Author: Randall Reeder

The Boston Red Sox won the World Series. The victory came the night before Halloween. Several players reportedly disguised themselves for Trick or Treat by shaving off their beards. Nobody recognized them. The players who kept their beards got up before daylight and went duck hunting.

I read that some schools in New York had closed their playgrounds to baseball, dodgeball, and tag. I guess because somebody might fall or get hit by a ball. Then the Post Office was forced to throw out millions of new stamps showing children having fun playing different sports. Someone noticed that one stamp shows a kid standing on his head, without a helmet. And another jumping into a pool. He didn’t have a helmet either. I knew helmets were recommended for football and bike riding, but swimming and gymnastics?

I guess “my” old habit of lassoing girls’ feet from behind as they walked to school would be frowned on today. It was frowned on back then too, but nobody passed a law agin’ it. Those girls always got even though, made me wish I had a helmet.

Congress is still working on the Farm Bill. Both the Senate and the House voted to cut a little from food stamps, they just can’t agree on how much to cut. The problem is they want to cut everyone the same amount. Maybe a better idea would be to line up all recipients from the poorest, neediest, hungriest ones on up to folks that barely quality because they are healthy and their income is above the poverty level. Common sense would say you take care of the folks at the bottom, and when you run out, the ones who are not so poor can buy their food the same way they did a few years ago. But in Washington, this is no time for common sense.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers (on farm bills):

“Here is my Farm Relief bill: Every time a Southerner plants nothing on his farm but cotton year after year, and the Northerner nothing but wheat or corn, why, take a hammer and hit him twice right between the eyes. You may dent your hammer, but it will do more real good than all the (farm relief) bills you can pass in a year.” DT #169, Feb. 13, 1927.

“Hoover called on Congress to aid farm relief. Up to now there has been one thousand and twenty-seven bills introduced; one was for farm relief and one thousand and twenty-six to aid the members that introduced ‘em. It was supposed to be just for Farm Relief, but they got ‘em in there for everything from Birth Control to Mass Production.” DT#850, Apr. 17, 1929

“(The farm bill) gives relief to the farmer in so many complicated ways that even if he received no relief at all, why, just trying to study it out will keep him so busy that he will forget he ever wanted relief. Then there is two or three billion appropriations in there to put mortgages on farms at a small rate of interest and long time payments. Well that’s fine but they all already got ‘em on… Then there was gold and silver. All in the farmers’ bill mind you. Now the poor farmer hasn’t even seen a few copper pennies, much less any gold or silver.” WA #542, May 14, 1933

Do you remember when one of our first astronauts was asked what he was thinking just before liftoff? He said, “I was thinking, ‘Every part of this rocket was supplied by the low bidder.’”

Well, even though it has already cost over $600 Billion, every component of the Healthcare.gov website was provided by the low bidder. Last week a half dozen of those low bidders were grilled by Congress. All of ‘em had the same answer for the early failures, “It’s not my fault.” And nobody seemed to know exactly who is in charge. They cashed their checks, but don’t remember who signed ‘em.

Secretary Kathleen Sebelius, gets her turn this week to give us the lowdown on who’s to blame. She’s finding out that compared to the Affordable Healthcare Act, it was a lot easier to run Kansas. She probably wishes the man she works for would trade in his inspirational cheerleading outfit. He’s standing on the sidelines prodding the crowd to yell their encouragement to the team, “Go Health! Go Health! Go Health!” Sebelius could say, “Mr. President, please put down the pom poms, grab a helmet, get out there and lead this team down the field. We’re already in the second half, and we’re behind 49-0.”

