Author: Randall Reeder

Nov. 20, 2011 COLUMBUS: This is Thanksgiving week, a time when Americans give thanks for a bountiful harvest, a full stomach, and an overflowing Christmas shopping cart. The farmers came through for us again, with a big assist from the Lord. We are generous folks, so you won’t find anyone going hungry on Thanksgiving. About the only crop that came up extremely short was peanuts. Now the price of peanut butter is so high the poor vegetarian may have to feed their kids meat. While the rest of us are poised to celebrate our blessings, Washington is tied up in knots over the deficit deal. They appointed 6 Republicans and 6 Democrats to come up with a so-called compromise. Each side was hoping one of the “opponents” would switch sides, thereby committing political suicide. President Obama was supposed to referee, but he went to Australia get away from the fray. (And you can’t get any farther away than Australia.) The whole deficit reduction angle is a hoax. Even if the Republicans raised taxes as high as the Democrats want, and the Democrats cut spending as Republicans desire, the debt in ten years would still be higher than today. The solution is for more people to pay taxes, and fewer people to live off taxes. It’s that simple. Congress figures what the country needs are more millionaires, so naturally they start with themselves. Did you know they are allowed insider trading of stocks? Yes, Congress can get in a huddle, agree to buy a certain stock, then pass a bill that causes it to double. If you wonder where their big campaign contributions come from, if one of these scoundrels gave you a stock tip, wouldn’t you agree to donate half to get him reelected? If the Super Committee fails to reach a deal, don’t blame them. It was the rest of Congress, blessed by the President, who pawned this impossible task off on ‘em and then went back to their office and watched the ticker tape. Historic quotes by Will Rogers: “This is Thanksgiving.  It was started by the Pilgrims, who would give thanks every time they killed an Indian and took more of his land.  As years went by and they had all his land, they changed it into a day to give thanks for the bountiful harvest, (if) the boll-weevil and the protective tariff didn’t remove all cause for thanks.” DT#417,  Nov. 23, 1927 “Thanksgiving Day. In the days of its founders they were willing to give thanks for mighty little, for mighty little was all they expected. But now neither government or nature can give enough but what we think it’s too little. Those old boys in the Fall of the year, if they could gather in a few pumpkins, potatoes and some corn for the winter, they was in a thanking mood. But if we can’t gather in a new Buick, a new radio, a tuxedo and some government relief, why we feel like the world is agin us.” DT#2594, Nov. 28, 1934

Nov. 13, 2011

COLUMBUS: That so-called Super Committee in Washington has banged up against a rock wall. They are supposed to cut a few Trillion dollars out of a federal budget that will likely spend $50 Trillion over the next ten years. At least 10 to 15 Trillion of the 50 Trillion will be borrowed, but they can’t identify even half a Trillion their constituents can do without.

We’re partly to blame for this fix we’re in. Folks are living longer but still want to quit work at the same age. We then expect to receive the best possible medical care in our old age no matter what it costs. Medicare and Social Security are stretched thin.

We seem to be on the same path as Greece and Italy… and maybe our leaders should follow their example. Papandreou and Berlusconi both told their legislatures, “If you pass this austerity budget bill, we’ll sign it, then resign.”

Why not do the same here. President Obama should go into a huddle with the four leaders of Congress: McConnell and Reid, Boehner and Pelosi. He could say, “This country is more important than any of us. But we spend way too much, borrow too much, and don’t collect enough taxes. Let’s tell the super committee to cut spending by $3.5 Trillion and increase revenues $1.5 Trillion by cutting deductions for the wealthy. You don’t like the plan and I don’t like it either. But it might cut our deficit by ten percent. I will announce tomorrow that I will refuse to run for re-election; turn the whole Democrat party over to Hillary. I’m expecting you four to also step down from your leadership positions. Give the country a fresh start. Are you with me?”

Will it happen? Not a chance.

