Category: Uncategorized

You can relax; no dreams this week.

New York Governor Cuomo is digging a deeper hole for himself. Early last year the reports of COVID-19 deaths in New York nursing homes shocked the nation. Somehow, on his daily news broadcasts, he explained his actions so well he received an Emmy award. (Maybe it’s in a new category.)

Recent data shows the COVID deaths in NY nursing homes, including sick clients who were sent to hospitals and died there, were at least 50 percent higher than reported during the Emmy-winning broadcasts. (See quote below)

President Biden visited the State Department and gave a motivational speech to our diplomats. He challenged them, “To the country you serve, you are America. We want you to be nice to them.”

Biden announced plans to reverse the tough stance of the Trump Administration. The only countries we won’t be nice to are Russia and North Korea (and Canada??). Putin and Kim Jong Un will get no love letters from Biden. (see quote #2 below)

Vice-President Kamala Harris has several “Firsts.” But being the first VP person of color is not one of them. Yes, she is the first female VP, the first to have a mother from India and father from Jamaica, and the first VP (or President) whose parents both have PhDs (from Cal-Berkeley) and were university professors (Stanford and McGill).

So, who was the first “VP of color?” Charles Curtis, a member of the Kaw Nation. He was VP under President Herbert Hoover, 1929 to 1933. Curtis supported women’s voting rights, child labor laws and the 1924 Act that granted citizenship to Indians. (see quote #3 below)

Since President Biden is determined to create jobs by eliminating gasoline and diesel (minus 11,000 jobs so far), here is a suggestion for an Executive Order which would add MILLIONS of jobs in agriculture.  Eliminate all tractors, combines, cotton pickers, planters and hay balers. Farm work can be done only with the aid of horses, mules and oxen, or solar-powered electricity, plus a tremendous amount of work by human hands.

This Executive Action will also eliminate farm surpluses. Since it takes about a fourth of all cropland to feed the horses, there won’t be any exports of corn, soybeans, cotton, or any other crop. This would eliminate welfare and unemployment; folks would be clamoring for farm jobs because they would not starve; by law, they could eat generously of the food they help grow and harvest.

Unfortunately, jobs in the fertilizer industry will disappear. With all that horse manure, who needs fertilizer? No business for Scotts; even in the suburbs, every square foot of lawn will be fenced to contain sheep, goats, pigs and chickens.

Relax. President Biden would never propose eliminating a hundred years of progress. (Four years, yes; but not 100.) You’ll still have plenty of food without having to dig potatoes, shuck corn or milk a goat.

Speaking of goats… Tom Brady took another giant leap toward Greatest Of All Time, with his SEVENTH Super Bowl win. Tampa Bay 31-9 over Kansas City.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“Today they are voting in New York on whether to keep a Governor two years or four… I think a good, honest Governor should get four years, and the others life.” DT #405, Nov. 8, 1927

“There is one thing no nation can ever accuse us of and that is Secret Diplomacy. Our foreign dealings are an Open Book, generally a Check Book.”  WA #45, Nov. 18, 1923

“You know I am an Indian.  My folks are Cherokees and I am very proud of the fact and us Injuns are mighty proud of Charlie Curtis… Charlie had the usual life of a child born in Kansas.  He grew strong from shoveling the grasshoppers off the sidewalk, so they could go to town… It is hard to get a man to take the Vice-Presidency.   It is a job that doesn’t have a nice future… So good luck to you, Charlie, old Injun, and I hope you are elected President some day and we will run the White House out of this country.” Radio, Apr. 27, 1930

Washington, DC: Despite the Covid pandemic, I find myself in Washington, in the Senate chamber at our Capitol. Here’s an explanation:

See, every honorable attorney in the whole country, and several who are not so honorable, turned down the opportunity to represent Donald J. Trump of Mara Largo, Florida, in this Impeachment trial. They’re scared of the after-effects. Mr. Trump offered to represent himself. However, every legal expert, including those who only play one on Facebook, knows that nobody but a fool would try to represent himself. Therefore, at the risk of being ostracized by my Hollywood friends, I feel obliged to fill the void.