Peace has returned to Washington, temporarily, and Congress is working on the farm bill. Years ago, the farm bill was “relief for the farmer.” Now, they have been arguing for two years, not so much on farm relief, but rather food relief which accounts for about 80%. Some folks say the farmer don’t need any relief, give it all to anyone who says they’re hungry. Nobody can argue against feeding hungry children, but we might want to throw a few crumbs to the farmers. I suggested one time that the farmers move to town for a year. If they do, the number one healthcare problem won’t be a website; it’ll be famishment.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“I have always claimed that the farmer will get no relief by legislation, for there is more people eating than there is raising, so he is a minority before he starts.” DT #570, May 29, 1928

“Tax relief, farm relief… none of these have been settled, but they are getting them in shape for consideration at the next session of Congress with the hope that those needing relief will perhaps have conveniently died in the meantime.” DT #557, May 9, 1928

“Farmers, get out your sense of humor. Congress meets to relieve you again next week.” DT #841, Apr. 7, 1929

“(President) Coolidge isn’t keeping the great American people in suspense on that farming bill purposely. It takes time to feel out the whole country and see which side has the most votes.” DT #180, Feb. 24, 1927

Do you remember when one of our first astronauts was asked what he was thinking just before liftoff? He said, “I was thinking, ‘Every part of this rocket was supplied by the low bidder.’”

Well, even though it has already cost over $600 Billion, every component of the Healthcare.gov website was provided by the low bidder. Last week a half dozen of those low bidders were grilled by Congress. All of ‘em had the same answer for the early failures, “It’s not my fault.” And nobody seemed to know exactly who is in charge. They cashed their checks, but don’t remember who signed ‘em.

Secretary Kathleen Sebelius, gets her turn this week to give us the lowdown on who’s to blame. She’s finding out that compared to the Affordable Healthcare Act, it was a lot easier to run Kansas. She probably wishes the man she works for would trade in his inspirational cheerleading outfit. He’s standing on the sidelines prodding the crowd to yell their encouragement to the team, “Go Health! Go Health! Go Health!” Sebelius could say, “Mr. President, please put down the pom poms, grab a helmet, get out there and lead this team down the field. We’re already in the second half, and we’re behind 49-0.”

Peace has returned to Washington, temporarily, and Congress is working on the farm bill. Years ago, the farm bill was “relief for the farmer.” Now, they have been arguing for two years, not so much on farm relief, but rather food relief which accounts for about 80%. Some folks say the farmer don’t need any relief, give it all to anyone who says they’re hungry. Nobody can argue against feeding hungry children, but we might want to throw a few crumbs to the farmers. I suggested one time that the farmers move to town for a year. If they do, the number one healthcare problem won’t be a website; it’ll be famishment.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“I have always claimed that the farmer will get no relief by legislation, for there is more people eating than there is raising, so he is a minority before he starts.” DT #570, May 29, 1928

“Tax relief, farm relief… none of these have been settled, but they are getting them in shape for consideration at the next session of Congress with the hope that those needing relief will perhaps have conveniently died in the meantime.” DT #557, May 9, 1928

“Farmers, get out your sense of humor. Congress meets to relieve you again next week.” DT #841, Apr. 7, 1929

“(President) Coolidge isn’t keeping the great American people in suspense on that farming bill purposely. It takes time to feel out the whole country and see which side has the most votes.” DT #180, Feb. 24, 1927

COLUMBUS: The 16-Day War in Washington ended. Like a lot of recent wars, including the War on Terror, nobody won, and it’s not really over. And it cost a lot of money. Democrats say the shutdown cost $24 Billion. Republicans say their goal was to save a Trillion.

Both parties are gearing up to do it all over again in 3 months. They’re digging in, firmly entrenched. Do you think they might agree to “meet in the middle?” Not a chance. Not a chance.

President Obama says he wants immigration reform and a farm bill. Of course his version of the farm bill has more than 80% of the money going to food stamps, not farmers. Having 46 million folks poor enough to collect food stamps is not enough; he wants to continue rewarding federal employees who round up more of ‘em. And by immigration reform he means to let the millions who sneaked in from Mexico become voting citizens. Of course the debt ceiling will have to be raised again. And again. And again.

Senator Coburn said, “We just raised the debt limit… that’s like saying we’re going to raise the legal limit for blood alcohol thinking we’re going to control drunk driving.”