A Canadian friend of mine, Bruce Lee, told me he will be in Washington later this month teaching business leaders how to be more effective and productive with less resources. Imagine that. Do you suppose we can get him to address Congress on the same topic?

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“I called at the Capitol to see what our hired help were doing. It’s almost superfluous to tell you they were doing nothing.  I wish we could get them interested in something.” Apr. 28, 1926
“Both sides are going to straddle the thing, if they have to split their carcass clear up to their neck to do it.” DT #1441, March 6, 1931
“When you straddle a thing it takes a long time to explain it.” Democratic Convention, June 29, 1924
 “The country’s in bad shape when there ain’t nobody spending any money but the government.  But what you going to do about it? Course, one remedy would be for the people that have money to start spending it instead of the government.” Radio, April 7, 1935

Nov. 6, 2011

CLAREMORE, Okla: Last week I said, “Oklahoma Occupiers are in for a Jolt.” Well, this weekend, the whole state was jolted by a 5.6 earthquake. In Claremore it rumbled a few seconds, about the same intensity as if a half dozen freight trains were passing by.

Of course in Claremore, there’s nothing unusual about a bunch of trains rolling through town. Trains are so frequent, a line of cars and trucks hardly has time to clear the tracks before another train rolls through. Then in the next block you wait to cross another track. The town wants to spend millions to eliminate grade crossings, but can’t decide whether to elevate the railroads up on trestles, or to build overpasses or underpasses for the roads. It may be cheaper to leave the railroads where they are, and lower the town twenty feet.

The big doings in Claremore was Will Rogers Days. This town loves to celebrate birthdays, even for a guy who has had 132 of ‘em. Busloads of school kids came in to the museum to learn about Oklahoma history and Indian heritage. The Oologah fourth graders entertained with a show and singing. The Indian women of the Pocahontas Club (founded in 1899) dressed in authentic heritage outfits and fancy hats and led a beautiful wreath-laying ceremony. And “my” old Shriner outfit, the Akdar Shrine in Tulsa, purchased and dedicated a new plaque.

Saturday afternoon was the parade through town. Every year I pair up with Gene Pyeatt and his 1921 Model T Ford Huckster. Before the parade started the old Ford sprung an oil leak. But Gene had his tools handy, and after pulling out the floorboard he could just barely get a screwdriver in position to tighten four screws clamping an oil seal. I’m guessing those screws have worked loose and been tightened several times in the last 90 years. That old pickup made it through the parade in fine shape and so did I.

On Saturday night, college football reigned on television. If you like good defense and a game decided by field goal attempts and penalties, then the Alabama – LSU game was the one to watch. LSU won in overtime, 3 field goals to 2. Meanwhile in Stillwater, the Oklahoma State Cowboys hosted the Kansas State Wildcats.  The Wildcats scored 45 points and lost, because the Cowboys scored 52. And if that was not enough excitement, as soon as the game ended the stadium was shaken by an aftershock.

Andy Rooney died Nov. 4 of complications from “minor” surgery. You know, for anything called surgery, there’s nothing minor about it.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“I asked him, “Mr. Ford, I know it is rather inquisitive, but just how cheap could you sell your car?” He said, “Well, Will, that is kind of personal but if the worst comes to the worst, I could give it away, as long as we retain the selling of the parts.  One of these things will shake off enough in a year to pay for itself.” Radio, June 1, 1930

“Claremore is a town in physique but a city at heart. It’s the home of Radium water, where you can take those wonderful baths that cure you of practically everything; everything but being a Democrat.” DT #1111, Feb. 16, 1930

Oct. 23, 2011

COLUMBUS: These Wall Street Occupiers, who are protesting against the rich because they won’t share their money, have collected over a million dollars in donations. After watching and listening to some of these birds I suspect that half of the money came from parents just to keep them out of the house.

Police have arrested some of them, not just in New York, but in other cities. I can imagine hearing a judge say to the dad of a 26-year old college student, “A month in jail or a month of house-arrest. Which do you want for your son?” The dad pauses. The judge asks him again. Finally, the dad says (in Jack Benny style), “I’m thinking, I’m thinking.”

