Author: Randall Reeder

Folks, those of you who read this by email or on my website know this is Weekly Comments #660. Well, Will Rogers wrote Weekly Articles, and his last one was #666. For the next 7 weeks, to honor his memory, I plan to include quotes from his WA of the same number as my WC.

Weekly Comments: President Obama trades shovels for golf clubs

COLUMBUS: That young Irishman Rory McIlroy showed everybody how to play golf this weekend at the U.S. Open.  Of course he wasn’t the only one golfing around Washington; President Obama invited Speaker Boehner and Ohio Governor Kasich to join him and the Vice-President in a round. “About all there is to prominent men nowadays is their golf. Just imagine if Lincoln had had golf to add to his other accomplishments. There is a boy you would have been proud of.” (1923)

President Obama announced the reason his stimulus program did not work was because a lot of so-called shovel-ready projects were not actually shovel-ready. Most of us knew that two years ago, but he just now learned it.

I’m no economist, but I think to put people to work he needs to build more shovels. Park all the bulldozers, backhoes and earth movers; give a shovel to all these thousands of new college and high school graduates without a job and let them do the digging. Of course one reason they are unemployed is because they did not do enough digging through the want ads four years ago. You would be surprised how many students had no clue that jobs were kinda scarce for young professionals in art, or European history, or flute, or interdisciplinary studies.

The President is concerned than technology is hurting the economy. He’s got it backwards. Technology grows the economy, even with fewer jobs. No contractor is going to replace a D9 Caterpillar with a hundred men with shovels. Look at farming. Nobody wants to hoe corn, pick cotton, shock wheat, pitch hay or milk cows. If a farmer can’t do it with a tractor and equipment, why it’s hard to find a man to do the work, unless maybe he’s from Mexico or China.

The Republicans held a debate on CNN. Newspapers criticized the 7 candidates because they only yelled at the President, not at each other. Remember, these are Republican candidates; it’s the Democrats that try to knock each other out. “Naturally the Republicans want to put their best side forward. They are just trying to figure out which side is their best.” (1932)

The Missouri River is at record levels because of too much rain. In Arizona, fires have burned over 800 square miles because of no rain. We can’t seem to get the weather we want where we need it.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers: (from Weekly Article #660)
 “A week or so back I went out to the flying field in Los Angeles to catch the plane for Seattle. Bill, that’s the first born, and his Mother were with me, and I was off on a little sightseeing trip with Wiley Post. When my wife knew it was with Wiley, it dident matter where it was we was going and she was mighty fine about it. Well, she is about everything. You can’t live with a comedian long without being mighty forgiving.
Seattle? That’s a whole story in itself. The Gateway to Alaska, to the Orient, to Canada. Have to tell you about that and seeing the big bombing plane they was just finishing for the Army. Biggest in the World [Boeing B-17, Flying Fortress].
Yes, sir, a plane is a great place to see anything, only the wings are right under where you want to look and you can’t see anything. Did really see Mount Shasta. They couldent hide it under the wings.” WA #660, written August 6 or 7, 1935

June 12, 2011

COLUMBUS: The stock market is going down, and  unemployment is headed up. If you want a job go to Texas, North Dakota or McDonalds.

The newspapers forced Alaska to print off all the emails sent by Governor Palin. Then they found they had laid off so many reporters they had to ask volunteers to read through ‘em all to dig up dirt. They offered prizes to the readers who found the dirtiest ones. Wonder which governor they will tackle next.

Actually what they were looking for in the emails was attached photos of Sarah. They’re tired of looking at Weiner’s.

The President is delighted with any news that draws attention away from the pending doom of the debt limit. When you’re spending ten dollars for every six you take in, the last thing you want is a front page story asking which four dollars you intend to cut.

The Republican candidates are having another debate. Tim Pawlenty, who has been described as dry and lacking enthusiasm, announced Sunday that, if elected, he has no intention of being the “Comedian-in-Chief”. That’s good news for comedians. We don’t need the competition.