Here’s an interesting fact related to Social Security. Half the people working today expect to work well past age 65. But our elected officials in Washington say, “No, let ‘em retire; no need to increase the retirement age.”

Would you like to read a good book? “Will Rogers: I Never Met a Farmer I Didn’t Like” is now available. Go to http://www.willrogerstoday.com. One click takes you to Amazon. Or, if you want 3 or more, send me an email: for a good deal.

Here’s what 3 folks who know a little about Will and agriculture said about the book:

“This is a superb collection of Will Rogers’ many words of agriculturally-related wit and wisdom,” stated Steve Gragert, Director of the Will Rogers Museum in Claremore, Oklahoma.

Jennifer Rogers-Etcheverry, Will’s great-granddaughter, adds, “Being married to a farmer I truly appreciate the quotes and stories in this book. These inspirational words are just as true today as they were when Will Rogers said them himself.”

“You can’t help but smile as you read through Will Rogers’ wise cracks woven with wisdom. It is the perfect gift for all of us with deep roots in agriculture,” Charlene Finck, Farm Journal Editor.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“You know a man with a message is a whole lot harder to listen to than any other species of speaker.” WA #28, June 24, 1923

“I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”

“Farmers, get out your sense of humor. Congress meets to relieve you again next week.” DT #841, Apr. 7, 1929

COLUMBUS: Does anyone understand what’s going on in Washington? A week ago I thought common horse sense would prevail. But common horse sense done rode out of town.

The “negotiations” began with President Obama announcing that he would not negotiate. He said, “You want to cut expenses and make changes to the Obamacare law, but there will be no changes to that law, except the dozen I made myself.”

It reminds me of a person wanting to sell an old car for $100. A man, let’s call him John, offers $90. The owner, we’ll call him Harry, says, “No way.” After reassessing his financial situation, John raises his offer to $95. Harry says “No.” Days pass. John calls, “Ok, $99.” Harry remains adamant, “$100!” More days go by. Finally, John offers $99.50. Harry replies, “It’s $102 or no deal.” Well, that’s Washington today.

Did you hear this? The Washington Redskins are to change their name, due to the negative associations. From now on, they will be known as the Maryland Redskins. (Thanks to Ron Culberson for sending me that line, written by Dan Stewart.)

Our veterans gathered in Washington today. These guys don’t like the federal government telling them to stay out of their war memorials. They took barriers away from the memorials and hauled them up the street to surround the White House instead. That’s a start. Next they should haul another batch up Capitol Hill and corral all 535 Senators and Congressmen.

The Defense Dept. announced the shutdown prevented them from paying death benefits to the families of five who died in Afghanistan. Terrible decision. I’m sure the official in charge wanted to pay ‘em, but he asked a lawyer to interpret the law. Big mistake. Here’s something I wrote in 1935. “Every time a lawyer writes something, he is not writing for posterity, he is writing so that endless others of his craft can make a living out of trying to figure out what he said… One level-headed smart man could interpret every law there is.”

Did you hear about the disastrous blizzard that hit western South Dakota last week? A cold rain followed by three feet of snow and 70 mph wind resulted in the horrible death of thousands of cattle (and sheep). If you didn’t know, it’s because big newspapers and television practically ignored it. Imagine the difference if somehow 50,000 cats and dogs had died in a natural disaster; it would have been on the news constantly for days.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:

“What makes it hard for (Congress) is every time a bill comes up they have a million things to decide that have nothing to do with the merit of the bill… The principal thing is of course: What will this do for me personally back home? Politics, and self-preservation, must come first, never mind the majority of the people of the U.S.” WA #78, June 8, 1924

#774 Oct. 6, 2013

COLUMBUS: The Federal government has partially shut down. Has it affected you?

You had better say “YES!” If you don’t, the President will find a few other things to close. The World War II Memorial, which like the Vietnam War Memorial, the Korean War Memorial and the Lincoln Memorial, is open air with no gates, no doors, and no way of closing. But they installed temporary barriers anyway.