As I stand at the front of the Senate, addressing 100 Senators, I continue. “You may say, ‘But you have no legal experience.’ Well, I beg to differ. I played the lead role in one of the greatest movies of 1934, ‘Judge Priest.’ And that ranks far higher than pretending to be one on Facebook. But don’t take my word for it; ask former President Franklin D. Roosevelt. I’m guessing you distinguished Senators recognize him as a great man and judge of character, at least half of you.

“After watching ‘Judge Priest,’ Franklin wrote me a letter (he said I could call him Franklin) and I’ll read, and provide said letter as Exhibit A. It’s dated October 8, 1934. ‘Dear Will, (I let him call me Will) ‘We saw Judge Priest last night. It is a thoroughly good job.’ Then after a couple more sentences he closed with a paragraph that will firmly establish my credentials to appear before this august body today, ‘I suppose the next thing you will be doing is making application for an appointment to the Federal Bench. I might take you up on that!’ Now if you have any doubt about his judgement, I’ll remind you that he nominated, and had approved right here in this very Chamber, NINE Justices to the Supreme Court.

“See, at one time he had nominated EVERY Justice sitting on the Supreme Court. He wanted to name 5 or 6 more, but your predecessors here in the Senate turned him down flat. They said, ‘No, Mr. President, nine is all we need on that Court. We won’t let you pack any more in there.’”

So, with my credentials firmly established and accepted, it comes my turn to address the presiding officer of every Impeachment trial, the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court:

Me: “Wait a minute, you’re Senator Leahy, not Chief Justice Roberts.

Sen. Leahy: “Yes, he declined. I guess one Impeachment was enough for him.”

Me: “Well, Mr. Leahy, I’ll trust you to be fair and impartial and follow the Constitution. Please read to your fellow Senators the part of the Constitution relating to the topic at hand, Article II, Section 4.”

Leahy: “Article II, Section 4: The President, Vice President and all civil Officers of the United States, shall be removed from Office on Impeachment for, and Conviction of, Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors.”

Me: “Thank you sir. I noticed this Article began with the words, ‘The President.’ Senator Leahy, what is today’s date?”

Leahy: “It is February 8, 2021.”

Me: “And on this date, who is ‘The President?’”

Leahy: “Joseph R. Biden”

Me: “Is President Joseph R. Biden being Impeached for Treason, Bribery, or other high Crimes and Misdemeanors?”

Leahy: “No.”

Me: “Thank you. Since you have confirmed that ‘The President’ today, February 8, 2021, is Joseph R. Biden, and he is not charged with any crime listed in Article II, Section 4 of the Constitution, I humbly ask that this trial end immediately.”

And I sat down triumphantly, to a thunderous standing ovation, by half the Senators.  Then, with that glorious sound ringing in my ears for at least half a minute, I turned my head… and woke up.

Historic Fact about Will Rogers:

In the movie, ‘Judge Priest,’ two well-known African-American actors were featured, Stepin Fetchit (real name, Lincoln Perry) and Hattie McDaniels (who later earned an Oscar). The movie also revived the career of Henry B. Walthall.

Bonus Post

Welcome President Biden and V-P Kamala Harris. Joe, you’re a fast worker. The twenty-some Executive Orders you signed give us a solid view on issues that were mostly missing from your campaign talks last fall.

This brings up a few questions for voters who were originally on the fence, or usually voted Republican for President but changed to Biden-Harris in 2020. We all know that most Democrats always vote for the Democrat candidate, and most Republicans vote for the Republican.

My questions are aimed at the couple of million voters in the middle, in key swing states, such as suburban women and industrial union members, who eventually decided to vote for Joe Biden. (I give no answers; just questions.)

Did you know that President Biden planned to shut down the partially completed $8 Billion Keystone XL pipeline being built to transport crude oil from Alberta, Canada to Gulf Coast refineries, a key to maintaining energy independence for North America?

Did you know that President Biden would sign an order allowing strong, muscular biological males to play in girls’ high school and women’s college sports (and on our Olympic team)? And allow them to use the female dressing rooms and bathrooms in all schools and public buildings?

