I would have reaped a neat benefit.
So if you want to stay well, just bet a lot of rich companies that you will get sick. Then if you can’t have any luck getting sick, have the policy cut down, and before six months you’ll be saying, “Doctor, the pain is right there.” (From “Ether and Me”, 1927)

For a glimpse of bright future, go to a State Fair

COLUMBUS: Well, after all the wrangling and arguing, Congress and the President agreed on a budget plan. It wasn’t a good plan, but it was the only one they could get. Did it please anybody? Not a chance. Stockholders sold their stocks, losing more than a Trillion in a day. Standard & Poor’s lowered our credit rating a notch. Congress’ approval rating is in the tank. Unemployment refuses to drop below nine percent. And how bad is it when one of the countries making fun of our economy is Russia?
The only person who says he likes our economy is Warren Buffett, and he owns so much of it he is just protecting his investment. Of course, I trust Warren’s opinion more than I do Russia’s.
President Obama turned 50 this week. Remember when Marilyn Monroe sang “Happy Birthday” to President Kennedy? With all the emphasis on cutting costs I think this president was left with either Roseanne Barr or Whoopi Goldberg. At 50, he is fit and trim, in great shape. But he probably feels ten years older than when he took office.
This is Fair season. The Ohio State Fair is wrapping up, and Iowa’s Fair starts this week. They both boast about their butter cow sculptures, and rightly so, but this year Iowa has the advantage. Every Republican candidate under the sun is in Iowa buttering up the voters for the Iowa Straw Poll on Saturday. They say it don’t mean anything, but any candidate who gets creamed in Iowa is soon put out to pasture.
The President is trying to round up more jobs. The harder he works at it, the farther behind we seem to fall. I think if he spent a few days at a State Fair he would get an inkling of the future of this country. I saw a whole slew of 4-H members competing the past two weeks in Ohio, and these young folks know how to give a speech, they know their subject, and they know how to navigate a tight course whether it’s driving a tractor, designing a robot, guiding a welding rod, or leading a young bull. You watch these bright young folks and you come away impressed that when they complete their formal educations, whether high school, college, or an advanced degree, they will be ready to step into a good career or create their own business. As teenagers, many already have.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“It’s called the 4-H Club. Somebody was inspired when they founded that. It’s all over the country. By golly they are a great bunch of kids.” DT #2585, Nov. 18, 1934

“The only salvation I can see for the young is to increase the college term to an additional four years. That’s another one of my plans. You’ll say, “Well, what could they learn in another four years?”  Well, there must be some little something about making a living that they haven’t learned yet, and they could kind of work on that for the next four years.” Radio, June 2, 1935

Debt crisis may be averted

COLUMBUS: It ain’t easy writing a column when the news is changing by the minute. It appears, as we turn out the lights tonight, that Harry Reid and John Boehner have concocted a bill that the President won’t veto.

President Obama gave a short speech on this compromise bill to raise the debt ceiling to around $17 Trillion. He said he wants more taxes on the rich and that we will have the “lowest level of annual domestic spending since Eisenhower was president.”

Nobody knows for sure what’s in this bill so it may wind up with more taxes. But anyone who lived through the 1950s will be shocked to hear that federal spending is lower today. I looked it up. The highest budget under Ike was less than $0.1 Trillion. During his 8 years the total debt increased by $25 Billion to a whopping $0.29 Trillion in 1960. Of course the population has doubled, but we’re spending as much in week as Eisenhower did in a year. We’ll add as much federal debt in the month of August as the country did in our first 180 years.

Budget arguments are nothing new. “Every statesman wants to vote appropriations, but is afraid to vote taxes. The oratory of Washington is on “reconstruction,” but the heart of Washington is on (the next election). We never will get anywhere with our finances till we pass a law saying that every time we appropriate something we got to pass another bill along with it stating where the money is coming from.” (1932)

I sure hope they settle this mess by August 2 so the President (and the rest of us) can enjoy his 50th birthday party in Chicago August 3. Cake for everybody.

This is my 666th Weekly Comments, and I hope we’re all still around for #667.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers: (from Weekly Article #666)

Well all I know about dogs is not much, but in Alaska there is an awful lot of dependence put in dogs. Of course the plane has diminished the dog travel a lot but still the backbone of the Arctic is a dog’s backbone. I met up there, just as I was leaving Fairbanks, that famous musher and dog race winner, Seppala. He become immortal on that famous drive with the (diphtheria) serum to Nome (in 1925)… Seppala is as identified with dogs as Mae West is with buxomness…
Well I dident have long to talk to him that morning, as we was trying to get off, and the river was narrow and many bends and Wiley was afraid that with a full load of gas that we might have some difficulty in taking off, so we had some gas sent out to a lake about 50 miles out, and then flew there and loaded up and took off. We were headed at the time for Point Barrow the furtherest north of any piece of land on the North American Continent…
Joe Crosson the ace pilot that we were with so much in Fairbanks, an old friend of Wiley’s, has a mine and we went out there. He has a partner, a Swedish fellow, that runs it and he had just killed a bear right at his house door. And the Swedish fellow tells how Mickey (his wirehaired fox terrier) went out one night and run the bear in. Well as a matter of fact Mickey went out and the bear chased him in, and Earnest had to shoot the bear to keep him from running Mickey under the bed. They say there is more fellows been caught by a bear just that way. An old pet dog jumps the bear and then they hike straight to you, and the bear after ’em, and the first thing you know you got a bear in your lap, and a dog between your feet. There is two kinds of bear dogs: the ones that drive ’em away and the ones that bring ’em in. Little Mickey thought he had done it (because) Earnest said he chewed all the hair off the bear, after death.” WA #666 (This unfinished article was in Will’s typewriter when the plane crashed near Pt. Barrow, August 15, 1935)