They shut down Mount Rushmore, but people could still see it from a nearby road. So they blocked off part of that road. I guess if you want to see it, you have to rent a helicopter.

Did you know the beautiful state of Utah is almost three-quarter owned by the federal government? To keep us from seeing it, they may block every entrance to the state.

Hope no one in Washington remembers the Interstate Highway System is 90 percent Federal. Blocking those roads would sure get our attention.

Good thing all the farmers haven’t shut down. If they stopped milking the cows and feeding the pigs and chickens for a day it would cause more havoc than any shutdown Obama can dream up.

It’s not all the Democrats fault. The conservative Republicans insist on reduced spending whether it’s for health insurance, food stamps or federal salaries. They want to shut down part of the government, just not the part Democrats are willing to let go.

How about this idea. Invite President Obama and his Cabinet to the Capitol for a joint session of Congress, kinda like they do for the State of the Union speech. Then block all the exits. Don’t let anybody out until they agree on something.

Once they get this government shutdown behind them, they’ve got the debt ceiling to argue over. President Obama figures he needs to borrow an extra Trillion dollars to get through the next election, and if he don’t get it by next week, the Treasury Secretary will stop our interest payments to China. Oddly, there’s plenty of revenue coming in to pay the interest, and there’s no need to default and cause panic on Wall Street. But the President has seen his middle class folks living in pain the last five years, and he wants the big stockholders to suffer along with ‘em. The President of any business that’s pinched for cash would prioritize where to spend, and where to delay payment. But not this President. His priority is to inflict as much pain as possible… on Republicans.

Too bad the scare from Washington isn’t just an early Halloween prank.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“The Government never has been accused of being a business man.” WA #158, Dec. 20, 1925

“Prosperity this Winter is going to be enjoyed by everybody that is fortunate enough to get into the poor farm.” DT #1031, Nov. 14, 1929

#773 Sept. 22, 2013

COLUMBUS: Football is off to a good start and has never been more popular. Meanwhile, Congress is coming to the end of the fiscal year, and has never been less popular. Could it be because the average football coach is smarter than the average Congressional leader?

Congress is facing a pile of decisions, none bigger than whether to fund the entire government. Democrats want to fund 100% of it; Republicans want to fund about 95%. The big disagreement is over the Affordable Care Act and who gets blamed if millions of people dependant on the government don’t receive their payments October 1. When your government runs through Ten Billion a day and you threaten to shut off the spigot, it gets attention.

A lot of that spending is right there in Washington. Yes, the rest of the country is kinda suffering through hard times with high unemployment, but Washington is booming.

President Obama says he will not negotiate any changes with Republicans. Of course that’s after he already made a bunch of changes in the original ACA. He said it wasn’t a tax, but the Supreme Court says it is. He allowed big companies and certain unions to delay it a year, but not small companies or individual families. Congress and their staff members are exempt, and so are IRS employees, including thousands of new ones who will enforce the healthcare law. If it’s so great, why do the people who wrote the law, and those who will enforce the law, want to make sure the law does not apply to them? Those folks should be the first ones to sign up.

In Kenya, more than a hundred people were shot at a mall by an Islamist terrorist group based in Somalia. And, unbelievably, some of the Islamic killers are Somali-Americans. How disgusting is it when we allow Somalis to come here to escape the terror at home, and they turn against us.

Miss New York got selected as Miss America. She’s a lovely, talented young woman, very deserving, but some folks didn’t like it because she’s an Indian-American. If you confuse Indian-American with American Indian, blame Christopher Columbus. When he landed in 1492 he was more than ten thousand miles short of reaching India but that didn’t stop him from claiming the natives were Indians. Since there were no geography teachers around to correct him, we’re stuck with the name.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“After a football (soccer) game in Lima, Peru, five were killed. Up here we don’t kill our football players. We make coaches out of the smartest ones and send the others to the Legislature.” DT #1389, Jan. 5, 1931

“Today minds are not on politics, they are not on national affairs, they are on football. Millions of football fans are going to football games. Mind you, I think it’s a great thing.” DT #726, Nov. 23, 1928

“No matter how hard times are you can always find enough to attend a football game. Football should prosper. It has given more employment to the young men of this country than any other industry.” DT #1352, Nov. 23, 1930

Wow, the last two or three weeks a fellow that only reads a paper once a day has no chance of keeping up on the news. With President Obama, Kerry, Assad and Putin puttin’ in their two cents, the story on Syria changed direction faster than Miley’s twerking hips.