Did you know he would re-sign the Paris Agreement on climate change that commits us to cut our carbon emissions (which we already cut more than any other country), pay the costs for 180 other countries to cut emissions, while the one with the most emissions, China, is allowed to keep increasing theirs for 9 more years?

The President said Immigration is his #1 problem to solve (after Covid, I suppose). Did you know he would order that all undocumented aliens in prison or local jails, including MS-13 gang members, be released? And that non-citizens up to about 35 years old who were brought here as youth would have a clear path to become citizens, along with their parents?

Did you know he planned to immediately stop construction on the security wall on our Mexican border?

Did you know he would give everyone who entered the country illegally 100 days to move to a sanctuary city so they won’t be deported?

Did you know that several thousand poor people in Central America would interpret President Biden’s words to mean they have 100 days to walk across Mexico, freely cross our border without being tested for Covid, hitch a ride to California or other sanctuary state or city, find a job, and live happily ever after?

Did you know he would allow people in seven countries with insufficient security enforcement at airports (like our TSA) to board planes headed to the U.S.?

Ok, time for a couple of silly questions: Did you know he ordered an NFL team in warm, sunny Florida to go north to the frozen tundra in Wisconsin and beat Green Bay?   Do you think President Biden realized when he ordered continuous mask wearing for everyone on or in Federal property that he lives, works, eats, and, yes, sleeps in Federal property?

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“The more I see of politics … the more I wonder what in the world any man would ever want to take it up for. Then some people wonder why the best men of a community are not the office holders.” WA #146, Sept. 27, 1925

“If we could just send the same bunch of men [and women] to Washington for the good of the nation and not for political reasons, we could have the most perfect government in the world.” WA #78, June 8, 1924

A Democrat is replacing a Republican in the White House after one term.

In 1932, Franklin D. Roosevelt defeated President Herbert Hoover. FDR was inaugurated March 4, 1933. Dramatic changes came in the following weeks. Here’s Will…

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“America hasn’t been as happy in years as they are today… They know they got a man in there who is wise to Congress, wise to our big bankers and wise to our so-called big men… Even if what he does is wrong, they are with him… If he burned down the Capitol we would cheer and say, ‘Well, we at least got a fire started anyhow.’” DT #2054, March 5, 1933

“Say this Roosevelt is a fast worker. Even on Sunday when all a President is supposed to do is put on a silk hat and have his picture taken coming out of Church, why this President closed all the banks and called Congress into extra session, and that’s not all he is going to call ‘em either if they don’t get something done.” DT #2055, March 6

“Mr. Roosevelt stepped to the microphone last night and knocked another home run. His message was not only a great comfort to the people, but it pointed a lesson to all radio announcers and public speakers what to do with a big vocabulary: leave it at home in the dictionary.” DT #2062, March 13

“America can carry herself and get along in pretty fair shape, but when she stops and picks up the whole world and puts it on her shoulders she just can’t ‘get it done.’” DT #2063, March 15

“I tell you things never was looking better. And Congress! I want to go on record as giving those rascals a world of credit. They have reformed and they look like they are sorry for what they have done for years.” DT #2065, March 17

“(Roosevelt) has done more for us in seven weeks than we’ve done for ourselves in seven years.  We elected him because he was a Democrat, and now we honor him because he is a magician…  He’s a fast worker.  He was inaugurated at noon in Washington, and they started the inaugural parade down Pennsylvania Avenue, and before it got half way down there, he’d closed every bank in the United States… You’d be surprised at the hordes of Republicans who are crawling up to this shrine in Washington to pay their respects to this modern messiah, this maverick that once disgraced the Roosevelt clan…We’ve given you more power than we ever give any man in the history of the world.  You take it and run it if you want to, and deflate, or inflate, or complicate, or insulate.  Do anything, just so you get us a dollar or two every now and again…  The whole country’s cockeyed anyhow, and we’re just appointing you, and you take it… God bless you.” Radio, April 30, 1933

This has been a rough week for America. The invasion of the Capitol, which lasted several hours, was scary for our Senators and Representatives, their staffs and everyone else who was already in the building.

