Category: Uncategorized

July 13, 2003

COLUMBUS: Jerry Springer is running for the Senate and he riled up some Ohio folks last week. He kinda poked fun at a fine little town in the northwest corner of the state named Hicksville. Now anybody in Ohio knows a candidate does not joke about Ohio. No, to get elected here, you make fun of Michigan.

But Jerry posed for a picture under the Hicksville sign at the edge of town. He is selling those pictures at $100 and kinda claiming it will be “weirdos and hicks” that will give him enough votes to win.

If you’ve ever watched his television show you can see how he might get almost all of those constituents. And even in a great state like Ohio, if they all vote, it could carry an election. But here is the question his campaign has to answer: Can any of them can scrape up $100 for the picture?

You remember last week I referred to emails offering millions from Nigeria. I was getting maybe two a month. But business seems to have picked up with the President’s visit. I’m up to two a day now. The amount they want to deposit in my personal bank account hasn’t changed, but the percentage they say I can keep has gone up.

But I ain’t biting. Shucks, I don’t even subscribe to magazines from Publishers Clearing House, and their offer works out about the same.

Amazing weather in Ohio today. No rain. Folks here have forgotten how it is to walk around without an umbrella and galoshes. Storms knocked down a lot of electric lines, which is a big problem for city folk. Out in the country everyone is used to downed power lines so they’re ready for it. Why, some remember a time when they had no electric lines. The Amish still don’t.

Our former President, Gerald Ford, turns 90 tomorrow. He is quite a golfer, so don’t be surprised if he plays a round and shoots his age. Betty may go with him to drive the cart.

Historic quote from Will Rogers:

“They may call me a rube and a hick, but I’d a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it.” (Undated)

July 6, 2003

COLUMBUS: This fellow over in Liberia, Charles Taylor, has been causing a ruckus for a few years, and a lot of folks want him to leave the country, including our own President Bush. He’s giving Liberia a bad name, nothing at all like what our President Monroe had in mind when he founded the country two hundred years ago.

So today Nigeria stepped in and offered to let President Taylor visit them for a spell. Now on the surface that seems mighty generous of Nigeria, to take this scoundrel off the hands of his own people.

But you’ve got to watch these offers from Nigeria. I get a couple a month myself, and they sound mighty generous at first. They dangle millions of dollars in front of your face, but they always end up asking for your bank account number and your mothers maiden name.

So if I was Taylor, before accepting any long term deal, I would ask Nigeria what they charge for room and board. He may decide he can do better with the World Court. Their accommodations are free, and might be for life.

President Bush turned 57 today, and is heading to Africa for a week, stopping in Uganda, Senegal, Botswana, South Africa, and yes, Nigeria. George W. is a businessman, so you can be sure he won’t accidently let out his bank number.

He is liable to let out a few checks, however, drawn on our US Treasury. But it’ll be only a few million dollars and loose change, because Africa don’t have many electoral votes.

Here in Ohio, Governor Taft is looking for more revenue to balance the budget. He missed on the $200 million Powerball last night, along with Gray Davis and everyone else. Today he is organizing a posse to go after the $25 million reward on Saddam’s head. If he can get both sons, too, he has promised new schools for another one of Ohio’s 600 school districts that claim to be poverty stricken.

A few months ago Switzerland, high up in the snow covered Alps, won the world championship of Yachting, and this week it was announced that an oceanfront city, at sea level, Vancouver, will host the Winter Olympics. Does this seem backwards to you?

They do understand, don’t they, that “skiing”, means downhill, not pulled behind a boat. Vancouver is a wonderful city and it seems better suited for beach volleyball than grand slaloms.

Here in America we celebrated Independence Day, July 4. If you are reading this, it means you survived the holiday. Time magazine devoted a whole issue to one of our Founding Fathers, Ben Franklin. “I” am humbled at the small mention on page 45, and in the same sentence, no less, with our great humorist, Mark Twain. I know that Twain would agree, to be called a Ben Franklin “descendant” is the highest of honors, especially in the absence of DNA evidence.