Remember when we had five warships in the Mediterranean ready to fire cruise missiles at Syria? Abruptly, the President decided to wait till Congress finished their vacation. Soon the war changed from missiles and B-1 bombers to “unbelievably small.” For awhile I thought Obama had read my Weekly Comments where I suggested he challenge Assad to a duel… using water pistols. Squirt! Squirt! would be “smaller” than Boom! Boom! The question now is, is a “Squirt” larger than a Pinprick?

 

Secretary Kerry blurted that if Assad gave up his chemical weapons then we would back off, but he said he was sure Assad would never agree to do it. Before a reporter could even get that change of direction in print, Putin got wind of it and jumped in with an offer to arrange it. Oddly, we took Putin serious even though he had been assuring the world that Assad did not have any chemical weapons, only the rebels did.

Next Obama went on national television to announce a possible diplomatic end to an unbelievably small war before it started. Then Putin, or an impostor, wrote an editorial for the New York Times. I say “impostor” because it read like it had been written by an American, not some Russian who worships Stalin. Next Assad himself goes on NBC television, speaking English! What gives?

My, how things change. A couple of years ago, on the Egypt uprising, our President was leading from behind. Now, on Syria, he is leading from behind Putin.

Maybe we should let Putin have Syria, but only if he agrees to take Afghanistan off our hands. And he must leave Ukraine alone.

Nobody knows how this will end, or if it will end. I can tell you though how it got started: our President and his crew talk too much. He started it himself when he announced that Assad has got to go, and then piled on by drawing a red line. If they had shut up and kept Assad guessing instead of assuring him he was in no mortal danger, then Obama would be holding the cards instead of Putin. Instead of battleships off the coast, sneak in a couple of submarines. If you’re planning a war, follow General Eisenhower’s example, not Chamberlain’s.

Syria, Egypt and Libya are getting the attention. But Iran is the one to worry about.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“The smartest statesmen are the worst fooled when anything comes up quick.” WA #418, Dec. 28, 1930

“There is one thing no nation can accuse us of, and that is secret diplomacy.” WA #45, Oct. 21, 1923

President Obama is shrewd. Although many see his delay as backtracking on his red line declaration, he just outsmarted Assad. After a speech on Saturday, Obama goes off to play golf and Assad can’t even play putt-putt. He won’t pick up a golf club for fear the first ball he hits will blow up in his face. Obama flies to Europe to meet the popular Swedish bikini team but Assad must hide behind women in burkas. Then Obama goes to Moscow, and Assad is saying, “Hey, I thought Putin was on my side.”

Delaying for a couple of weeks is no problem. FDR and Churchill took 3 years preparing for D-Day. Eisenhower made that plan work out ok.

Really, our President should take this argument directly to Assad. Challenge him to a duel. One on one. Man to man. Think of all the millions of borrowed money it would save us. The weapon of choice for the duel? Water pistols. Let ‘em battle it out for 3 or 4 days. If Obama can drown him, so be it.

Too bad we can’t just put a high fence around that region and let all those Shiite, Sunni, and other Muslim tribes fight among themselves like they have been doing for centuries.

With our President occupied with Syria and the Middle East, here’s a bit of good news that may sneak through without him hearing about it. A company is planning to build a Billion dollar pipeline in Ohio to transport liquid fuel made from natural gas. Did you know we can make methanol out of this gas and replace gasoline from OPEC oil? Since Obama and his environmental supporters are determined to outlaw the Keystone pipeline that would transport Canadian crude, we’ve got to keep this Ohio pipeline a secret.