Now, we have had other “rough weeks” (and months) recently with protests that erupted in looting, riots, death and destruction. And Covid-19 which will last a lot more than a full year.

I am being cautious tonight, partly because it will show up on my Facebook page every year (if I don’t get kicked off). And “facts” are changing every day. The FBI is investigating, looking at thousands of photos and videos and making arrests. Congress will study security of the Capitol and likely recommend changes that will cost several million dollars. (I’m going out on a limb and predicting all entry doors will have locks, and windows will be bullet-proof.)

What about President Trump? We have always had cheating in elections. Sometimes it resulted in the wrong guy being President. But our political candidates have gotten used to it and accept the final vote of the Electoral College. Donald Trump is not a usual “political candidate.” Even after 4 years in office he never accepted that role. Thursday, in his refusal to accept the Nov. 3 result, he went over the edge. Even though Trump did not actually tell the crowd to “attack the Capitol,” that’s what they heard. (There are reports that the worst of the ring-leaders were already close to the Capitol and didn’t even hear Trump’s speech.)

Why weren’t a thousand heavily armed officers surrounding the Capitol? The Capitol Police Chief was caught flat-footed, partly because, in general, Trump rallies had been law-abiding and peaceful. Last summer a thousand police were in place to protect the Capitol, Lincoln Memorial and other facilities from rioters intent on damaging buildings and tearing down statues. If the same force had been in place, no one would have gotten into the Capitol, no matter what Trump said to rile ‘em up.

The 2020 election was similar to 1932. Will Rogers said at the 1932 Democratic convention, no matter who you nominate, ‘if he lives till November he’s in.’ Trump had a good 3 years and believed he would cruise to re-election. In the fourth year, Covid-19 knocked out that optimistic result. A few other Presidents have pivoted successfully after catastrophes (For example, FDR after Pearl Harbor, and George W. Bush after 9/11.) Trump did not pivot. He still cannot believe he could lose to a candidate who never campaigned.

By the time you read this, Trump may have been impeached, fired, or persuaded to resign. I suggest they let him limp through until January 20. Then President Biden and the Democrats in Congress, if they choose, can calmly restore our faith in government. On Jan. 20, Trump and his entire family can retire to Florida where he can take out his frustrations on the golf course.

Great news for Cleveland. The hobbled, make-shift Browns beat the Steelers, 48-37. First win in Pittsburgh since 2003. First win in a playoff game since 1994. Goin’ to Kansas City!

Historic quote by Will Rogers:

“An Indian (says) the reason a white man always got lost and an Indian didn’t was because an Indian always looked back after he passed anything so he got a view of it from both sides. You see the white man just figures that all sides of a thing are the same. That’s like a dumb guy with an argument, he don’t think there can be any other side only his. That’s what you call politicians.

You can learn a lot from what that Indian (said) besides just how not to get lost. You must never disagree with a man while you are facing him. Go around behind him and look the same way they do when you are facing him. Look over his shoulder and get his viewpoint, then go back and face him and you will have a different idea.” WA#514, October30, 1932

Randall Reeder
WillRogersToday.com

Here’s a safe prediction for the new year: 2021 will end better than it started. Maybe not in all areas of your life, but COVID should be under control. We can shake hands, eat out (and in), attend church, and get together with 100,000 close friends at a football game. First, we’ve got to get shot, a vaccine shot.

Back in the Spring, the Trump Administration designed a plan to have a vaccine by December, and Congress funded it. (Actually, Trump wanted it before November 3.) The naysayers poked fun at the optimistic goal, claiming it would take 3 to 5 years for a successful vaccine.

Well, by golly, the great scientists at pharmaceutical companies jumped on it and we’ve got a few million doses before Christmas. And now, as the same naysayers eagerly point out, several states have a bottleneck. With all the medical staff overloaded with hospital patients, there aren’t enough folks to give the shots.