These protesters have been arguing over how to spend the million dollars. Why not just divide it evenly among everyone there. Isn’t that their goal, that everyone share the wealth equally. Or even better, since New York City has spent over four million dollars for police to protect them from each other and irate neighbors, why not give it to the city.

Qaddafi was captured and shot through the head. In the end the $200,000,000,000 he stashed away in various banks did not save him. I heard that $37 Billion of it is right here in American banks. Since we spent about one Billion supporting the Libyan revolution, this might be the first war in history where we come out ahead.

President Obama announced that we will take all our troops out of Iraq by Christmas and turn the whole country over to the Iraqis. In Iran, Ahmadinejad was delighted. He doesn’t understand English very well and thought the President said we were turning the country over to the Iranians. No, no. That little fellow has been needling us for more than thirty years, and if he tries to sneak into Iraq, we’ll sic Israel and Turkey on him. Secretary Clinton should send him an overnight diplomatic letter warning him. And include a late picture of Qaddafi.

Last Tuesday I was in Grand Junction, Colorado, breaking bread with the fine folks of the Knife and Fork Club. Most of us back east don’t know it, but the western slope of the Rockies is sitting on enough oil shale to keep our Fords purring for another hundred years. It may not be as cheap as oil from the Middle East, but we won’t have to fight Ahmadinejad to get it.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“Wall Street is being investigated, but they are not asleep while it’s being done. You see where the Senate took that tax off the sales of stocks, didn’t you? Saved ’em $48,000,000.” DT #1803, May 4, 1932

“Big headlines in today’s papers say that the big bankers, to show (the President) his financial scheme don’t suit them, they are unloading government bonds and securities by the bushel. He won’t play their way so they are going to sell their ball and bat and get out. I can’t just recall, but as well as I remember, wasn’t they the fellows that the government was helping so much not long ago?”  DT #2281, Nov. 24, 1933

Oct. 16, 2011 COLUMBUS: The protest in New York City has grown. The liberal arts students have been joined by George Soros, Democrat office holders, unions, and the unemployed (who mainly took college classes in liberal arts). They complain about being unemployed, but how many of the Occupiers have you seen or heard that you would want to hire to work beside you? Would they accept an opportunity to work if it was offered? President Roosevelt set up the WPA during the 1930’s and put men to work building roads, parks, schools, and other long lasting public projects. If you handed these protesters a shovel, sledgehammer and crosscut saw would they ask directions to the job site or would they scoff at you? At the dedication to the wonderful memorial to Martin Luther King, President Obama offered support for the protests, “Dr. King would want us to challenge the excesses of Wall Street without demonizing those who work there.” Good point. And considering the unimaginable debt piled up in the last few years, Dr. King might also want us to challenge the excesses of the federal government without demonizing the civil servants who work there. Big banks and Wall Street firms don’t have many fans today. The excesses of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac are at the root of declining home values and foreclosures. Successful businesses aim to produce more with less cost, so if they borrow to expand, it is often for new machines, not new employees. In those New York protests, consider what you don’t see. You don’t see nurses, or engineers, or farmers. In contrast to the Tea Party rallies, I only saw one American flag, and it was upside down. Now, when the city gets around to cleaning up the mess they may bring in a couple of  farmers with a front end loader and a manure spreader. They can haul the stuff to Central Park to fertilize the grass. In Washington, the Congressional supercommittee of 12 is supposed to reach a budget compromise by Thanksgiving. Their colleagues in the House and Senate were asked to turn in ideas on how to save over a Trillion dollars. Well, so far they have offered to cut payments to farmers by $6 Billion. In all other areas the proposals total about $100 Billion. And that’s $100 Billion of increases, not cuts. Congress had better bring in Erskine Bowles and Alan Simpson with their 2010 report, read the Constitution to see what the federal government is required to do, and appropriate funds accordingly. Warren Buffett could have helped out. He made $62 Million and could have given almost half ($29 Million) to the government. That would have eliminated his complaint that his secretary pays a higher percentage than he does. Instead he gave only 11 percent to the IRS. He gave the other $22 Million to charities. He believes they are wiser than the government in how the money is spent. Did you read about the woman who got lost in a corn maze and called 911? Well, I have a suggestion for farmers who want to attract customers afraid of getting hopelessly lost in a corn maze: cut a maze in a field of soybeans. Charge $3 to crawl through the maze. If they get frustrated, tell them to stand up. Historic quotes by Will Rogers: “Senate has been investigating Wall Street for ten days and all they have found out is that the street is located in the sharp end of New York City, that not only the traders but the street itself is short, that neither end don’t lead anywhere.” DT #1790, April 19, 1932 “Funniest thing in this controversy over a bill to regulate Wall Street. Wall Street now wants to write their own bill. They are pleading guilty, but want to privilege of pronouncing their own sentence.” DT #2386, March 27, 1934