When Congress returns they have to deal with Syria, but that’s just a start. The farm bill, immigration, debt ceiling, healthcare are all staring ‘em in the face. You might compare Congress to a football team in their first game of the season: they should have plenty of energy because they did nothing for eight months. But they could still lose 50-0.

Labor Day weekend did not have a whole lot to celebrate this year. The economy is still staggering along. Most new jobs are part time and some old jobs are being cut to under 30 hours. A few fast food workers protested because they were convinced they should be paid $15 an hour instead of $7.50. But it’s not gonna happen. Here’s the best advice: if you want a $15 job find out what it takes to earn it. If frying burgers, sweeping floors, spinning a rope, telling jokes, blowing a horn, dancing the two-step, or whatever else you’re doing doesn’t land you in that desired salary range, then learn a new skill. If you got downgraded because of the economy and you’re working two jobs to make ends meet, hang in until the job market returns.

 

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“The smarter a nation gets, the more wars it has. The dumb ones are too smart to fight.” WA #501, July 31, 1932

“I can think of nothing more unpopular than a strike.” DT #2228, Sept. 24, 1933

“Every holiday ought to be named ‘Labor Day.’ If we could ever get vacations down to where you wasn’t any more tired on the day one was over than on our regular work day it would be wonderful.” DT #2210, Sept. 4, 1933

I just returned from three days (Aug. 13-15) at a big farm show put on by Penn State University. They have some wonderful agriculture tucked in between the mountain ranges in that part of the state. The valley where that university sits must be two or three miles wide and they grow some good looking corn and soybeans and alfalfa. It’s not just because of the football team that it’s called Happy Valley.

I also stopped off in West Virginia for a little celebration on Friday. The valleys in that Mountain State may not be as wide as Pennsylvania’s, but the folks are just as happy.

With all this road travel, I got to listen quite a bit to the radio. There’s been a lot of talk lately about the Constitution. We used to talk about changing the Constitution, but now the talk is about whether the various branches of our government have changed the way they interpret the Constitution without bothering to ask the people whether they actually want the Constitution changed. Sometimes our judges, Congress and the President go off in a different direction, and kinda dare anyone to prove the direction they are taking is not covered by the Constitution. Lawyers have been arguing over the Constitution for over 200 years, and they’ll probably go another 200 without ever coming to unanimous agreement. At least we do most of our arguing with words and not guns.

In Egypt, the Muslim Brotherhood has killed Christians and burned churches. And they aren’t any friendlier with Muslims they happen to disagree with. As I reported a month ago, when Morsi of the Muslim Brotherhood was elected, he immediately changed policies. It would be like a person getting elected here, and immediately adopting Communist policies. Although you hate to see anyone killed over politics, just imagine if 20 percent of Americans took to the streets, fully armed, and demanded that the U.S. become Communistic. The big majority of Egyptians who do not favor the brutal Sharia law are determined to put down the Brotherhood protests and protect their own place in the 21^st century. We had better hope they prevail, or the entire Middle East may revert to the 11^th century.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:

(Concerning changes to the Constitution)… “One side says, ‘We got where we are as a great nation by this set of laws that we are living under, so why change them! Let the Constitution alone.’ And that’s mighty good logic, too. But here’s something they forget. They can rightfully say, you or I, that we got where we are by these laws, but there’s lots of folks that haven’t got anywhere under ‘em. And the prospects ain’t any too bright for ‘em to get any further. So they might not be averse to some small change in the Constitution. They might say, ‘Yes, give us what you’ve got, and we’ll say it’s a perfect Constitution, too.’ So it all goes back to, just how good has the Constitution been to you? And nobody can answer that question but yourself. I would say that to the big majority over a long course of years, it’s been a mighty fine old document, and any person will think mighty serious before he’ll vote for any change in the Constitution.” Radio, June 9, 1935