I’ve got a solution. Now I don’t claim to be a doctor, but I did play one in a movie (“Doctor Bull,” 1933). Here’s my plan: contact all the students in medical, pharmaceutical and nursing schools and have them report to their local hospital or pharmacy. They’re at home on break, so they will be eager to help. One of the first skills these students learn is how to give shots, so a few hours of training with these COVID vaccines and they’re ready to go. Assign 10 or 12 to an experienced professional, line ‘em up, and invite the locals, and shoot ‘em. Make sure the old folks get the vaccines, but don’t block out others. The “bottleneck” would be eliminated in a couple of weeks.

Are you wondering, what does an old comedian know about shots? Well, I called a nurse in West Virginia who says this plan makes sense. She helped the state be the first in the country to get all the nursing homes vaccinated.

I think another hint of 2021 being a good year is that Congress is pretty much tied. No matter which way Georgia votes, Congress is split down the middle.

Historic quote by Will Rogers:

“Washington, D. C. papers say: ‘Congress is deadlocked and can’t act.’ I think that is the greatest blessing that could befall this country.” WA #59, Jan. 27, 1924

Americans are relieved today. President Trump signed the budget bill. But it’s still up in the air whether the check will be for $600 or $2000 or something in between. The President wants to tie the bigger COVID checks to cutting out the hundred Billion in frivolous spending here and abroad. Speaker Pelosi jumped on the idea of handing out $2000, but stopped short of chopping any pork. Senator Joni Ernst, an Iowa hog farmer, got elected because she knows how to “cut pork.” I haven’t heard her views yet on slicing fat off this budget.

There are other appropriations in the $900 Billion COVID part of the budget that are directed where they are needed most, including more vaccines. Combined with the overall budget bill, you can always find items that make you shake your head. You may remember the Lincoln Center got millions in relief several months ago and promptly laid off 100 employees. The Lincoln Center gets millions more in this budget, so I guess they will fire another hundred.

A university researcher will get a million dollars to ask Americans if they like to eat bugs. You and I can save ‘em a million; the answer is “No!” Fire ants might spice up a bowl of chili, but I prefer hot pepper. Honey tastes sweeter than honey bees. A cockroach smothered in chocolate still tastes like a cockroach. Even a horse would say “neigh” to eating a bucket of oats and horse flies.

Congress put in a Billion to build a new Smithsonian Museum just for women. Another museum? Museums are shutting down. A better plan is to clear out half of the Smithsonian exhibits devoted to men and replace ‘em with women’s inventions. That would save the Billion dollars and attract more women visitors, plus a few curious men. Take corsets for example. Replace the old whalebone corset exhibit (definitely not invented by a woman) with a display of Spanx.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“The budget is a mythical bean bag. Congress votes mythical beans into it, and then tries to reach in and pull real beans out.” DT #2047, Feb. 24, 1933

“Every statesman wants to vote appropriations, but is afraid to vote taxes… We never will get anywhere with our finances till we pass a law saying that every time we appropriate something, we got to pass another bill along with it stating where the money is coming from.” DT #1733, Feb. 12, 1932

“The national problem in this country is not who shall be relieved and whose money shall relieve him, but who shall be the one that plays Santa Claus, and actually hands out the presents.” Radio, Apr. 21, 1935

(It’s all Will Rogers this week…)

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“I didn’t know that Christmas did mean so much till you have to spend one away off like this from home.” DT #1693, Dec. 27,1931

“Christmas finds the following watching to see if there really is a Santa Claus. Ten thousand Republican [Democrats?] candidates (looking for) for Cabinet jobs are beginning to have grave doubts. And 14,000,000 Democrats [Republicans?] say it may be Christmas to some people, but it’s just the 25th of some month for them.” DT #751, Dec. 23, 1928

“I bought some mechanical and electric things for the kids and wore ‘em out playing with ‘em myself. Don’t forget to lay by a few presents today for those who you didn’t think would send you anything. You may not have to use ‘em anyway.” DT #120, Dec. 23, 1926

 “Men, act surprised this morning as if you didn’t know the tie was coming.” DT #121, Dec. 24, 1926