Here is it the middle of June and the Dallas Mavericks knocked off the Miami Heat to finally end the basketball season. The only thing more out of place than basketball in June is ice hockey. LeBron James thought he had assembled an unbeatable team a few months ago, but Dirk Nowitzki has been building a team for a dozen years.

Defense Secretary Gates sure shot into a hornets nest when he criticized Europe for not carrying their weight. If France and Germany got half as mad at terrorists as they did at Gates, why the Taliban and Al Qaeda would be wiped out in a week. NATO has 28 countries, but they expect us to pay 75% of the bills. Europe likes to go to the beach for six weeks while Uncle Sam is their life guard. They get a tan, we get taken. Europeans dislike the prospect of war because they might have to buy another gun. Gadaffi is safe because Europe ran out of ammunition.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“Any fool can fight a war, but it takes a smart man to jar any loose change out of any part of Europe… It is much easier for America to whip a Nation than it is to collect a dollar from them. There is only one way we could be in worse with Europeans, and that is to have helped them out in two wars instead of one.” Saturday Evening Post, July 10, 1926

 “They say all (European) nations are sore at us, but unfortunately for us they didn’t get sore at us quick enough. If they had, we would have saved money. We are the ones that should be sore at them for not getting sore at us quicker.” DT #125, Dec. 29, 1926

“That’s one good thing about European nations: They can’t hate you so bad they wouldn’t use you.” Radio, March 31, 1935

June 5, 2011

COLUMBUS: Coach Jim Tressel and his wife Ellen were in church this morning (Sunday). That may surprise you. See, he was forced to resign from Ohio State University after a star quarterback traded some priceless sports memorabilia for tattoos and a fancy car. The coach tried to keep it a secret so he could get another good season out of the quarterback, especially another win over Michigan. But keeping secrets about broken rules is a hanging offense in college football akin to being in bed with the Devil. Well, today he was in the pews with the Methodists.

[update, June 7: the Quarterback who caused the problem also “resigned” from OSU]

For years, the symbol of Ohio State University has been Brutus Buckeye, proudly frolicking on the sidelines. For now, Brutus Buckeye has been replaced by a Deflated Football.

I just returned from Peoria, Illinois. This part of the state is always forced to explain that although they reside in the same state as Chicago, the only thing connecting them is the Illinois River. I saw a headline in the Chicago Tribune: Man kills 2, gets house arrest. Around here, the same murderer would never even see his house again, and certainly not get sent there permanently.

Last year I was here for the same event, international competition among college students to see which school can design and build the best Quarter-Scale Tractor for pulling. These are mostly agricultural engineering students, and they work all year. They start with a 31-horsepower engine from Briggs & Stratton and 2 tires from Titan, and figure out the rest themselves. Just like the big tractor pulls, the pulling is the most fun. But these students also write a report, give a speech about their tractor, and get questioned about details by engineers from Caterpillar, John Deere and the other companies. These students had fun while competing, and many will enjoy their future careers, designing tractors for real.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“Dr. Wilce, the Ohio State coach, just showed me their new stadium, seating 100,000, built by hard study and excellent scholarship. They lost to Michigan by a kick after touchdown [17-16]. He has 400 students practicing day and night in relays to kick goals… I suggested they practice making another touchdown, then they wouldn’t have to worry about the goal kicking.” DT #139, Jan. 14, 1927

 “After a football (soccer) game in Lima, Peru, five were killed… Up here we don’t kill our football players. We make coaches out of the smartest ones and send the others to the Legislature.” DT #1389, Jan. 5, 1931

May 29, 2011

COLUMBUS: In Oklahoma and Kansas they are accustomed to tornados, but this spring they have been hitting people that aren’t expecting them. Tuscaloosa, Alabama and Joplin, Missouri took the brunt of deadly tornados. About the only solution is to build underground, then a tornado can’t get you.

Of course, then along comes a flood and drowns out that idea. With a flood, you need to build up in the air so the water can flow along below you.  So I guess you gotta live in an elevator. Then you pick your level based on what disaster is predicted for that day.