Our friend and fellow imposter, Ralph Archbold, received a full page. He is “Ben Franklin”, an institution in Philadelphia, and an inspiration for all of us other “weirdo” characters.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“(President Herbert) Hoover was the most able, conscientious man, but he just couldn’t help worrying about Europe, or China, or Madagascar, or Liberia or somewhere. If he could have let them carry their own load for a while, everything would have been better, but he was what you call a world humanitarian.” WA #535, March 26, 1933

“When the Fourth of July and a Sunday come together there just ain’t anything to do on Monday but send flowers. Fireworks killed and maimed everybody that had a match. Rip tides in the ocean just wait for a holiday to get their quota, and autos got what was left. About the only sure way to keep from being hurt on the Fourth of July is to participate in one of our heavyweight prize fights.” DT #1545, July 6, 1931

June 29, 2003

WESTON, West Va.: The Supreme Court finally made up its mind on law school enrollment and set off a storm in places. That decision didn’t raise even an eyebrow around here. The only concern in these parts is, with thousands wanting into the University of Michigan law school, that they only let in a few hundred like it is now. It don’t matter WHO they let in, the real concern is HOW MANY they let out.

When you live in a country where ten times as many folks want to be lawyers as there is room for in the schools, it just shows you what a catastrophe is around the corner if all of them were to become lawyers. We already have ten times as many as Japan. What would we do with a hundred times more.

Which brings us to telemarketers. There’s about 6 million of these telemarketers that’s been living off the gullibility of the other 250 million, so the government set up a system where we can call in and get our phone removed from their speed dialer. Now, either the government underestimated how unpopular those folks are, or they have no idea how many phones we have in this country. If telemarketers can only call the folks that want to be annoyed there would be so few of them left they could all fit in one phone booth.

That leaves just two groups that can legally pester us by phone, Political Parties and Charities, and the way things are today, the Democrats qualify under both. Frankly, I ain’t sure which is worse: a man wanting to sell you aluminum siding when you live in a brick house; or a solicitor calling for a $100 donation to the “Deputy Sheriffs Benevolence Association” (not to be confused with the Police Captains League, or the Law Officer Widows and Orphans Fund) when you know he will rake three-fourths off the top.

Are you like me? I’ve received hundreds of calls, maybe thousands, and I can’t recall a single one where I would say, “boy, was I lucky the fellow called me with that special offer.” Whether it was Wall Street stocks, storm windows, septic tank cleaning, magazine subscriptions, term life insurance, or a Florida vacation, there wasn’t a one of those products or services I couldn’t have dug up myself if the need arose, and probably for half the price.

With 6 million unemployed talkers on the loose, no telling where they’ll turn up. They may invent a new political party just to keep the money coming in. Call it Telecrats. Their theme: “We still want to reach out and touch someone”.

Or worse, what if they all apply to the Michigan Law school?

But more likely, they’ll trade in their telephone for a computer and deluge us with spam.

We lost some fine prominent people lately. Gregory Peck, Mayor Maynard Jackson, Senator Strom Thurmond at 100, and today, Katharine Hepburn, age 96.

Folks who have heard me speak in the last few years know that I kidded about Strom’s age. “I” claimed we were born in the same year (1879), but you know he was much younger.

Now Katharine Hepburn was a special lady. (see quotes below) She won an Academy Award in 1933, and then three more with the last one for “On Golden Pond” in 1981. Not many folks can lay claim to being the best in their profession, then 48 years later still be the best.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers: (on Katharine Hepburn… and lawyers)

“…my old friend, Fred Stone, is out in front, and I want to do a good show for him. He’s got a great job out here in the movies now playing Katharine Hepburn’s pappy. Boy, I’d like to get in one of those things with Katie. I wouldn’t care where I played. I’d just like to get in there.” Radio broadcast, June 9, 1935

“Fred Stone… is simply great in his first (talking) picture. He is playing with the charming person Miss Hepburn, and the picture is immense and of course she is marvelous as usual, but so is Fred.” Weekly Article #658, August 4, 1935      (note: the movie was “Alice Adams”.)

“The minute you read something and you can’t understand it you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer. Then if you give it to another lawyer to read and he don’t know just what it means, why then you can be sure it was drawn up by a lawyer. If it’s in a few words and is plain and understandable only one way, it was written by a non-lawyer.
Every time a lawyer writes something, he is not writing for posterity, he is writing so that endless others of his craft can make a living out of trying to figure out what he said, course perhaps he hadent really said anything, that’s what makes it hard to explain.
But Lord if we go into the things that are useless, why two thirds of the world would have to turn to manual labor. That’s really the only essential thing there is.” WA #257, July 28, 1935

Historic note: I believe that Hepburn’s death leaves only one living prominent person that Will referred to by name in his writings or radio broadcasts. That person is Shirley Temple.