Heat in Washington leads to a wacky idea

COLUMBUS: Heat and drought has taken over most of the country. It’s been dry and hot in Oklahoma and Texas for months, but folks back east paid no attention until it struck them too.
Television announcers have been advising everyone to stay inside where it’s cooler, and do nothing. And that’s exactly what Congress and the President are doing. Nothing. At times I have said we should not complain when Congress does nothing because “when they do nothing they don’t hurt anybody.” I also said we should not settle anything during hot weather because “heat and reason don’t go together.”
But since they could not settle the debt problem back when it was cooler, we just have to take our chances with the heat. When you’re spending $10 Billion a day, and only taking in $6 Billion, your banker had better be your best friend. Why, every morning before breakfast President Obama  signs another $4 Billion IOU to the First Bank of China.
Republicans in Congress passed a bill called Cut, Cap and Balance.  Democrats don’t seem to like it, but have offered no bill of their, at least not in writing. Nobody can agree on nothin’.
Suppose they compromise this way: The Senate Democrats and President Obama go sit in a corner and write a deficit reduction plan for the next 6 months. Lay it out exactly. Then the Republicans go in the opposite corner and write their plan for the 6 months after that. That way the debt ceiling get raised and both sides get an equal shot at reducing the deficit and improving the economy. Next July let the Supreme Court analyze the half year under the Democrat plan, and the half year under the Republican plan. Whichever plan the Court figures did the most good for the country will be adopted for the 6 months after that. Regardless of which plan the Supreme Court picks, the voters will have the final say in November 2012.
If you say, “that idea is wacky”, well, just blame it on the heat.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers: (from Weekly Article #665)
“These Eskimos have one of the most (scheduled) lives there is, almost to a day of the various months or seasons, they will go from the hunting or trapping of one animal to the other. White fox takes up just so many days, perhaps a couple of months, but there is almost a certain time that they will stop and move to another place to take up another game. Muskrat, then their seal and fishing for their supply of dog food. They all come in and hold a celebration on Christmas, then by New Years they are out again.
Then the polar bear season occupies so much of their time. He is pretty hard to get…Then they got the caribou to hunt. There is literally thousands of caribou all over Alaska and the Yukon, and Northwest Territories…
A whale used to net ’em about 18 or 20 thousand dollars, when whalebone was selling, but the minute the women started reducing, and trying to get some sort of shape with a rubber corset, the old whalers were pretty near put out of business… Polar bear hides are not worth anything now they say. Furs have been pretty cheap.
It’s a great country, where you have to live off the country, hunt, trap, kill and live. Four mails a year into that place, two and a half months when it’s not frozen in.” WA #665, written about Aug. 14, 1935

Cut air-conditioning to solve debt impasse

COLUMBUS: The boys in Washington are still arguing over the debt.  They can’t seem to agree on how to reduce spending by 40% (as suggested by Republicans) or increase tax collections by 40% (suggested by Democrats). What was true in 1931 is still true today: “A debt is just as hard for a government to pay as it is for an individual. No debt ever come due at a good time. Borrowing is the only thing that is handy all the time.”

If you are looking for a way to reduce costs, here’s an idea. Shut off the air-conditioner in every federal building in Washington, and force them to stay in there until they agree on something. Not only would they save on the electric bill, Republican Congressmen might see that eliminating mortgage deductions on half-million dollar mansions, including their own, ain’t unreasonable. And Democrat Senators might see that since folks are living longer, maybe raising the age for Medicare and Social Security to 70 ain’t so bad either. If the Oval Office got up to a hundred degrees, the President might be more inclined to offer some of his favorite programs for the chopping block. Spending a Trillion dollars on high speed trains that run 39 mph may lose its luster. And maybe all of them together can agree on doing without a few new tanks, fighter jets and Humvees.

I read where some women’s groups claim that the ladies are getting a raw deal from Washington. That raising the retirement age to 67 is not fair to the so-called weaker sex. Well, since women are outliving men by 4 or 5 years, maybe they ought to work longer than men; let men retire at 67, but women work till 70 or 71. Of course no Congressman (or sane comedian) would even raise that possibility. We all know that women never really get to retire, and when the husband retires their work just gets harder.

Here are two closing thoughts from the 1930s. “By the end of next year, 1936, our per capita debt will be $270 each… It costs ten times more to govern us than it used to, and we are not governed one-tenth as good.”

Historic quotes by Will Rogers: (from Weekly Article #664)

  “These little towns and cities in Alaska have mighty fine little papers. They take all the big news and whittle it down till you can read it and understand it… They cover about all of Congress that is fit to cover; you see, we cover a lot that we shouldent…
That Yukon (River) that you have read so much about that is formed away in the Yukon Territory of Canada. We flew down it from the head, and it winds and twists till it comes out away down near San Marchiel, in the Bering Sea, 2,000 miles away…
You look on a map and all the country that is north of the real mainland of Canada, all those tremendous Islands and gulfs up there, a white man is not allowed to fish, hunt or trap in. It’s entirely for the support of the Indians that live up there. We never had thought of that. And say, the old Injun and the Eskimo is a mighty smart trader up there.
One thing I don’t believe I could ever be (is a trapper.)… The hospitality and generosity of a trapper, or a man that lives way out, would put us to absolute shame… They would mush through the Winter 50 below for days to help a friend.” WA #664, written about Aug. 13, 1935