Ohio is contributing more than it’s share of water to the Mississippi River flood. It has rained almost every day since early March and a lot of that water has ended up in the Mississippi. But enough of it stayed in Ohio that farm fields are too wet to even walk on. Iowa may have got their corn planted but Ohio is only ten percent done. It’s so wet, farmers need flotation tires for their tractors and corn planters. Not the wide, low-pressure tires. But tires that will actually float.

Isn’t Social Security supposed to have plenty of cash to last another twenty or thirty years? Then why does Treasury Secretary Geithner say that if Congress does not raise the debt ceiling, the first thing he will do is stop sending out Social Security checks? If there’s money in that account, then keep paying the folks. On the other hand, if that account has been emptied out like every other one in Washington, then admit it, and raise the future eligibility age up to where it needs to be to get in the black.

Then there’s Medicare. Former Speaker Nancy Pelosi says it’s perfect as is, just leave it alone. But Congressman Paul Ryan says in about ten years it will bankrupt the country and he proposed changes to keep it afloat. Now how can two bright people serving in Congress look at the same thing, and see two entirely different outcomes?

We all ask, why do politicians wait until the last possible minute to tackle a problem that’s been in clear view for years. Well, ever since Ryan introduced his bill to reduce the federal deficit for the long haul it has been tacked on a wall in Washington, and Democrats (and a few Republicans), are throwing darts at it. The aim, no matter which party, is to wait for the other guy to make the first move, then oppose it and try to keep the voters ignorant through the next election.

Republican candidates for President keep popping up. Every time one prospect drops out, three more jump in. Sarah Palin has a bus, but it’s gonna take more than a bus to hold ‘em all. They need a train with a bunch of coach cars, and a caboose to carry their excess baggage. A  few of  them have excess baggage they hope to lose. Some candidates admit that most of the country does not know them. Shucks, even the other candidates don’t know them.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“People are voting policies now, not (political) partys. We are living in a time when if one or the other of these partys don’t start delivering an economic government to the people, they are both going out on their ears.” WA #521, Dec. 18, 1932

 “Congress won’t have anything to settle much (in the next session), outside of unemployment, two billion deficit, arrange extra taxes where they will do least harm next November, relieve Wall Street and think up something new to promise farmers.” DT #1672, Dec. 2, 1931

Nothing new about Israel-Palestine clashes COLUMBUS: The so-called preacher who predicted the world would end Saturday had to come up with a new sermon Sunday morning. He titled it “Oops”. You gotta feel sorry for the folks he hoodwinked into giving him all their money and possessions since the world was ending anyway. Do you think he will repay them? Not a chance. He’ll probably come out in a week or two and blame it on the metric system. He calculated using American units, but God (and the rest of the world) uses metrics. Exactly how long is a cubit? President Obama wants to make peace with the Palestinians by giving them half of Israel. Let’s hope he doesn’t propose to make peace with Mexico by giving them half of Texas. He wants a “pre-1967 border” for Israel. Well, if you’re going to go back in history why not go back three thousand years and ask for a “pre-1000 B.C. border”. Back then Israel reached about 60 miles north of Damascus (including a big chunk of Syria), and was about 100 miles wide. I imagine Israel would gladly give up a few thousand acres of that land in return for peaceful relations with Palestine. Asking Israel to return to a time when their capitol on the Mediterranean was only 9 miles from the enemy’s guns would be like living in downtown Chicago with guns aimed at it from Cicero. Of course if the Israelis and Palestinians got along as well with each other as folks from those two Illinois cities, then it could work out for all of them. In church this morning, Tom Slack (a real preacher) uttered a prayer for everyone harmed by the Mississippi River. He said, “We made a decision to protect areas where people live close together and a flood would cause tremendous damage, and to sacrifice areas where people live far apart and a flood would cause tremendous damage.” There’s a message in that prayer all religions can agree on. Spend your money on flood victims, not end-of-the-world billboards. Historic quotes by Will Rogers: “I thought they had the Jerusalem and Palestine thing pretty well settled as to who’s it was. But it seems those Arabs have broke out again. Why don’t the Jewish people recruit a lot of those east side boys from New York and out in Chicago that fought so good in the war, and send them over there? You can’t lick those Arabs with mass meetings and passing resolutions. Instead of going to that Wailing Wall with just some wails, why, take a gun. That would break ‘em from interrupting prayer meetings.” DT #966, August 30, 1929  “The Islam women in Jerusalem have asked their government to take their veils off and allow the bride and bridegroom to see each other before marriage. It won’t do ‘em any good. We don’t use ‘em over here, but you would think we did.” DT #1273, August 24, 1930  “Today saw Jerusalem, Dead Sea and Bethlehem (from the air). Never catch me traveling over here again unless I have read the Book.” DT #1709, January 15, 1932