June 22, 2003

COLUMBUS: I’ve been out wandering over Ohio, learning about conserving soil and water. First it was at Circleville, hometown of Joe E. Brown. Then up to Wooster for a conference where they honored two old professors that started working on no-tillage forty years ago. Their research plots are still producing results and still showing how plowing on slopes lets the soil wash away over the years.

These fellows are Glover Triplett and Dave VanDoren, and while they aren’t as famous as Burbank or Carver, the no-till revolution they started along with some other folks around the country is catching hold. You throw in some farmers like Bill Richards and Jim Kinsella and you’ve got some high level thinking that beats most of what passes for wisdom coming out of Washington these days.

Not everybody is so hot on this no-till idea. There’s some folks that figure we ought to grow crops with no fertilizer and no chemicals, just round up about ten million workers every summer and give ’em a hoe to chop weeds, then in winter they can shovel out the barns.

Down in Australia they have a name for this conservation farming: Landcare. You take care of the land and it’ll take care of you. Everybody’s for it. This Landcare idea might spread to these shores if we’re fortunate.

These no-till farmers are not only growing crops they are banking carbon. Storing excess carbon in the soil is a whole lot smarter than letting it float around in the air. There’s more to farming than what comes off the land. What stays with the land counts, too.

North Carolina had a big contest yesterday. I’m not referring to the Hollering event in Spivey’s Corner, although that’s a big one. If fact you won’t find bigger voices anywhere, even on American Idol.

No, the big competition I’m talking about was in Raleigh to see who gets to be the next Miss North Carolina. What makes this such a big deal, more so than in any other state, is what happened last year. You might recollect that the winner, Rebekah Revels, had to give her crown to the runner-up because her no account ex-boyfriend threatened to print some photos he never should have took in the first place.

Last month she said she wanted the crown back, at least long enough to crown the new Miss North Carolina. This posed an embarrassing problem for pageant officials because the former runner-up said she was well qualified to do the crowning, and didn’t need Rebekah’s help.

Now, it just wouldn’t do to have these two beautiful women on stage fighting over one crown. Those crowns have points, and they’re tipped with cut diamonds. Now, let me ask you, would you want them out there with a sharp object?

That left the officials with another problem, who would do the crowning? They needed someone with experience, someone with charm, with flair. Just about any former Miss NC qualified, but they settled on my old friend, Jeanne Swanner Robertson. It was forty years ago that Jeanne represented North Carolina in the Miss America pageant, and she holds two distinctions. No contestant has ever been funnier, and none has ever been taller.

To put this development in perspective, just imagine if the Democratic Party said to those nine folks campaigning for President, “Go on back home, we’re nominating Pat Paulsen instead.” Or, suppose you were to turn out your county sheriff and replace him with Mayberry’s Andy Griffith.

So Jeanne brushed off the mothballs and her sense of humor and geared up for the big night. She told me last week, “I’ve been holding in my stomach, smiling and practicing the pageant wave. My plan is to tape up the sagging areas on my body, a process that will take approximately twenty-four hours. I fully intend to walk out on stage on my own accord and unassisted. I’m ready, but at this point in my life, if they give me a scholarship, I will not, I repeat, will not, go back to school. The biggest problem so far, is I put Vaseline on my teeth, and then I couldn’t remember where I put my teeth.”

You know they always let the past winner, just before she relinquishes the crown, kinda summarize what all she’s been up to since being crowned. Usually they allow about five minutes. This time, with forty years to cover, nobody knows how long Jeanne will go on. And they’ll be laughing so hard no one will care.

I’ve gone on a bit longer than normal myself. But I figured, if twelve year olds can read 800 pages of Harry Potter at one sitting, then a page and a half isn’t too much to lay out for the rest of you. Between J. K. Rowling and Senator Clinton, there hasn’t been so much reading since Mark Twain and McGuffey were in their prime.

Prince William turned 21 this weekend, and next Saturday another popular Englishman, the old Methodist himself, John Wesley celebrates birthday number 300. The way things are going, young Will may have to live just as long before he ever gets to be King.

Historic quote from Will Rogers:

“I have prowled the width and breadth of that wonderfully progressive state of North Carolina. Their citizens have been mighty good to me in time of need. I have sold ’em a mighty poor grade of jokes, but which they always seemed to accept either out of sheer generosity, or simply because they had nowhere else to go.” WA #557, August 27, 1933

June 15, 2003

COLUMBUS: This is Father’s Day. In 1930, “I” proposed the following for Father’s Day. “No flowers, no fuss, just let him use the car himself and go where he wants to. But we will never live to see such a contented day.” (DT #1183, May 11, 1930)

To that list for 2003, I would add, “no rain, no spam.”