          “Well, the neckties were all red and the sox were all too small. So, there is practically nothing I can do but just sit and wait for another holiday.” DT #441, Dec. 25, 1927

“Generally speaking, we do have good cheer in our hearts on Christmas. ‘Course, we can’t hardly wait till the day is over and to get back to our devilment again.” DT # 1379, Dec. 24, 1930

“Kids are getting too wise. Why I was a big old chuckle-headed Nestor maybe ten years old before I really even suspicioned that our old friend of the long whiskers wasn’t delivering into my stocking every Christmas morning the sack of candy, horn, and cap pistol… It would be all right if we could again believe in Santa Claus. But our smartness has defeated our own happiness… They talk about Civilization. Say, there ain’t no civilization where there ain’t no satisfaction, and that’s what’s the trouble now, nobody is satisfied.” WA #367, Jan. 5, 1030

“Best story in the paper today, and there was many of fine charitable acts on Christmas. Away out on the Escalante Desert between Los Angeles and Salt Lake. I have flown over it many times, it’s one of the most desolate places you ever saw. One lonely ranch, the father had died and the mother and a whole house full of children live there. Well, the pilots on the Western air run took up a purse of $80 and got the children clothes and toys, and then flew low on Christmas day and dropped ‘em. What a godsend the plane and the radio is to out‑of‑the‑way places.” DT 1995, Dec. 26, 1932

“Well, Christmas has passed. I was just thinking if there was some way to make the Christmas spirit continue during the other days of the year, why we would be the most happy and wonderful Nation on Earth. Gosh, if all of us that was able would just feed and do things for folks without waiting till Christmas.” WA #628, Jan 6 1935

I heard this last week. A man went to a cemetery to place flowers on graves of family members. But a sign on the gate stopped him cold, “BECAUSE OF COVID-19, NO ONE IS ALLOWED TO VISIT THIS CEMETERY.” The man’s shocked reaction was, “This is ridiculous; they’re already dead.”

On Saturdays at noon, Jeanne Robertson, well-known humorist and professional speaker, always has a Facebook Live program, which is watched by thousands of her fans. This week she had a guest, Mark Lowry of the Bill Gaither gospel singing group. Mark wrote the wonderful Christmas song, “Mary, did you know?” He sang the song for us, a cappella. The lyrics include questions such as, Mary did you know that your baby boy will give sight to a blind man? And, Mary did you know that your baby boy will calm a storm with his hand?

Mark Lowry is also a talented humorist. Jeanne asked him if there were other questions he did not include in the song. Mark said, “Yes. Mary, what was it like teaching God to walk? What was it like teaching him to talk? Did you ever go into his room and say ‘Clean up this mess; were you born in a barn?’”

Normally, at noon Saturday I would have been watching the annual classic football matchup, Michigan vs. Ohio State. After playing every year since 1918, the 2-4 Wolverines declined to travel to Columbus and face the 5-0 Buckeyes. Michigan claimed the team was decimated by Covid-19. Most Ohio State fans claim Michigan is decimated by mediocre players, poor coaching, and fear of losing again.

The Nobel Peace Prize was given to the United Nations World Food Program. That’s a good choice because “30 million hungry people depend on us for survival.” Here’s my suggestion for the 2021 Nobel Peace Prize. Give it to the “Farmers of the World.” The other 7.8 Billion depend on them for survival.

I tried to ignore the real news, but there was too much to overlook.
Congressman Eric Swalwell (D-San Francisco) was tricked into a love affair by a lovely Chinese Communist spy masquerading as a college student. Christine Fang got her fangs into Mr. Swalwell when he was an ordinary city councilman. She raised millions of dollars for his campaigns (any idea where she got it?) and now he is on the House Intelligence Committee, appointed by Speaker Pelosi (D-San Francisco). That committee, which is provided top secret details on spying by our enemies, is Chaired by Adam Schiff (D-Los Angeles). Meanwhile, last year we learned that for twenty years a Chinese spy had been chauffeuring Senator Diane Feinstein (D-San Francisco). Do you notice a geographic connection?