May 15, 2011

COLUMBUS: The Mississippi River keeps spreading over more farmland. Two spillways, at Morganza and Bonnet Carre, were opened to help save Baton Rouge and New Orleans. Land in Arkansas and Missouri has already been flooded on purpose. The government does not have an easy decision, whether to drown out thousands of acres of crops already growing in order to prevent flooding of thousands of homes and industries down river.
Just like in 1927, the Red Cross is already there. They need your donations.
Meanwhile in the Midwest it keeps on raining. And where they need rain, in Texas and western Oklahoma, the wheat crop is dying from drought.
The government is about to run out of money. Treasurer Geithner is gonna have to keep paying the interest on our debts, but he can cut back on other spending. I suggest he look up the salaries of people who have been added to the payroll in Washington, DC, since the 2008 election and hold those checks awhile.
If the debt limit news ain’t bad enough, we learned this week that Social Security and  Medicare will run out of money sooner than predicted. We’ve got to work longer and stay healthy or the whole country will drown, not just the Mississippi Valley.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers: (on the Flood of 1927)

“I don’t really believe that 80 or 90 per cent of the people realize just what flood disaster means, and what type of people it is that lost most by this particular horror.
The poorest class of people in this country is the renter farmer, or the ones that tends the little patch of ground on shares. He is in debt from one crop to the other to the store keeper, or the little local bank. He never has a dollar that he can call his own.
Then when you talk about poor people that have been hit by this flood, look at the thousands and thousands of Negroes that never did have much, but now it’s washed away. You don’t want to forget that water is just as high up on them as it is if they were white.     What gets my Goat is hearing constantly, “Why don’t those people move out of there? There are floods every year.” How are they going to move? Who is going to move ’em? Where are they going to move to, and what are they going to do when they move there? … Wait till a calamity hits where you are, and then they can ask, “Why don’t you move?”” WA #230,  May 8, 1927

(At Baton Rouge) “I have flew over more water today than Lindbergh did, only this had housetops sticking out of it.” DT #270, June 2, 1927

 “A Navy flier took me for hundreds of miles over nothing but a sea of water and housetops.  If you have never seen a flood you don’t know what horror is… Spillways is the only thing they can build, so these smartest of Government Engineers told me. They can’t get the levees any higher and save it. They have to put in some way of relieving the river of part of the water. It’s got to be done.” WA #236, June 19, 1927

May 8, 2011

COLUMBUS: The Mississippi River is roaring down through the middle of the country. It may not have the immediate destruction of tornados and fires, but a big flood can wreak havoc for months.
This flood on the Mississippi will be worse than the one in 1927, even with all the levees built since then. You folks remember the 1993 flood, but it was mainly upstream of where the Ohio dumps in. This year it’s mainly downstream from the confluence with the Ohio, all the way to the Gulf.
The government spent billions building levees and now they are deciding which ones to blow up. It seems a town in Illinois is worth more than thousands of acres of farms in Missouri. They’re going to destroy another levee or two farther down river to save more towns.
These towns, they could have been built anywhere, but a farm has to be where the land is. The farmer can’t just haul the soil up on the side of a hill and say, “This is where I want to raise my corn and cotton.”
I hope the levees protecting these towns and cities hold back the water. Those folks will be overjoyed and donate all they can to help the flooded farmers recover, even if it takes years.
Last week at this time is when I heard that we had killed Osama bin Laden in Pakistan, in a suburb of the capital. Later the Navy buried him at sea. Can’t you just imagine, as bin Laden was sinking beneath the waves, he was thinking, “Ok, I’ll settle for 72 mermaids.”
Some folks are demanding to see the photos of bin Laden. Here’s a better idea: make a half-dozen prints and send them by courier to those next in line to head up Al-Qaida and the Taliban. Send one to Qaddaffi, too. Include a note that says, “Guess who’s next.”