Christopher Reeve was here Friday for a graduation speech. He reminded the students of some of the discouraging news they may have missed lately (cheating CEO’s, Catholic priests, New York Times reporter, Sosa’s corked bat) then challenged them to “maintain your integrity in a culture that has devalued it.”

He told them “you have already learned compassion for your fellow human beings,” and “you don’t need to break your neck to learn the value of living consciously.”

After the speech he visited the folks at the university rehab clinic that’s been serving accident victims for forty years. He was speaking with a dozen or so patients in wheelchairs, but their doctors and physical therapists and a few others were listening in. He encouraged them to do what the physical therapists advise, work harder, go farther, lift more and “exercise to keep your body healthy for the time when all parts are working again, and drink plenty of cranberry juice.” He implored them to have the “mental attitude to keep working, don’t give up and don’t accept limits.”

As I pondered over his comments I wondered, could any of us so-called able bodied folks ever receive any better advice? Christopher Reeve, an actor worth listening to.

Our preacher this morning quoted Art Linkletter, “It’s better to be a super dad than a superstar.” Listening to Mr. Reeve I would add, “It’s better to be a super person than a Superman.”

I’ll keep this short so you can get back to Hillary’s Memoirs.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do, well, that’s Memoirs.” Saturday Evening Post, March 12, 1932

“If you ever injected truth into politics you would have no politics.” WA #31, July 15, 1923

June 7, 2003 WESTON, West Va.: I am just finishing up a week’s vacation without ever leaving the county. And, yes, just like where you are, it rained most days. Rainy days ain’t all bad. If it’s not fit to do all the great things you had planned, why you can always visit old haunts and old friends, set on the porch and catch up on years gone by. Rain gets you out of hoeing weeds in the garden, temporarily. Rain on a tin roof can help a man sleep sounder, even in mid afternoon. Weston held their city election Tuesday, with five running for mayor. Two years ago in the same election two men tied, or near to it, and it took most of the two years to figure out who won. That ballot battle made Florida’s 2000 chad-plagued race seem like a cake walk. Since the rain canceled my other plans I volunteered to help report the returns on the radio, WHAW. It’s the biggest station in the county, also the only one, but you can hear it all over the state, and even the world, through the internet. I was pulling for a result that would have put Weston in the history books, a five-way tie. I took along a suitcase and about a hundred pounds of nuts and dried fruit in case we were holed up in the studio for a week or two. We went on at seven and by half past nine, the last of the votes were counted, the incumbent was declared the winner and the town went back to sleep. So Weston is stuck, for now, with whatever history they have already made, and I’m stuck with a year’s supply of peanuts, dried apricots and prunes. Today, I’m at their annual Carp Festival, held on the banks of the West Fork River. While other towns celebrate their prize bass, trout or muskies, these folks fish for carp and use those other fish for bait. They set up a stage for a whole series of musical performers, mainly bluegrass and gospel, and I came on long enough to give the fellows a break. With all the rain, I doubt anyone would have been shocked if Noah himself had walked out on stage. But some were surprised to see Will Rogers. I reported on what I read in the morning paper. (Those folks had been so busy fishing, no time to read.) Headline said, “Unemployment is Up”. Well, Weston contributed to those figures with four out of five candidates suddenly out of work. Here’s another item, “Ken Heckler eyes race for Sec. of State”. That shows you right there the root of our unemployment numbers. Mr. Heckler is 89, and trying to knock some youngster out of a job. I’ve got to go. I hear another thunderstorm approaching. Historic quote from Will Rogers: “(I flew) down to Tulsa, Oklahoma….. was met by my Sister and driven to her home in Chelsea. Well for the next few days I did nothing but just visit around with all my folks and old Cronies, made no dates, just get in the car and go see ’em. The family couldent get over the idea that there was not some place I had to rush to make a Lecture date every night.” WA #354, October 6, 1929

# 275, May 28, 2003

COLUMBUS: Jack Nicklaus is hosting his annual golf tournament next door to us in Dublin. He says Annika will be welcome anytime she qualifies. She didn’t, so Tiger figures it’s safe for him to play here.