Oct. 9, 2011

COLUMBUS: Steve Jobs changed America. So did Henry Ford.
Ford put American drivers on the road. Jobs took the driver’s eyes off the road.
The Model T was so cheap farmers could buy one to go to town to buy supplies. With an iPhone they don’t have to go to town. They check prices while standing out in the field and send an order to have the stuff delivered.
Ford converted horses from a beast of burden to an object of curiosity. Jobs’ computers converted secretaries to administrative assistants.
Ford practically invented the drive-in movie with a huge 60-foot screen. The iPad lets us watch movies on a 6-inch screen.
Ford let you snuggle in the back seat and make whoopee. Jobs lets you film yourself in the back seat making whoopee.
Henry said, if worst came to worst, he could give the cars away if he retained the selling of the parts. Steve could give away the iPod and iPhone if he retained the selling of the tunes and apps.
Ford started his car business in the bedroom. Jobs started his in a garage, which would not have existed if not for Ford.
Ford gave us a gas station on every corner. Jobs converted half those filling stations to Starbucks.
Thanks to Ford, finding a parking space was our biggest worry. Now it’s finding space on broadband.
We no sooner get a Ford car paid for than we want to trade it in for a newer model. You get a new iPhone, turn it on, and there’s an app showing what the next model will do better.
Walt Disney (not Henry Ford) took a mouse and made him likable. Steve Jobs took a mouse and made it useful.
Eve bit the apple and saw she was naked. Steve designed the Apple and IBM lost its shirt.

In Washington, President Obama says we are “going soft” and he doesn’t like it. What upsets him is that not enough people are working hard enough to qualify for the Millionaire’s Tax. Meanwhile on Wall Street the Occupiers want to eliminate all millionaires and billionaires. And they are using their iPhones to round up more protesters to say vile things about wealthy folks, such as Steve Jobs.

West Virginia held a special election to pick a governor. Earl Ray Tomblin won by promising more coal and lower taxes. He’s a Democrat, but President Obama is not quite sure if he’s for or against him.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“A Ford car and a marriage certificate is the two cheapest things there is.  We no more than get either one than we want to trade them in for something better.” Radio, June 1, 1930

Oct. 2, 2011

COLUMBUS: On Wall Street for three weeks straight, college students have been protesting against the stockbrokers. The stockholders ain’t too thrilled about them either.
These students say they are protesting because greedy Wall Streeters make more money than the students. Well, of course they do. And these students will be even worse off financially when Daddy finds out they have cut class for three weeks.
But these protesters are not alone. There are plenty of company presidents who say the economy is falling apart. They are cutting jobs faster than Obama can create them.
President Obama killed another Al-Qaeda leader, al-Awlaki in Yemen. If we keep taking out the top guy, maybe those Muslim terrorists will take the hint. They have been recruiting other Muslims to sign up for suicide missions; they are just now learning that taking over as the top guy is also signing up to die.
The ACLU objected to the killing because al-Awlaki was an American. Well, in World War II do you suppose that General Patton, before shooting him, would have asked the guy commanding a German battalion, “By any chance, were you born in New Mexico?”
Andy Rooney, 92, retired from “60 Minutes.” He said he was proud to be a writer (starting in World War II) and never wanted to be famous on television. I admire him for that. Many television folks are famous simply because they read what others write for them. Andy wrote hundreds of great essays for the CBS show, but my favorite was one on store-front displays in which he decided, “I never met a mannequin I didn’t like.”
With Andy retiring, that opens a job for a younger fellow, maybe in his early 70s.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“It looks like the financial giants of the world have bungled as much as the diplomats and politicians. This would be a great time in the world for some man to come along that knew something.” DT #1611, Sept. 21, 1931