Historic quotes by Will Rogers: (on the1927 flood)

 “I don’t believe our people that have never been around a flood area realize the tremendous need of these sufferers down on the Mississippi. It’s by far the worst thing that has happened in this country in years.” DT #236, April 25, 1927

 “I got a wire from a very influential club in New Orleans saying: “The Government has cut our levee and overflowed five counties, so that the SEWERAGE from Chicago, Kansas City, St. Louis and Memphis can get past Canal Street here in New Orleans.” I wonder if there ain’t a bit of truth in that statement.” WA #231, May 15, 1927

“Another levee broke today; another hundred thousand standing on the banks. Don’t forget that when you eat your big dinner and sleep in a nice dry bed tonight.” DT #263, May 25, 1927

Folks,
The news about bin Laden came just as I was finishing this column Sunday night. Osama bin Laden had been at war with us for about 20 years. Let’s pray that his death will bring about change in the Middle East and among Muslims around the world.

Osama bin Laden DEAD
May 1, 2011

COLUMBUS: Congress has been off for two weeks. The news void was filled mainly by Donald Trump. And a wedding.

The debt limit on our Visa card is about to be topped. Can you imagine this conversation between you and your banker?
“Yes, I know you have raised my credit limit several times. You doubled it in less than ten years, but I still need to borrow more.”
“Sir, you are a valued customer. What are you doing to get your finances in order?
“Well, we printed a bunch of dollar bills recently. Of course we printed twice as many a couple years ago, and that didn’t help either. Our debt just keeps rising. Say, maybe you could lower our interest rate again. Pretty please.”
“Sir, the interest rate we charge you is already down to zero. And what was that you said about counterfeiting money?”
“Counterfeiting? No, no, we would never counterfeit. We call it quantitative easing. It spends just like real money. Nobody even notices what we’ve done until they go to buy something, like gasoline or food.”
“Sir, our Board of Directors meets this week. I’ll let you know what they decide about your credit limit.”

Back in the real world, weather is raising havoc across the country. You know about the deadly tornados in Alabama and other southern states. In the Midwest it rained the whole month of April, and farmers have not planted any corn or soybeans yet. In fact most farmland has more ducks on it than tractors. By the time the water drains off and the land is dry enough to plant, most farmers will already know they can’t possibly get as many bushels as last year.

Oh, I need to apologize to you folks. Last week I was complaining that gas prices were up to $3.90. Well, my little comment riled up the oil companies so much, the next day they raised it to $4.15. So I’m laying off oil.

Last week President Obama said he did not have a “silver bullet” to lower oil prices. Well, the one that took out Osama bin Laden may be a start to lower prices.

The President announced he wants to end the $4,000,000,000 subsidies to oil companies. It sounds like a reasonable plan to help reduce the debt. But no, he wants to give the $4,000,000,000 to solar and wind companies instead. Then there are other reasonable folks who want to end the subsidy for ethanol from corn, and payments to farmers. They all say they want to lower the price of gasoline and food. Well, that would probably have the opposite effect. Do you think eliminating subsidies on solar and wind would lower their cost? Not a chance.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:
“A war over religion is really the most bitter.” WA #350, Sept. 8, 1929

April 24, 2011

COLUMBUS: Everything in Washington today is run by polls. Nobody who has the job of making decisions about the future of the country will say or do anything important until after some pollster calls a few voters to see how it will fly.

Polls are fine to help pick a top football team, but whether you want the financing of Medicaid or Medicare based on a poll, I got my doubts.

In one poll, 70 percent of Americans say the country is “on the wrong track.” They should have asked the other 30% to point out the “right track.” That way the folks running the locomotive can perhaps get us switched over to it before the train goes off a cliff.