Annika didn’t do as well as she hoped in the Colonial last week. But she beat a dozen men and earned the respect of the others. She didn’t win, but she came out of Ft. Worth a whole lot better off than Martha Burk at the Masters. Folks are comparing her to that all-around great athlete Babe Didrickson Zeharias. She didn’t win any golf championships against men either, but that didn’t stop her from taking them on more than once. Perhaps if Annika takes up swimming, running hurdles and a couple of other sports, she can get her golf game on a par with Babe.

I read in the paper where Saudi Arabia is asking its Muslim clerics to stop preaching against Jews and Christians. That’s almost as big as the news that Sharon is ready to recognize the Palestinians. Either one, if it happens, could go a long way toward improving civilization. If Muslims quit preaching against Christians, maybe we can get our conservative Christians to give up preaching against Democrats.

Bob Hope, our greatest entertainer for the last two-thirds of the twentieth century, turns 100 tomorrow. He was born in England, but his family moved to Cleveland when he was 4, and Cleveland is a good place to be from if you want to be a comedian. From small shows he got into vaudeville, then movies, and on to radio in 1938 for NBC. He stayed with NBC for 62 years. Most of us find it hard to stick with one network for 30 minutes.

Bob always had a talent for comedy, and he had another skill– hiring great writers. Sure he had writers, but no matter how many comedy writers he hired, he was always the head writer.

And he had golf, and was always ready to play a round (or around, according to some folks).

You might surmise from Bob Hope that the secret of long life is golf and laughter. I ain’t so sure golf contributes to longevity, but any golfer that can’t laugh at his own game would be well advised to write an early epitaph.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others.” WA #49, Nov. 18, 1923

“Golfers are a cheerful lot, win or lose, wives and all. They laugh it off, take the husband home, dress him up and send him back for another beating on the morrow. But don’t kid yourself Comrades that there is nothing to this game. Put $3500 smackers down and tell us we had one putt to win it. I think I would be so nervous I would pick up the caddy and swing him at it.” WA #366, Dec. 29, 1929

“About all that there is to prominent men nowadays is their golf. It has always been a mystery to me how our old time men ever got even as good as they were without golf. Just imagine if Lincoln had had golf to add to his other accomplishments. There is a boy you would have been proud of.” WA #15, March 23, 1923

May 21, 2003

KANSAS CITY: It’s been raining quite a bit here, and the farmers are glad. And not just in Missouri and Kansas, but all across our middle west. They tell me most of the corn and soybeans were planted in April, so this rain is just what the crops need to get off to a good start.

This country is back on Orange Alert. I can’t remember if that means we need to stock up on duct tape, but one thing is certain, if you’re flying, you had better wear clean socks. These airport security folks are not about to let anyone sneak on a plane with explosives in their shoes. You take off your shoes and they run ’em through an x-ray, and maybe a microwave oven and pasteurizer. All I know is, when my leather boots came out they had more shine than usual, and not a trace of black powder, dynamite, or mad cow disease.

Down in Ft. Worth, Texas, home of “my” old friend Amon Carter, Annika Sorenstam is taking on the men tomorrow in a golf tournament. Every man on the course has just two goals; win the championship, and above all, don’t finish behind Annika.

Tiger Woods called her to wish her luck. Yes, and you’ll notice that Tiger had the good sense not to play against her this week. He’s going to let Phil Mickelson and the rest of the boys sweat this one out in the Texas heat.

The New York Times has been in the news (rather than reporting the news), because of a reporter named Jayson Blair. That’s where the problems started; he called himself a reporter instead of a humorist. See, a humorist is allowed to exaggerate, or even encouraged. Now mind you, good humor is still based on fact.

Where a good reporter writes down every word, or records it, a humorist just hears something and remembers it the best he can. And sometimes he remembers it funnier than it was said. This is not only accepted for a humorist, it’s applauded.

But a reporter, if he makes up a quote or a fact, or claims he is in Washington interviewing the President when he’s really sitting on his back porch on Long Island, well it just isn’t done. So Jason Blair is not a reporter, and probably never was.

Is he a humorist? I don’t know, but nobody at the Times is laughing.

Historic quote from Will Rogers:

(Will started writing his “Daily Telegrams” at the request of New York Times publisher Adolph Ochs in July 1926. Within weeks they were appearing in 600 newspapers, 6 days a week, through the McNaught syndicate. But the Times was not always pleased with Will’s writing. On at least two occasions they did not print his column, and once they wrote a condescending editorial half-apologizing for Will’s views. A few days later Will got the last word with the following DT, which of course was published across the whole country.)