 “I believe if it was announced that (this Depression) couldn’t be solved, why people would go back to working on their own problems, and maybe first thing we knew we would be doing pretty good. I think just the announcement that it couldn’t be solved would be a blessing. It’s this uncertainty of not knowing that’s a worrying us more than the actual discomforts of it.
I will bet you in the next Presidential race, you won’t get candidates coming out saying they can fix it. They have learned their lesson. The most that will be said in the next campaign platform of either party will be: “Now boys, we are going to try and check it, but we are not saying we will, but we will promise you this, we are not going to let it spread any more than we can possibly help.” WA #569, Nov. 19, 1933

Sept. 25, 2011

COLUMBUS: President Obama was back in Ohio (his second home) to give a speech in Cincinnati. He was there to warn drivers about a bridge that might collapse into the Ohio River if we don’t borrow millions of dollars to replace it before the next election.

Thousands of people cross that Interstate bridge every day, and I don’t doubt the President is deeply concerned about their safety, even if most of them are Republicans. But it is pretty clear his main interest is to give people a job and jolt the economy.

Maybe he can do what Calvin Coolidge and Lyndon Johnson did. Just say, “I choose not to run for another term.” Now I don’t expect him to do it, and don’t want him to. But if he did, it would be a tremendous jolt. Look at all the jobs created by the dozen Republicans running for President. And if you added a dozen Democrats to the race it would double the mudslinging. Just cleaning up after those birds, look at all the shovel-ready jobs.

The President wants to spend $450 Billion, but he wants to reduce the deficit. Today I read in the newspaper a good place to start: stop sending checks to dead Federal retirees. In 2005 an investigator gave the government 14 steps to eliminate this waste. Six years and $600,000,000 later, the department in charge of retirement checks has adopted 10 of the steps. Apparently one of the four steps they have not tried yet is this: Before you hand over the monthly check ask them, “Are you still alive?”

In fact that might be a good question to ask the current employees in that department.

Speaking of Republican candidates, the only two who have won anything so far are Michelle Bachmann and Herman Cain. Now they were only “straw polls”, but does it make you wonder why Perry and Romney are getting all the attention? It’s a long horse race and what a horse does in the first couple of strides doesn’t count for much. But a stumble or two can cause heartburn for a bettor.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“Last year we said, ‘Things can’t go on like this!’ They didn’t. They got worse.” Jan. 11, 1930

“Do you think the world leaders can get us out of this (economic mess)? They might, ignorance got us in.
Do you think we will get out of this depression just because we got out of all the others? Lots of folks drown that’s been in the water before.” DT #2002, Jan. 3, 1931

 “We used to call Depression a State of mind, now it’s a State of health. It’s really not Depression, it’s just a return to normalcy.” WA #461, Oct 25, 1931

Sept. 18, 2011

COLUMBUS: Last week the President announced he wanted to play Santa Claus with $450 Billion, and this week he let us in on where the money is coming from: Warren Buffett.

Warren reportedly told the President that he needs to be taxed more on his capital. But you notice he only said it after he gave 95 percent of it to Bill Gates’ charity. Now, I don‘t blame him, and he and Bill will likely put it to better use than the president would.