Do you know about Joe Biden’s son, Hunter? Last week, a month after our former Vice-President was elected the 46^th President, we learned that Hunter Biden had been under investigation by the FBI since May for his financial dealings with Chinese Communists. If this came as a shock to you, you’re not alone. Almost half of the Biden voters had never heard of any possible bribery scheme involving the Biden family. How is it possible this was kept from voters for six months?

Actually, a prominent newspaper in New York City reported in detail in October. Breaking news stories are usually picked up immediately by other newspapers across the country and all our television networks. But this breaking news was in the NY Post, not The New York Times.

Did any of these distinguished journalists or networks report on it: Chuck Todd, NBC; Lesley Stahl, CBS 60 Minutes; George Stephanopoulos, ABC; Norah O’Donnell, CBS; or Jeff Zucker, CEO of CNN; Christiane Amanpour, CNN and PBS; Jake Tapper and Brian Stelter, CNN; Nicole Wallace and almost everyone else on MSNBC; and NPR (which is funded by you and me)? No, they all denied or poo-pooed the Hunter Biden story as “propaganda from Russia.”

Twitter and Facebook censored the story and banned positive comments about it. Google minimized searches on the topic.

Since 90 percent of these media folks flat out lied, I was expecting a few to get fired or at least suspended. I mentioned this to a friend and he corrected me, “They will likely get a raise! They got their guy elected.”

You might think the big winner of this “newly discovered” story would be Joe Biden. No, it will be Kamala Harris. Can you guess where she is from?

Ok, next week I promise: only Christmas.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“I have been in China too long. The more folks you talk to, the less you know. Always dodge the ‘expert’ who lived in China and ‘knows’ China. The last man that ‘knew’ China was Confucius, and he died feeling that he was becoming a little confused about ‘em.” DT #1696, Dec. 30, 1931

More than half of us have a pet, so it makes sense that we love animal stories. Watching movies like “Old Yeller” and “101 Dalmatians” or old television shows “Rin Tin Tin” and “Lassie” are a good diversion from politics.   Sometimes animals and politics go together.

President-Elect Biden announced a couple of weeks ago that he had a dog rescued from a shelter that would go with the Bidens to the White House. That seemed like a timely, hard-hitting story for the New York Times, especially since no four-legged friends had graced the White House in four years. Then the story got more interesting. Our future 77-year old President stepped out of the shower, dripping wet, chased Rover down the hall, slipped on a throw rug and cracked a bone in his foot. (Yeah, try to get that image out of your head.) Fortunately, the foot is recovering nicely.

Shortly after the dog news was leaked, cat lovers protested the selection of a dog as the official pet. They’re tired of this pet discrimination. A lot of Presidents have had dogs. Can you name one with a cat? No.  Biden has promised diversity, and all we’ve heard about for two hundred years is dogs, dogs, dogs. We’ll have a Vice-President who is female (a first) whose roots reach all the way to India and Jamaica (definitely a first). It’s high time we get a “First Cat,” regardless of its ancestry.

With all this pressure from 30 million cat lovers, the Bidens are adding a stray cat, even though there’s no mice to catch (that we know of). Here’s the problem: pairing up a cat and dog that are strangers is akin to matching AOC and Jim Jordan on Dancing with the Stars. Salsa, tango, swing your partner and do-si-do. Don’t expect to see the cat and dog waltz.

The only way I can imagine to eliminate conflict is to confine the new cat to the East end and let the dog have the West. Pretty soon the cat will be running his end of the White House. Not to be outdone, the dog will quickly train the President to walk him out to the Rose Garden where he can pick out a bush and, uhh, fertilize it.

President Reagan had the best idea: horses. Of course, he kept them on his California ranch. Can you imagine a horse in the Oval Office?

Well, maybe Mister Ed.

Historic quotes by Will Rogers:

“I love a dog; he does nothing for political reasons.” DT #2288, Dec. 3, 1933

“A man that don’t love a horse, there is something the matter with him. If he has no sympathy for the man that does love horses then there is something worse the matter with him.” WA #88, Aug, 17, 1924