“I would like to state to the readers of THE NEW YORK TIMES that I am in no way responsible for the editorial or political policy of this paper. I allow them free rein as to their opinion, so long as it is within the bounds of good subscription gathering.
But I want it distinctly understood that their policy may be in direct contrast to mine. Their editorials may be put in purely for humor, or just to fill space. Every paper must have its various entertaining features, and their editorials are not always to be taken seriously, and never to be construed as my policy.” DT #1979, Dec. 7, 1932

COLUMBUS: Bin Ladin struck again, this time in his home territory. He’s as hard to track down as Pancho Villa. Of course up to now the Saudis have been as much interested in fighting him as the French are, and just as effective. But his goose will get cooked one of these days.

This tragedy comes from al-Qaida. But our country’s comedy this week is courtesy of the Texas Legislature. It seems the Democratic arm of that august body is tired of being bossed around by the Republicans. So they high-tailed it across the Red River to hide out in a Holiday Inn in Ardmore, Oklahoma.

You may wonder, why Oklahoma?

Well, they couldn’t go to Louisiana because folks there still remember when Texas passed a law in 1931 calling their Governor Huey Long a liar.

Couldn’t go to New Mexico… half those Democrats don’t know there’s anything west of west Texas except sagebrush. Some of them don’t even know there’s anything in west Texas. Their appropriations never make it past San Antonio.

Pensacola, Florida, had a certain appeal for some of those ole boys, but they wisely skipped that idea. Too risky. Besides, Florida is riled up over a test you have to take to get out of high school, and I have my doubts some of these legislators could pass it.

Oklahoma is glad to have ’em. They can stay as long as they want to, just as long as they don’t run for anything. We’re even willing to let other states send us their legislatures. Imagine if this idea grows and they all follow Texas’ lead. What a wonderful spring break the rest of you folks would have.

Now if the U.S. Congress decides to send us their Democrats, well, that’s expecting a bit much of Oklahoma generosity.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“There is nothing that will upset a state economic condition like a legislature. It’s better to have termites in your house than the legislature (in session).” Radio broadcast, March 31, 1935

“I got to thinking that I dident have much material, so I decided as I was starting in Texas that I better drop by Austin where the State Legislature was in session and get some material. Well that’s why I chose it, and it was a Godsend to me. It turned out great, not that the Texas Legislature is especially humorous. It’s not, it’s just average, in fact I think they got a pretty good body there, as Legislatures go. They just hadent done anything, which made them on a par with all others.” WA #425, Feb. 15, 1931

“Spoke before the (Texas) Legislature, but a comedian getting up before one of those bodies of men is just lost. It would be like Rudy Vallee trying to sing before an audience composed of all grand opera singers. He would just be outclassed, and that’s the way I was.” DT #1407, Jan. 26, 1931

May 8, 2003

COLUMBUS: The Supreme Court took a stand this week on honesty. They ruled that from now on these folks that call you asking for money have to tell the truth. Telemarketers cannot make “false statements with the intent to mislead the listener.” That’s good, as far as it goes, but if those old Justices really want to satisfy America they should apply the same rule to used car salesmen, Wall Streeters and politicians.

Ohio came up with a solution to their budget problem. It’s the same one used down through the ages, they passed a tax. The legislature put on a one-cent sales tax to start in July. They say it is a temporary tax, but one senator already wants to make it permanent. This may be the first time in history a temporary tax becomes permanent even before it has a chance to be temporary.

The legislature went one step farther. In November they’ll let everyone vote on whether they prefer to keep the one-cent sales tax, or install slot machines at the horse tracks. These legislators are shrewd… they give you a choice between a tax, and a tax. There’s no place on the ballot for “none of the above”. Of course, one tax is on people with money who spend it; the other is on people without money, who spend it anyway.

There’s a man over in Springfield that’s been working for the same company, building trucks, since 1937. Then last month he got laid off. Times may be tough, but seniority ought to be worth something. Think how insecure that makes the fellows feel who have only been there 50 or 60 years.

Unemployment is up to 6 percent, and it looks a lot worse to Democrats than it does to Republicans. Candidates are howling about the economy. But you know, it kinda skews the picture when you’ve got 9 of them going after one job. For at least 8 of them it’ll look even worse after the election.

Historic quotes from Will Rogers:

“We cuss the lawmakers. No matter whether it’s state or national legislature, we cuss ’em. But I notice we’re always perfectly willin’ to share in any of the sums of money that they might distribute. You know what I mean. We cuss ’em for distributing it, but we’re always there when it’s handed out.” Radio broadcast, April 7, 1935