According to a poll, nobody likes Congress. Well, almost nobody. Their approval rating is 9%. The only problem is, the other 91% can’t agree on what they disapprove of. I bet close to half of that 91% is mad at the Senate and the other half is mad at the House. Are they mad because the budget is being cut, or because it is not being cut enough? The only “approval rating” a Congressman pays attention to is in his own district. And as long as that is above 50% on election day, he’s happy.

A New York Times poll asked whether the 2% of the population who make more than $250,000 should pay more income taxes. As you ponder that for a moment, would you be surprised if 98% said “Yes?” But actually, only about 75% want them to foot more of the bill. Even among the Democrats, who have a habit of asking someone else to pick up the tab, less than 85% agreed. Since these high earners pay about half of all income taxes, maybe the next poll should ask what percent of our total tax bill those folks should cover.

Standard & Poor’s didn’t need a poll to decide that our credit rating is about to get worse. They announced what plenty of folks already knew, that if the government keeps spending 40% more than it is taking in, even China will stop loaning us money.
Gas prices hit $3.90 in Ohio. I hope they are lower where you live. President Obama said on the radio this weekend that presidents do not have “a silver bullet that can bring down gas prices.” He also said he feels our pain, but I’m not so sure because when his limousine pulls up to the gas pump, it’s not his credit card that they use. It’s ours.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:
“The Literary Digest is taking a poll to see how many people there are in the United States who are interested in politics that can write their name. Up to now there has been about a third more Republicans that can write than Democrats. Course, when election day comes and all you have to do is make your mark, why I think the Democratic total will pick up. Republicans have to learn to write on account of signing checks, but Democrats never have to be bothered with that.” DT #695, Oct. 18, 1928

April 17, 2011

COLUMBUS: Let’s see if I got this straight. Republicans voted to reduce the deficit by cutting  $400,000,000,000 a year from the budget using Congressman Ryan’s plan. Then President Obama announced a plan to reduce the deficit by raising taxes, but he didn’t say how much they would raise.
The deficit is $1,600,000,000,000. If what I learned in fourth grade arithmetic is still in order, and we subtract $400,000,000,000 in the Republican plan, that leaves $1,200,000,000,000 in added taxes favored by the Democrats. The Republicans have told what they want to cut, so now it’s up to the Democrats to tell what taxes they want to add, and persuade taxpayers to send it in. If you’re wondering about your share, on average it’s the same as last year plus 40 percent.
But when you leave out the half that don’t earn enough to pay anything, well, for the rest of us, the government will just ask, “How much did you make?” Whatever you answer, they’ll say, “Send it in.”
During President Obama’s speech on reducing the deficit, we all saw the video of Vice-President Biden sleeping.  It was a boring speech, mainly on raising taxes. The only real budget reduction he offered was when he said, “I’ll cut the Vice-President’s salary in half.”  That’s when Joe woke up.
The same idea ought to work on the air traffic controllers.
Of course these are not the only men that ever went to sleep on the job. Those of us celebrating Easter this week will remember that Jesus took his disciples into a garden and said, “Stay here and keep watch.” But instead of keeping watch they fell asleep. It was while he was praying, and right after he had fed them a big Supper.
Air traffic controllers have a tough job, except in the middle of the night. The solution for one that dozes off at 3:00 a.m. with no airplanes in sight is a Taser. Just let him nap until he’s needed, then if he doesn’t answer the incoming pilot, he gets Tasered.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:
“Diary of a United States Senate trying to find $2,000,000,000 that they have already spent but didn’t have.
Monday – Soak the rich.
Tuesday – Begin hearing from the rich. Tuesday afternoon – Decide to give the rich a chance to get richer.
Wednesday – Tax Wall Street stock sales.
Thursday – Get word from Wall Street, “Lay off us or you will get no campaign contributions.” Thursday afternoon – Decide “We was wrong about Wall Street.”
Friday – Soak the little fellow.
Saturday – Find out there is no little fellow. He has been soaked till he is drowned.
Sunday – Meditate.
Next week – Same procedure, only more talk and less results.” DT #1806, May 8, 1932