But the president is going to be in for a terrible jolt. He was asked why he wants to tax millionaires, and he said, “We have to get it from those that have got it.” Well, Warren don’t got it. At least not $450 Billion.

So Mr. Obama will have to round up a few more millionaires for contributions. He might say to an Oklahoma oil millionaire, for example, “Don’t gamble your wealth by drilling more oil wells; let the government have it so we can invest in something more environmentally friendly and dependable, like a company building solar panels.”

They used to have a death tax of close to 100% on big millionaires and billionaires, but the problem today is they aren’t dying off quick enough. They keep hanging on and their money keeps piling up where the government can’t get ahold of it. And President really wants this money while he’s still in.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“There has been more “optimism” talked and less practiced than at any time during our history.  Every millionaire has offered a speech instead of keeping still and offering a job.  Our optimism is all at a banquet table, where everybody there has more than they can eat.” DT #1327, Oct. 24, 1930

 “They ain’t got a thing in the world the matter with ‘em only they are millionaires. You can’t legitimately kick on taxes when the money has been made. It’s taxes on farms, ranches and business property that has lost money for years (that) have the holler coming.” DT #2184, Aug. 3, 1933

“On an estate of say $10 million, why the government will take about 90 percent of it, and then giving the off-spring 10.  And then on estates of a 100 million, 200 million, a billion, and like that, well, the government just takes all of that and notifies the heirs, “Your father died a pauper here today, and he’s being buried by the Millionaires’ Emergency Burial Association.” Radio, April 28, 1935

Sept. 11, 2011

COLUMBUS: President Obama delivered his Jobs Speech to Congress, describing a new stimulus plan to create thousands of jobs with $450 Billion. Only problem is he doesn’t HAVE $450 Billion.

He played Santa Claus, and expects the 535 folks sitting in front of him that night to be the elves. He practically told them, “It’s September. I know you can come up with $450 Billion by Christmas.” And now, he’s traveling the country (in his sleigh), telling folks what great presents await them under the tree as long as Congress doesn’t turn into Scrooge.

Now, mind you, this is on top of the $1.5 Trillion Congress already has to save. Another thing they are trying to “save” is Medicare and Social Security so they don’t run dry in a few years. I believe I heard the President say that next year workers and their employers will get to keep about half of what they have been paying into Social Security. No doubt that’s popular with workers, but is the President trying to save Social Security, or bankrupt it quicker?

Secretary of Agriculture Tom Vilsack was in Columbus Friday to learn how engineers are coming up with useful products made from stuff we used to throw away. He learned how they are making rubber out of dandelions, and asphalt from cow manure. And when soybeans are turned into diesel fuel there’s a black gooey liquid left over. Would you believe that that gooey liquid now replaces oil in making the polyurethane cushions for the front seat of your Ford.

Vilsack, who you may remember was governor of Iowa, announced that, “Agriculture is cool again.” He could have also added that, economically, agriculture is really hot. With a few notable exceptions, farmers and ranchers did not see a recession. Even with the floods, drought, and hurricanes, they will have a bountiful harvest this year. I don’t know what kind of Christmas Congress and the President will have, but for most farmers it will be a merry one.

Saturday night Notre Dame and Michigan played a so-called “throw-back” football game.  For awhile I thought I saw Knute Rockne on the Irish sideline. But with 3 touchdowns in the final minute or so, old time football quickly turned into something even more exciting.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“You know, the national problem in this country today is not who shall be relieved and whose money shall relieve him, but who shall be the one that plays Santa Claus, and actually hands out the presents.” Radio broadcast, April 21, 1935

“I don’t know whether my old friend, Knute Rockne, and Notre Dame are going to win the world’s championship again this Fall, but he deserves it if they don’t win another game. For they are the only big team that starts playing tough teams right from the jump. These others play Rotary clubs and business colleges till about Thanksgiving, then have one tough game. Knute thinks if you got a football team, it ought to be a football team from the Fourth of July to Christmas.” DT #1310, Oct. 5, 1930